teenage eagle
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 +3Posted on Aug 31st, 2011 | re: Amy Sedaris Was On Jimmy Fallon Last Night And It Was Fantastic (25 comments)

Watching her Letterman “interviews” on YouTube is what got me through college, no joke. “Here’s another fun fact: snakes don’t have ears!” And the knitted iPhone…oh my god.

 +13Posted on May 24th, 2011 | re: Mark Burnett Making A Reality Show About The Bible, Basically (29 comments)

Since Roma Downey is involved, I can only assume that she will be playing all the angels.

 +5Posted on May 4th, 2011 | re: That's Your Baby: Adult Baby (50 comments)

Sorry, Dr. Sheela Stocks, growing up is not a “cultural norm.” It is a thing EVERYONE DOES, EVERYWHERE. Because if we all decided to not grow up, we would quickly run out of apple juice and Frosted Flakes and everyone would die.

 +4Posted on Apr 27th, 2011 | re: Glee S02E18: Open Thread (41 comments)

“What is this? Berets?” was my favorite line of the night.

 +38Posted on Apr 12th, 2011 | re: This Is Your Adult Bib: The Slobstopper (56 comments)

Oh, my busy lifestyle! Just chillin’ in the parking lot, drinking my latte, watching ladies for a half hour before I go to work.

 +1Posted on Apr 12th, 2011 | re: Alec Baldwin Vs. John Krasinski (57 comments)

Probably a little to late, but can we all talk about Alec Baldwin’s eyelashes? He always looks pretty straight on 30 Rock, and maybe it’s the black and white, but those eyes are definitely bi-curious.

 0Posted on Mar 24th, 2011 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: John Travolta Is Not A Real Pilot (59 comments)

Can anyone look more like the inflatable autopilot from Airplane!? I submit that they CANNOT!

 +2Posted on Nov 19th, 2010 | re: Win A Copy Of Sterling's Gold: Wit And Wisdom Of An Ad Man! (141 comments)

Cross-Eyed At Birth: or, A Lifetime of Getting Asked, “Hey, Are You Looking at Me? Really?”

 +3Posted on Oct 6th, 2010 | re: Professional Acting Advice (37 comments)

Sorry, the music video for “Into a Fantasy” is the life-changer of the group, because HOLY SHIIIIIIIIT.

 +12Posted on Oct 6th, 2010 | re: James Franco In Drag, Obviously (That's Your Ex-Boyfriend?) (58 comments)

This is obviously not an issue of Candy, the #1 youth magazine in the Philippines.

 +9Posted on Oct 6th, 2010 | re: Professional Acting Advice (37 comments)

When he was describing the Dark Lord’s second-in-command “gruff” lady (lesbian) from “Fantasy”, I was picturing James Franco in drag, which is probably a pretty good approximation.

 +33Posted on Oct 1st, 2010 | re: Headline Of The Day: "Jesse Eisenberg's Cousin Works At Facebook" (21 comments)

My cousin works at Dairy Queen, but you don’t see me bragging about it.

 +31Posted on Aug 29th, 2010 | re: The 2010 Jon Cryer Awards Open Thread (238 comments)

Every time the announcer says “the 62nd Emmy Awards”, I hear “the 60 second Emmy Awards” and suddenly believe in mercy and justice, but then Padma and Gail get up and do…that, and the dream dies.


 +21Posted on May 6th, 2010 | re: Please Be More Careful, Nerds! (78 comments)

Less cinematic, but equally embarrassing, are the times he interrupts family dinners to explain the finer points of the Lego Bionicle saga to his grandma.

 +23Posted on May 5th, 2010 | re: Betty White, An Elderly Woman, Hosts Saturday Night Live This Weekend (65 comments)

As a firm believer that every person of every age should be able to do everything, I support this episode 100 percent! Which is also why I get frustrated that my baby has no idea how to use his iPhone. I mean, what an idiot!

 +12Posted on Apr 26th, 2010 | re: Violent J Explains "Miracles" (78 comments)

I used to think the Northern Lights were just reflections from the movies God was projecting onto the polar ice cap for His viewing pleasure, but now I know that it’s just some dumb, natural shit. Thanks for ruining my child-like sense of wonder, SCIENCE.

 +21Posted on Apr 26th, 2010 | re: Saturday Night Live: Let's Not And Gabourey We Sidibed (Uh, what?) (95 comments)

Dear Gabe,

You are a smart guy and I love you like a monster father, but hearing Stefon say “Wesh” and “Joaquin Phoenix” over and over again on Hulu last night made me giggle so hard that now, I find myself no longer frightened by the forthcoming events of 2012. A biological change, maybe. A magical change, definitely. At times like this, we need to all embrace the magic.


T.E. (Teddy graham Eagle)

p.s. A gif of Stefon saying “WHAT?” would be perfection, plz!!!

 +13Posted on Mar 9th, 2010 | re: The Videogum Why Don't You Caption It? Contest: Sandra Lee's Cocktail Face (116 comments)

“Just wait until you see my bee-youtiful tablescape – it’s super super simple. All I did was spray my Ocean Dreams tablescape with milk and then set it in the sun for five hours!”

 +60Posted on Mar 9th, 2010 | re: Instant Classic: Lindsay Lohan Is Suing The E-Trade Baby (56 comments)

Whatevs. I just sued Google for 200 million for their Superbowl commercial because one time I googled “Churches in Paris” but I was single at the time and they are OBVIOUSLY mocking my inability to find love in this awful, awful world.

 +3Posted on Mar 4th, 2010 | re: Too Many LOLs Is The Hospital (39 comments)

I’m sorry, I couldn’t actually read any of the captions. I was too distracted by Kathy Griffin’s TERRIBLE ACTING. Maybe I was just waiting for her to make fun of Celine Dion.

 +2Posted on Mar 4th, 2010 | re: Gwyneth Paltrow Has Just Discovered Sleep. Neat! (119 comments)

“Knackered” aside, she also spelled “scent” wrong. As in, the “sent” of lavender. As in, “I was sent from heaven, and if your sheets are made of jersey, I’m not taking you back with me.” Gross.

 +1Posted on Feb 26th, 2010 | re: Crystal Swing Presents "He Drinks Tequila" (77 comments)

In the words of Louise Bogan, “There was so much to love, I could not love it all;
I could not love it enough.” I will go to a quiet corner now and think about my thoughts.

 +2Posted on Feb 23rd, 2010 | re: My Little Ponies Perform Showtunes And/Or Two Tickets To Nightmare Town (62 comments)

This is sort of like seeing the Wiggles doing gansta rap off-camera. Or Kristin Stewart smiling between takes. That said, if I was playing Rainbow Dash, I’d sure as hell do this as a warm-up.