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the narrator
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 +10Posted on Sep 28th, 2011 | re: What Should Dane Cook Call His New Sitcom? (114 comments)

New Girl

 +7Posted on Sep 1st, 2011 | re: The Margaret Trailer Is Here! (28 comments)

For you.

 +6Posted on Sep 1st, 2011 | re: The Margaret Trailer Is Here! (28 comments)

I’ve been saying this for years, “People who wear cowboy hats kill people.”

 +9Posted on Sep 1st, 2011 | re: This Is Just A Very Good Yogurt With Fruit On The Bottom Review (23 comments)

Could you hold the yogurt closer to the camera? I’m having trouble reading the top.

 +28Posted on Aug 30th, 2011 | re: MORE SAND! (37 comments)

“She was asking for it.” – The mother being interviewed by police

 +6Posted on Aug 29th, 2011 | re: Justin Bieber Has Punk'd His First Victim (26 comments)

He played music videos on MTV instead of this show.

 +23Posted on Jul 21st, 2011 | re: Someone Get Some Salsa Music Behind This Dancing Porcupine! (29 comments)

I thought we were calling Kelly, “Gabe” and Gabe, “Hard-Gabe.”

 +16Posted on Jul 21st, 2011 | re: Someone Get Some Salsa Music Behind This Dancing Porcupine! (29 comments)

Why is glass always fucking with the animal kingdom?

Get a hobby, glass!

 +20Posted on Jul 21st, 2011 | re: Learn To Flirt (21 comments)

I was walking in a store one day, when I heard, “I’d hit that.” I knew that I just met my future wife.

It was the perfect line.

 +37Posted on Jul 20th, 2011 | re: "There Are 352 Feet In A Yard" Is OUR Generation's Self-Potato (31 comments)

The real winner is the Metric System.

 +7Posted on Jul 20th, 2011 | re: The Guy Code (95 comments)

of your EXs.*

How the hell did over sneak in there?

 +9Posted on Jul 20th, 2011 | re: The Guy Code (95 comments)

I have a feeling that I would not be interested in any over your EXs.

Guy Code accomplished.

 +63Posted on Jul 20th, 2011 | re: Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" Meme IRL OMG (42 comments)

Will these talking vagina commercials ever stop?

 +56Posted on Jul 14th, 2011 | re: Alison Brie And Gillian Jacobs GQ "Lesbian Scene" Open Thread (140 comments)

I’ll allow it.

 +3Posted on Jun 22nd, 2011 | re: Britney Spears' New Comedy Video: "I Wanna Go" (62 comments)

You should, my wife is an e-whore.

 +16Posted on Jun 17th, 2011 | re: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments (50 comments)

It has been a while since I’ve been in the Ball.

 +8Posted on Jun 16th, 2011 | re: Terrible Woman Went To Lots Of Schools (81 comments)

Probably a double major.

 +26Posted on Jun 16th, 2011 | re: Terrible Woman Went To Lots Of Schools (81 comments)

I like to think I’m educated and I say fuck all the time.

 +4Posted on Jun 16th, 2011 | re: "Abracadabra" (34 comments)

NO, Abracadabra, NO, Too SEXY

 +8Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Dan Humphrey IS Jeff Buckley (17 comments)

Did James Franco need another job really?

 +12Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: "Swingsetting" In Los Angeles (41 comments)

You should I have rope and some “wood”.

We can have some fun.

 +8Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: "Swingsetting" In Los Angeles (41 comments)

You know what people don’t remember fondly?

Jungle Gyms.

How did I not die falling off those things on to concrete?

And who the hell thought concrete under a climbing area was a good idea?

 +13Posted on Jun 13th, 2011 | re: That's Your Hot Dog: The Happy Hot Dog Man (29 comments)

Now I have a way to act out my cannibalistic tendencies in a safe and legal way.

 +43Posted on Jun 10th, 2011 | re: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments (132 comments)

“I really don’t care about y’alls super witty offhand remarks that you actually spent 30 minutes coming up with in your cubicle/dorm/parent’s house.”

He called us super witty, YAY!

 +11Posted on Jun 10th, 2011 | re: "Tracy Morgan Is A Nightmare" Follow-Up (14 comments)

Homophobia is gay.