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Derjis Sprongfeld
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 +22Posted on Feb 7th | re: Heaven Just Got A Little More Videogum (277 comments)

Back in the late 1950s when I was in University, I had this one class that was absolutely enormous, like, literally hundreds of people all crammed into this hot, stuffy lecture hall. Nobody really talked to each other all that much, because it was super intimidating to be a face in this sea of hot, sweaty, miserable people learning about maths. What were people supposed to do? Turn to the person next to them and be all, like, “HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU LOLZ”?
Anyway, we were writing our finals, and this guy goes to hand in his exam, turns to the lecture hall and yells in the most sarcastic way imaginable “It’s been a slice!”, takes a big bow and exits Lecture Hall Left. I have no idea who the guy was, and never saw him again. Or maybe I did? The world is a pretty zany place! Maybe we ran into each other at a concert or something; maybe we played hacky sack one time; maybe he’s the guy who drives my bus. Who knows?
I guess what I’m trying to say, in as long and rambling a fashion as possible, is that it’s been a real adventure, guys. I didn’t contribute much (although Gabe did post an article based on one of my tips once!), but Videogum has been a big part of my day for the past 5 years. Lindsay, Gabe and Kelly all made me laugh when I had no other reason to. All of you nerds in the comments section were OK, too I guess.

So with a complete lack of irony or sarcasm, it’s been a slice! Who knows, maybe we’ll meet again someday. MAYBE I’M THE GUY DRIVING THE BUS THAT YOU’RE SITTING ON RIGHT NOW!!!

Hey, nerds! Long time lurker, longer-time reader. I’ve been away from Videogum for the past couple of weeks; popped by and noticed that all of the recent posts were re-posts, and I was all, like, “wut? Is Kelly on vacation?”, and then I kept going through the posts, and eventually was all, like, “WWWUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.”
Sad news, friends. It’s been a slice.

Is that a ham-fisted ‘November Rain’ reference I see at 3:28…?

And yes, I really DID mean to type “Kelly car bring the laffz”.

Haha, you will definitely be missed, Gabe. You brought an intellectualism and a class (?) to Videogum that is quite rare in the snark-filled wasteland that is the blogosphere.

Not that Kelly isn’t hilarious, mind you; she’s great! She car really bring the laffz! It seemed a little desperate that she kept turning up to work in spite of having been fired all of those times, TBH, but wuttayagunnado *shrugs*

Stephen King is a TERRIBLE writer… I sat down and tried to read ‘Under the Dome’ a few months ago. I managed to slog through until I hit this passage:

“His mother’s voice in his head: ‘Don’t let yourself get out of control, honey.’ She was dead and still wouldn’t stop giving advice. ‘Teach her a lesson, but make it a little one.’
And he really might have managed to do that, but then her robe came open and she was naked underneath it. He could see the dark patch of hair over her breeding-farm, her goddamn itchy breeding-farm that was all the fucking trouble, when you got right down to it those farms were all the fucking trouble in the world, and his head was throbbing, thudding, whamming, smashing, splitting.”

Oh, brother. Cheque, please.

 +1Posted on May 14th, 2013 | re: This Is Just A Good Movie Trailer (11 comments)

Apparently they don’t teach you what “CGI” stands for in Kung Fu school…

 +1Posted on May 14th, 2013 | re: Courtney Stodden's Mom Is A Good Manager, Says Courtney Stodden's Mom (18 comments)

Except that I’m pretty sure I remember Courtney Stodden going on at length about how she was going to do Playboy as soon as she was of-age, and Playboy issuing a formal statement essentially saying “Uh, thanks, but no thanks. We prefer our naked skanks less trashy.” And I was all, like *Tim Allen voice* “rrruuuuuuhhhhh? Didn’t Playboy let Lindsay Lohan, International Escort do a spread?”

Anyone else think that this might just be a big ol’ Jon Hamm-style goof on the paparazzo?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeGteg74mjw&feature=player_detailpage#t=237s

 +2Posted on Nov 8th, 2012 | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (145 comments)

I’ve been cutting a corporate video for a guy who makes his living giving talks on obesity, kind of like a Tony Robbins for overweight people. He’s one of our country’s foremost Scienceticians of Obesity.
I’m a scrawny little guy who’s never really struggled with his weight, and, I admit, I’ve got my hangups with overweight people. It seems like there’s far too much of the whole “victim mentality” thing going around when it comes to obesity; obesity is a serious problem, with serious consequences to your health, and the the healthcare system! Maybe just cut down on the Baconators! I know that not eating Baconators isn’t your absolute favourite thing to do, but give it a shot! You might like it!
ANYway, it’s been really quite interesting to listen to this guy talk. I can’t say that I’ve 100% flipped my position on the subject, but I definitely have a new perspective on things; certainly a lot more empathy for what overweight people go through.

 0Posted on Oct 23rd, 2012 | re: Best New Party Game 72: Final Presidential Debate Movies (63 comments)

Wooooooops! That should have been in reply to Simon Spidermonk!

