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 +18Posted on Feb 7th, 2014 | re: Heaven Just Got A Little More Videogum (279 comments)

Yeah, best of luck, Kelly. Hope you stick around with us in NYC and write a screenplay about an alternate side parking day that goes bad.

 +6Posted on Feb 6th, 2014 | re: How Is Everyone's Day Today? (146 comments)

It’s kind of odd but I feel bad for you guys? I’m obviously still an internet time-waster, but in the past I’ve gotten seriously invested in some other weird corners of the internet and felt like they were my alternate reality of friends etc. I get it, I really do.

Happily on videogum I’m a mostly unfunny old dickhead who nobody really likes. I’m fine with that, this is actually progress. Someday you too will be like me, then you will be like “I don’t really have time for the internet” and then, eventually, you will be dead.

 +6Posted on Feb 6th, 2014 | re: The World Keeps On Turning, George Clooney Keeps On Pranking (49 comments)

He has an assistant that just works on the pranks. It turns out being a “prank assistant” is slightly more prestigious than being a regular one. He can actually blow off other menial tasks that people mistakenly put to him. “Oh, you need to call Jane, she’s the regular assistant. I do pranks.”

 +4Posted on Feb 5th, 2014 | re: The Petting Zoo: The Week's Top 10 Animal Videos (47 comments)

I am pretty disappointed that my new puppy doesn’t give a shit about snow. He’s just like “OK, it’s white and cold and fluffy, I get it.” Gratuitous photo with no snow:

 +12Posted on Feb 3rd, 2014 | re: Hey Guys, We Have To Talk To You About Something (353 comments)

Eh, I find it hard to believe there are enough advertising dollars coming in to even pay Kelly a decent salary. How could there be?

 +7Posted on Feb 3rd, 2014 | re: Hey Guys, We Have To Talk To You About Something (353 comments)

I’m not sure how I stumbled in here. I did know about stereogum and was conscious that it was part of the GUM empire. But I was initially under the impression that this was, like, a super serious movie-and-tv-review site, then gradually realized my mistake. But I kept reading anyway, because the community is so genuinely funny.

Internet media is such a strange business, we latch on to things that aren’t really sustainable and then poof, they are gone, or they just suddenly start sucking. Best of luck to Kelly who is awesome and a new media pro now.

 0Posted on Jan 29th, 2014 | re: Saturday Night Live: Jonah Hill And Bastille (20 comments)

Yeah I think Kate McKinnon is the new Kristin Wiig.

 +11Posted on Jan 22nd, 2014 | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (94 comments)

I have somehow managed to lose all my winter hats.

 +12Posted on Jan 22nd, 2014 | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (94 comments)

Yeah, it’s great that he has a games group, but why don’t they order takeout? Please ask them about this and also report on what you end up playing.

 0Posted on Jan 17th, 2014 | re: The Family That Plays "Losing My Religion" Together Stays Together (13 comments)

This reminds me of my beloved Children Medieval Band.

 +6Posted on Jan 15th, 2014 | re: Public Marriage Proposal: Peter Pan And Wendy Edition (23 comments)

OK, so here is one option. We start bombing the world with fake public marriage proposals, until everyone is sick of it and whenever they see one they start booing.

Maybe they could be marriage proposals that double as advertisements for Jared’s, The Galleria of Jewelry. “AND he went to Jared, everybody! Look!”

 +6Posted on Jan 15th, 2014 | re: Public Marriage Proposal: Peter Pan And Wendy Edition (23 comments)

No, that has two Z’s.

 +2Posted on Jan 15th, 2014 | re: Be Careful How You Dance Battle (8 comments)

GUY: I just don’t understand how pro wrestlers can survive all of that crazy stuff. They must break their necks all the time and we just don’t hear about it!

DUDE: Dude, wrestling is fake. It’s all choreographed.

GUY: What do you mean, choreographed?

DUDE: They plan it all out, like dance moves.

GUY: Ohhhhh!

Then, later, THIS happened.

 +1Posted on Jan 14th, 2014 | re: If Only Grown-Up Work Could Be So Rewarding (15 comments)

Yeah, you would have no rights, and no one would take you seriously. It would be terrible. If I could be a 16-year-old with my adult brain, MAYBE I would do that.

Chris Christie should conclude his next press conference by singing this chorus and doing a vague cabbage-patch-like gesture with his fists.

 +7Posted on Jan 10th, 2014 | re: A Glimpse Into Life Post-Dog Uprising (16 comments)

This is kind of stupid, these people have definitely seen the dog pull some version of this right in front of their faces, only they were there to stop him and say “get down.” So they leave him alone, leave the chairs out, and it’s like OH DUH I WONDER WHAT HE’S GOING TO DO?!

 +3Posted on Jan 8th, 2014 | re: A Puppies With Pacifiers Compilation (13 comments)

One of the problems with playing the double-parking game is that you now have two opportunities to get a ticket — you’ll get one if you don’t move on time AND you’ll get one if you don’t put it back on time (not to mention how much you will piss your neighbors off.)

Another solution is to take your car on some errands. Drive to Fairway and do your grocery shopping. Or hole up in a diner (preferably one with a parking lot) and do some reading. Or take your dogs to Prospect Park even though they are idiots and won’t appreciate and just focus on eating chicken bones off the ground the whole time, and you’ll get back hours later and your whole day is basically shot.

 +3Posted on Jan 6th, 2014 | re: Best New Party Game: Cold Movies (59 comments)

The Part in Edward Scissorhands Where He Makes An Ice Sculpture

 +1Posted on Jan 6th, 2014 | re: Best New Party Game: Cold Movies (59 comments)

You Can Count on Me (to Unpack the Long Underwear)


You Can Count The Degrees

What is this, some kind of child abuse party?

 +4Posted on Dec 27th, 2013 | re: Crushes Of 2013 (40 comments)

Also, I like to pretend she’s romantically linked to Mike O’Brien.

Can you imagine? That would be SO HOT.

 +6Posted on Dec 27th, 2013 | re: Crushes Of 2013 (40 comments)

Agreed on Aidy Bryant. I haven’t seen such a compelling and magnetic comic personality since, oh, I don’t know, never!

Well, at least since Ernest Borgnine retired.

 +4Posted on Dec 20th, 2013 | re: The Best Viral Videos Of 2013: A Retrospective (47 comments)

Gabe was the guy who used to write most of the content on Videogum, before they brought in Kelly. Gabe Delasomething. He was kind of cranky, but he invented that whole rambling run-on paragraph style that everybody uses now.

 +2Posted on Dec 18th, 2013 | re: #TwitterIsGoingToBeATelevisionShow (30 comments)

1024 characters isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? 140.

 +2Posted on Dec 17th, 2013 | re: 'Tis The Season For Santa Parkour, I Guess (12 comments)

Coooome, they told me wuwuwuwub wub wuuuuuubbbb
A new born king to see wuwuwuwub wub wuuuuuubbbb

Merry Skrillex to all…