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 +2Posted on Jan 24th, 2012 | re: The 2012 Academy Awards Nominees (128 comments)

Phew, okay. For a moment I thought they had actually nominated that god damn Sarah Palin “documentary” The Undefeated, and I was about to throw down.

I’m still going to throw down though because this list is garbage.

 +9Posted on Dec 1st, 2011 | re: Just A Little Pre-Afternoon Pick-Me-Up (21 comments)

Movember has gotten out of hand, you guys.

 +14Posted on Nov 28th, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E07: Season Finale (Sort Of?) (153 comments)

Really? Because when they did that long buildup before the reveal, I was definitely shouting at the TV “Oh jesus christ it’s going to be Sophia, isn’t it? It’s gonna be Soph-OH GOD DAMN IT IT’S SOPHIA.”

All I wanted was for somebody to finally off Shane, and instead all I got was killing the girl who was already essentially dead the entire fucking season.


 +2Posted on Nov 4th, 2011 | re: Thursday Night TV Open Thread (100 comments)

I think EVERYONE has a crush on Annie, so I’m sure she just expects it.

That’s awesome though!

 +4Posted on Nov 4th, 2011 | re: Thursday Night TV Open Thread (100 comments)

I can answer that! It was SOGOOD.YESSSS

Annie crowdsurfed while playing guitar on the final encore song (“Your Lips Are Red”), and I almost had a seizure from the ridiculous light show numerous times. And the potential knowledge that I was also in the same space as David Byrne AND Kelly makes me even happier.

 +17Posted on Sep 23rd, 2011 | re: Another Republican Debate, Another Disgusting Nightmare! (127 comments)

My only regret is that it’s Friday so it’s unlikely this will make it to lowest comment.

Relationships and sex are discussed in everyday life, and it’s discussed in the military because they’re human beings who are placed into incredibly stressful situations and it’s something to talk about that isn’t completely shitty. You’re not going to stop it. Thus if heterosexuals are talking about it, then homosexuals deserve the same right to talk about a significant other.

“He’s right – it’s a volunteer organization – so if you can’t go in without being all activist and shoving your preference down people’s throats, then don’t do it.”

The fact that you think this is something that happens tells me that you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about and have completely ignorant views of gay people.

 +26Posted on Sep 23rd, 2011 | re: Another Republican Debate, Another Disgusting Nightmare! (127 comments)

Hahaha, nobody actually gives a shit what you say or think, Rick Santorum.

I’m so glad you’re going to die in complete obscurity and your only legacy will be that nobody can google your disgusting, hate-ridden name.

Fuck you and every single one of you people. You are a dying breed, and I can’t wait to dance on your fucking graves.

The end.

 +4Posted on Sep 20th, 2011 | re: Sometimes You Get Stuck In The Balloon (47 comments)

I have so many questions about this, and yet I have a feeling I don’t want to know the answers.

 +11Posted on Sep 15th, 2011 | re: Anti-Coning Is The New Coning (26 comments)

I’d love to see the memo that was spread around McDonald’s headquarters warning chain managers against the dangers of coning.

Also, go to bed, internet.

 +36Posted on Sep 13th, 2011 | re: Tea Party Debate Audience Would Like Everyone To Die (180 comments)

“We agree!”

- The nation of Somalia

 +21Posted on Sep 8th, 2011 | re: Rick Perry Killed 234 People (APPLAUSE BREAK) (172 comments)

All I know is that when a pollster asked a focus group about Rick Perry murdering a man who was later shown to be likely innocent, a human being actually responded verbatim, “I like that. It takes balls to kill an innocent man.”

I rest my case (my case being that this world is made of garbage and needs to be terminated).

 +1Posted on Aug 10th, 2011 | re: NYC Subway Nightmare (71 comments)

Also, I’ve only been to Bushwick once, and I never intend to return.

True story.

