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soldier_of_fortune_cookies
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 0Posted on Feb 6th | re: Hey Guys, We Have To Talk To You About Something (352 comments)

I really loved posting on here, and I will miss it. Thank you for the good times.

 0Posted on Feb 3rd | re: Three Katherine Chloe Cahoons, Dancing For The Super Bowl (21 comments)

DAMN YOU, CAHOON.

 +3Posted on Feb 3rd | re: Child Needs To Be Left Alone With His Feelings, Dad (14 comments)

The cynical bear in me immediately wonders how long it took dad to coach his kid to pretend to cry for the camera so they could go viral.

The cuddly bear in me goes “aw, he’s so cute.”

I’m conflicted.

 +17Posted on Jan 31st | re: Three Katherine Chloe Cahoons, Dancing For The Super Bowl (21 comments)

Seconds after this video was uploaded, Peyton Manning woke up in a cold sweat. It was like he had a nightmare – he FELT like he’d had a nightmare – but couldn’t remember any of the details. He fumbled for his phone and called Wes Welker. Wes picked up after the first ring. “Wes, I just had the strangest thing happen,” he stuttered. Wes was silent for a second before he quietly replied, “I know, Peyton. I felt it too. We all did. And something ain’t right. I am telling you right now, something is just not right.”

 +7Posted on Jan 16th | re: The 2014 Academy Award Nominees (63 comments)

I don’t think this is gonna be Leo’s year.

 +5Posted on Jan 6th | re: Best New Party Game: Cold Movies (59 comments)

Dr. Snow
From Russia with Love (no change necessary)
Coldfinger
Thundersnowball
You Only Live in Ice
On her Majesty’s Secret Black Ice
Snowballs Are Forever
Live and Let Ski
The Man with the Frozen Gun
The Spy Who Froze Me
Icemaker
For Your Ice Only
Frostopussy
Never Go Outside Again
A View to Freeze
The Living Northern Lights
License to Freeze
FrozenEye
Tomorrow’s Dry Ice
The World Does Not Have Enough Snow
Ski Another Day
Quantum of Shoveling
Snowfall

 +6Posted on Jan 6th | re: Best New Party Game: Cold Movies (59 comments)

500 Days of Winter

 +7Posted on Dec 24th, 2013 | re: Favorite Animal Videos Of 2013 (11 comments)

They have also programmed the Roomba to make a doorbell noise at random times. It is a dog nightmare machine!

 +9Posted on Dec 24th, 2013 | re: Favorite Animal Videos Of 2013 (11 comments)

He has seen some shit. You don’t even want to know.

 +4Posted on Dec 24th, 2013 | re: Favorite Animal Videos Of 2013 (11 comments)

Yes, that was the only one that made me angry instead of “aww”. He seems really manhandled and unable to properly walk and he probably hates the snow.

 +4Posted on Dec 23rd, 2013 | re: Saturday Night Live: Jimmy Fallon And Justin Timberlake (6 comments)

I really liked the spirit of the episode; not a whole lot of belly laughs, but I smiled throughout and everyone seemed to be having fun, which is fun to watch! People having fun, good times. Barry Gibb (the real one) seemed just happy to be there but not sure what was going on, which made me smile more than it should have. Madonna being there made no sense. Did she put in a grill for no reason?

I kind of wished they’d have let Kate McKinnon have a girl with her in her twin bed. Each girl was playing themselves in that song, right? It’s not like this would have been weird; there was that whole sketch about gay Ebeneezer Scrooge (the less said the better even though I love Taran Killam with all of my heart and loins). Maybe “gay” is still a punchline on SNL, idk.

But overall I really liked it and both of Justin’s performances were great, especially the second acoustic song with the strings. He has talent; I can see him going places.

 +6Posted on Nov 12th, 2013 | re: The Sudden, Beautiful Snow (21 comments)

I feel very relaxed. This video is our generations Red Balloon.

 +10Posted on May 31st, 2013 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Top Comments (30 comments)

Oh man, I’m in the Ball? I feel so good. So light. As if God himself were raising me up on Statham’s wings.

 +21Posted on May 29th, 2013 | re: Stathamprints In The Sand (20 comments)

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray to Statham my life to keep
If I should die before I wake
Statham didn’t do his job

 0Posted on May 29th, 2013 | re: Yes, And Bubblebutt (2 comments)

Oh man, has someone told Lady? She’s going to have to up her Twerk game.

 +2Posted on May 29th, 2013 | re: Science Channel's Cicada Live-Cam Is A Nightmare (8 comments)

THE PORN MUSIC. CICADA PORN MUSIC.

 +3Posted on Nov 30th, 2012 | re: Friday Adele Butterdance Party! (18 comments)

And that’s enough for today, Internet.

Go home, Internet, you’re drunk.

 +13Posted on Nov 19th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Jeremy Renner And Maroon 5 (23 comments)

I thought it was just OK. It bugged me that they had Cecily Strong play both Paula Broadwell AND Jill Kelley. She made a great Jill Kelley but why not put Kate McKinnon in a brown wig and have her play Broadwell? She’s got the big blue eyes. It was just a dissonance that bothered me more than something on SNL should have. Jeremy Renner was good. They did not give him good material but he did his best with what he had.

 +4Posted on Nov 5th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Louis C.K. And Fun. (39 comments)

I could not understand a single word that dude was singing.

 +4Posted on Oct 23rd, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Bruno Mars (And Tom Hanks) (29 comments)

Sad Mouse was more sweet and touching than I’ve come to expect from SNL. Every other sketch was over-the-top mugging, men in dresses (LOL EVERY TIME), and crude sex jokes. I thought Bruno Mars did a great job. They could have given him more to do, he clearly is capable.

 +2Posted on Oct 8th, 2012 | re: ABC: Always Be Continuing-To-Sell-After-Someone-Faints (10 comments)

It almost looks like she begins choking on invisible food. Is she OK? I hope she’s OK. #QVCHostVigil2012

 0Posted on Oct 8th, 2012 | re: Katherine Chloe Cahoon's Music Video Is Here, Perfect (36 comments)

Is that her real singing voice? Because it really isn’t half bad. Which is a shame because everything else is a filmed definition of the German word “Fremdsch√§men”.

 +3Posted on Aug 10th, 2012 | re: Louis C.K. And Television As Conflict Management (17 comments)

Its completely self-indulgent, sometimes downright uncomfortable to watch, and yet it is still funnier and more clever than most every other show on television these days. Sometimes I relate to a situation, sometimes I cover my eyes and feeling fremdschamen for everyone on screen. As for the Maron bit, it felt a little off to me, but knowing that he was also on the WTF podcast makes this seem like a sort of bookend – like they both needed to have an outlet for the situation from both of their perspectives. But really, you’re right, who cares? Who gives a crap if Louis CK and Marc Maron had beef and it took 10 years for them to get over it. I don’t know. Its funny and real life is hard so sometimes I enjoy staring at the lives of others.

 +2Posted on Aug 9th, 2012 | re: Maybe We Actually Should #GETHAZED (35 comments)

And then the elephant head fell off the mount and engulfed Chet all the way to his waist #gothazed

 +9Posted on Aug 9th, 2012 | re: Everything's Cool With The Princess Diana Biopic, Says PRINCESS DIANA! (12 comments)

It was so much more awkward when Martin Wuttke said the same thing about playing Adolf Hitler in Inglorious Basterds.