You Taste Like A Burger
Find Me On:
I was actually in the Disney World Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular, circa 1995. My sister and mom volunteered me and that day’s Drake called me up. I remember giving an “evil laugh” (amplified by their crack special effects crew) and then having a death scene. The Academy snubbed me.
American Horror Story: Jaqueline Bissette’s Speech
“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus”
Exactly! This is why no straight men ever want anal sex from their female partners.
I had an Irish Catholic babysitter who told me when I was 4 or 5 that the Jews killed Jesus. Horrified, I confronted my parents with this fact. They killed the babysitter and used her blood to make matzohs. That or they just fired her. Either way, I never saw her again.
ONE Direction, pp. They dance in ONE Direction. That’s what makes them special.
If I say “People actually watch the musical performances?”, is that as obnoxious as saying, “People still watch SNL?” jk, 1D 4lyfe.
Sorry, couldn’t make it — I was watching The Fifth Estate.
Who Framed Roy Rogers?
That’s My Bob’s Big Boy
Sorry. I had to return some videotapes. Except the Blockbuster was closed. For good. So I can’t use *that* excuse anymore.
“Supposedly, when you’re in the bathrooms at a Pizza Hut, you will feel cold spots and hear whispering.”
Weird. Explosive diarrhea for me.
Tim League, the CEO of Alamo Drafthouse, has banned Madonna from watching movies at Alamo Drafthouse for life after a story came out about her texting during the movie 12 Years A Slave
That’s nothing. My mailman once caught my friend Jerry making out with a girl during Schindler’s List.
It’s been a pretty white life, btw.
That was the whitest 1:18 of my life.
Hey, any time you can make a $200M movie for an audience of 20,000 people, you have to definitely not do that.
Man! And it’s not even like That 70′s Show remains available and popular in syndication, right?
1 bottle Coors
It’s as if somehow Martin Scorcese knew this day would come.
Swing away, Merrill. Swing away.
They should have known that hiring my dad to design their t-shirt using Word 1995 was a poor business decision.
“No doubt, my man. & u kno I would of saved the Pentagon but for that ill case of merc poizng.”
“Hey Gabe, quitting’s cool, no big deal. I can see your new blog from my merch site.” — Sarah Palin
I’m scattering Gabe’s ashes outside the Neue Galerie because I love Gustav Klimt and his paintings are meaningful to me. You are feel free to join.
Have a neat summer.