Find Me On:
But with multiple orgasms.
“Grief changes shape, but it never ends.” –Keanu Reeves (KR)
“I am not handsome or sexy.” –KR
“I try not to think about my life. I have no life. I need therapy.” –KR
“I’m sorry my existence is not very noble or sublime.” –KR
The internet, which has never lied to me before (unlike my uncle and my middle school gym teacher, who are not necessarily 2 different people), told me these are all actual quotes by the man sitting on the bench up there. They all seem very appropriate.
Finally, someone who shares my first name AND my overzealous affection for Mandy Moore. As much as it literally kills me to say this, maybe Chris Klein and I could be pals. Like we could definitely between the two of us track down Mandy Moore and then he could boost me up into her bedroom window and that’s pretty much where the partnership would end because after he boosted me up I would tell him there is so much cocaine right down the street but you have to hurry! and he would go there posthaste and probably completely forget about Mandy Moore and then me and Mandy Moore would get married and she would be Mrs. Suburban Commando-Moore.
Let me just say that when the roving gangs of cannibals come trudging through the ash (and they WILL come, friendo) that I’m on team This Guy. Did you see him wiping the crud and fingerprints off the blade? He’s already got the cleaning cannibal blood off the blade technique down.
“I’ve gone into clubs.” -Dan Songer
“I’ve gone into clubs.” -Dan Songer
“God teaches us to love everyone, so grab their heads and pound them into your knee. You know, for Jesus.” Ecclesiastes 4:32-35.
I think I would be more impressed by a bum who had a mutated genetic code that gave him complete control over his bowels.
All I heard in that second video was blah blah yo-yo blah blah charity something or other blah blah BARBECUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Didn’t she say something about living near Shaboygan? Sheboygin? Shaboigen?
“Haha, you put spelt when you should have put spelled.”
-Steve Winwood, writing for Nick Madson
(insert Scanners exploding head .gif)
Two mixtape songs in one day? Or is this the first entry in the 2012 Theme Song Contest?
Get out of there Mr. Space Alien!
I’ll have whatever Dan Akroyd is having.
“Othelio are clearly the next Susan Boyle. NOT!”
Never before have I experienced such an emotional rollercoaster in such a short span.
Haha, don’t quit your day job. What’s that? You’re a singer/songwriter/producer? On second thought, go ahead and quit your day job. Maybe go back to school, learn a trade or something.
In Andy Rooney’s defense, it’s probably very hard to stay hip to current trends, musical and otherwise, when you spend 23 hours a day in an iron lung in a sub-basement of the 60 Minutes headquarters.
Thank you for letting Betty White be great, Gabe.
Gabe, you mad. Congratulations, Monsters all, short and tall, big and small.
Happy weekend everybody. I love you.
I just pissed myself laughing. You are awesome.
That’s odd. “motivated and inspired to leave” sounds a lot like “kicked out of the house for being fucking weird and consistently ruining dinner by” when mom tells that story.
Goddamn it dad.
HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH STARSHIP TROOPERS! BURN THE HERETIC!
Just kidding. That movie is awful. But I love it. There. I said it.
I can’t tell if Gary Busey is trying to assimilate with his baby or if he just superglued it to his forehead to make sure it’s not sneaking around behind his back. Neither thought disturbs me less.
“Get out of there!” -my mother, 1986
“Get out of there!” -my prom date, 2003