When I saw King Kong, there was a couple sitting next to me, and the man was talking right up until the opening logo, when the woman he was with (who had a voice like Wanda Sykes) said, “I hope you aren’t going to talk through this whole movie.” Promising start to the film, I thought.

She then proceeded to respond to every single monster in the movie with a loud “EW!” like no one told her this was a monster movie, and she was shocked. She also felt the need to fill in Kong’s thoughts out loud. Like, as he’s tearing through the city picking up random women, she’d say things like, “That’s not you!”

When Kong tears that dinosaur’s jaw off, I groaned just like everyone else in the theater, and she hit me on the arm and said, “Oh, stop it!”

How about Jaws 4: the Revenge? Is it a Christmas movie? Is it a touching story about a depressed widow? Is it a thriller? Even the writers don’t know!

Bonus: Roaring shark.