 +3Posted on Aug 10th, 2011 | re: NYC Subway Nightmare (71 comments)

This sounds like every social anxiety I experienced at college combined with my extreme hatred of touching things and people on the subway mashed into one giant nightmare-fueled panic attack.

I would say I’m too old for this at 24, but that’s not the problem. I just fucking hate these people.

 +17Posted on Aug 9th, 2011 | re: Check Out How Cute This Bear Cub Is (21 comments)

So this is basically my puppy. He’s around this size, equally as fluffy and adorable, and goes around latching onto people’s limbs and gnawing on them.

Clearly we did not do a good job in checking where he came from because he is obviously actually a Russian bear cub. Good to know.

So, judging by the last couple of robot uprising posts, the plan for the real robot uprising is to bake us ALL the delicious goods and make us all so obese that we will be unable to resist when the robots finally make their move.

Looks like some robots have seen WALL-E a few too many times.

 +8Posted on Aug 4th, 2011 | re: 9-11: You Know, For Kids (49 comments)

All I got from this post is that I’m apparently the same age as Kelly. Hi Kelly!

 +6Posted on Jul 25th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Synecdoche, New York (133 comments)

This is pretty much exactly how I felt. Full disclosure: I LOVE Charlie Kaufman and think Malkovich, Adaptation, and Eternal Sunshine are all A+ films and not overrated. I was really intrigued by Synecdoche and liked it, but I really think Kaufman needed someone to reign him in just a little bit so it didn’t become so overwhelmingly surreal by the end. If everything is surreal, nothing is surreal.

Also, once again and forever – HEREAFTER

 +25Posted on Jul 18th, 2011 | re: The Videogum Movie Club: Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (152 comments)

Am I the only one who was really hoping at the end that they would somehow forget that the cheesy epilogue existed and wouldn’t include it? Because seeing Radcliffe and co. Benjamin Button’d was actually more terrible than I could have imagined.

But other than that it was fun!

And here I thought we were in for an entire day of penguin and fart videos (maybe penguin fart videos as well).

Palin is a nightmarish clown, but the media is far more interested in her than the public is at this point. Even most of the people who view her favorably as a person don’t want to have anything to do with her as a potential presidential candidate and have moved onto other nightmarish clowns like Bachmann.

Getting angry at her like this at this point is just playing into her schtick of doing things to gain attention and then play the victim whenever someone criticizes her. Granted, not writing about her on a pop-culture comedy blog isn’t going to change anything, but it’s still occupying space and mental energy that could be put towards much worthier things (ie penguin fart videos).

 +5Posted on Jun 27th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Spread (77 comments)

Been a long time since I’ve bothered trying to nominate a film, but I will start doing this more often if need be.

HEREAFTER. I don’t even know how to describe how bad it is. It’s one of those movies that thinks it’s saying something so meaningful and big but in fact says ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING.

I didn’t like Gran Torino when I saw it, but after Hereafter Gran Torino looked like a goddamn masterpiece.

 0Posted on Jun 27th, 2011 | re: Jon Stewart Vs. Chris Wallace ))<>(( (47 comments)

I’m okay with deferring to the honorable lawblog on matters such as these.

 +12Posted on Jun 27th, 2011 | re: Jon Stewart Vs. Chris Wallace ))<>(( (47 comments)

I do have to give respect to Chris Wallace for knowing how to rest his case, but unfortunately what he rested his case upon was comparing viewers of a major news network to A FUCKING COMEDY SHOW.

Pretty sure that’s an automatic loss no matter how you look at it.

 +23Posted on Jun 27th, 2011 | re: Rosario Dawson Likes Planking, Whatever That Is (37 comments)

sums up my feelings pretty well

 +13Posted on Jun 24th, 2011 | re: Barack Obama Continues To Be Adorable (28 comments)

That was the worst kidnapping ransom message ever.

 +17Posted on Jun 23rd, 2011 | re: The Footloose Remake Trailer, You Guys (62 comments)

So basically Kenny Wormald is this kid.