 +1Posted on Oct 23rd, 2012 | re: Best New Party Game 72: Final Presidential Debate Movies (63 comments)

Up here in Canada, we somehow managed to elect the Canadian version of Mitt Romney into a majority government a couple of years back (and when I say “we”, I mean 39% of the population voted for him — Democracy in action, folks!). He wasted no time throwing money at super-prisons and ridiculously expensive fighter jets, dismantling and de-funding the departments of anyone who dared disagree with him, and generally setting our country back about 50 years. Deeply disturbing right-wing lunacy isn’t just confined to America, unfortunately…

 0Posted on Oct 16th, 2012 | re: The Videogum Why Don't YOU Caption It? Contest: Wolverine Gangnam Style (29 comments)

*terrible Korean accent*
“I see you’ve prayed Knifeee-Spoonee before.”

 0Posted on Oct 16th, 2012 | re: The Videogum Why Don't YOU Caption It? Contest: Wolverine Gangnam Style (29 comments)

*terrible Australian accent*
“Thet’s noht a fayke-plestic-nerd-clohws-whoile-roiding-an-imaginary-hohrse.”

 +3Posted on Aug 31st, 2012 | re: Clint Eastwood Interviews Some Awful Chair (33 comments)

Based on this, I’m guessing that Clint Eastwood was the head writer of the last 15 Academy Awards…

 +4Posted on Aug 8th, 2012 | re: Jaden Smith Is OUR Generation's Willow Smith (9 comments)

He’s wearing our generation’s MC Hammer pants.

 0Posted on Jul 25th, 2012 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (9 comments)

Hey, nerds, what’s up? No particularly hilarious quips to make, just wanted to offer up a kuhdoooz to one miss Kelly Conaboy. Not for anything to do with this post, really; this just happened to be where I landed. I was a little skeptical of her when she first signed on, but she’s really grown on me. Keep it up, Kelly! You’re great!
Anyway, that’s about it. Just thought I’d throw a, y’know, a positive comment out there. You kids can go back to being needlessly angry about things which have no bearing on your day-to-day existences and trying SOOOOO HARD to one up each other with your clever wisecracks, now!

-DEFINITELYNOTKELLY’SDAD

 +3Posted on Jul 3rd, 2012 | re: Conversation Starters For Your Barbecue (40 comments)

“Hey, would you like to watch a washed up pop singer shill for some large corporation before you and I discuss terrible fake-rap videos?”

 +1Posted on Jul 2nd, 2012 | re: The Amazing Spider-Man Is As Fun As It Is Unnecessary (36 comments)

Who’s the lady in the pic towards the end of the post? Is she the star of the new reboot of that porno about Sarah Palin…? “Nailin’ Pailin: ORIGINS”…?

 +22Posted on Jul 2nd, 2012 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Katie Holmes Something Something Scientology (80 comments)

Have you guys read the story of Xenu? It’s HILARIOUS!!!
In summary:
This dude Xenu, ruler of the galaxy or whatever, was facing revolution by the 178 billion people in the galaxy or wherever, so he summoned them together under the guise of “income tax inspections”, paralyzed them, put them all aboard a (presumably hilariously oversized) space plane that looked almost identical to an old Douglas DC-8, shipped them off to planet Teegack (now called “Earth”), dropped them off around the craters of several volcanoes, and DETONATED HYDROGEN BOMBS that had been placed there at some time in the past, killing MOST of them! Not all of them, because, of course, it’s perfectly reasonable that one could survive A HYDROGEN BOMB DETONATION ON THE SIDE OF A VOLCANO

Haha WHERE DO I SIGN UP

 0Posted on Jun 18th, 2012 | re: Once Again, We Are Getting It All Wrong (10 comments)

“…being the guy who is trying to find some way to deconstruct or debase or defame the guy who is having the time of his life…”
Super confused, y’all. Isn’t this the whole point of Videogum…? Am I doing it wrong…?

 +15Posted on May 31st, 2012 | re: "Ain't No Homos Gonna Make It To Heaven" (48 comments)

Not to be all Johnny Grammar Police over here, but I DID go to college, so I think I can recognize a double-negative when I hear one… It’s all quite subversive, really; the congregation is cheering the fact that all homos will, in fact, be going to heaven.
BOOM. Where’s my red square of grammar protest?

 +8Posted on Dec 20th, 2011 | re: It's People! People Is Made Out Of People! (19 comments)

“Haha this new meat that I have definitely never tried sure tastes great! AS LONG AS THERE ARE NO GAY PEOPLE AROUND, AMIRIGHT!?!?!”
-Com Truise

 +3Posted on Dec 2nd, 2011 | re: This Is Your Music Video: Alternate Reality's "The King That Never Was" (28 comments)

Huh, I’ve always wondered what would happen if my local lacrosse team started up a heavy metal band…

 +3Posted on Aug 16th, 2011 | re: "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" - Your Television (33 comments)

Uh, I am seriously worried about me, you guys. I work in the TV industry… According to the numbers, I am already dead!!!!!!!