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 +4Posted on Jun 9th, 2010 | re: This Is What You See Right Before You're Born (56 comments)

There doesn’t seem to be a lot of angst at the Banana Mango High School of Life, so it’s got that going for it.

This could be a new trend where celebrities make movies titled after things that define or interest them. Or at least a party game. Like Paris Hilton in “Penis”, or Gweneth Paltrow in “Myself” or “Myself 2, Still Me” you get the idea.

 +23Posted on Jun 7th, 2010 | re: Gay Marriage Would Be Just As Boring As Regular Marriage, Obviously (51 comments)

“I have a “normal” straight marrige and it’s not boring at all. Especially since my wife has an enormous and unwieldy penis.” – Ted Haggard

 +8Posted on Jun 3rd, 2010 | re: Heaven Just Got A Little More Rue McClanahan (66 comments)

Same old hollywood story of a meteoric rise to sitcom fame followed by an equally meteoric languid downward spiral into peaceful old age and an eventual death from typical old age complications. Cliché.

 +9Posted on Mar 26th, 2010 | re: This One Is For Kevin Smith (29 comments)

I prefer Amtrak’s “the drunk next to me threw up on my dining car hot dog made from the innards of the last person this train hit” two-step.

 +31Posted on Mar 24th, 2010 | re: Best New Party Game: 19: #calmmovielines (419 comments)

I’ll have what she’s having… but with a little less orgasm and can we get a refill on these waters please?

 +4Posted on Mar 16th, 2010 | re: Mike Tyson Racing Pigeons Is A TV Show? (44 comments)

I’m most excited for the inevitable woefully misguided marketing tie in with a certain poultry processing company…

“It’s much harder to help Haiti with your pants down, but it is a lot easier to swordfight.”

 +6Posted on Mar 2nd, 2010 | re: R.I.P. The Tonight Show (104 comments)

That desk does look like it was made out of some sort of wood fastened together by the pulpy tears of a failed woodworker, finished with a varnish of gaudy dispair that just makes everyone uncomfortable.

 +12Posted on Mar 2nd, 2010 | re: R.I.P. The Tonight Show (104 comments)

It’s symbolic of both a generational and cultural division, and highlights at least some of the ways these groups do not understand each other. So, at the very least it’s kind of interesting I think.

 +8Posted on Mar 1st, 2010 | re: Name The Russian Jersey Shore (86 comments)

Brighton Beacccph or Grand Theft Auto 4

 +3Posted on Mar 1st, 2010 | re: The Marriage Ref For The FAIL (85 comments)

It’s ok to like things when other people don’t! Really. Liking things isn’t about certainty. I never enjoy something and think “and those who don’t enjoy this are liars!!” Nobody’s really picking sides and nobody will have to go to court to defend the marriage ref. I don’t think.

You know what? Screw it. “Riddle me this: what’s a napkin that goes in your lap but with which you do not wipe your mouth.”

 +7Posted on Mar 1st, 2010 | re: The Marriage Ref For The FAIL (85 comments)

This show is eight full sacks of bad presumptions. Starting with that audiences will watch any of these people do anything. I won’t! Also, presumptions come in sacks. ALSO, I can post without safari crashing, so whatever else you can say about new videogum, that part wins in my book, the book of iPhone compatibility with a prologue concerning boredom at work.

 +18Posted on Feb 26th, 2010 | re: Oscar In The Bathroom Watch: Kate Winslet Edition (43 comments)

The best place to put conversation pieces is in the bathroom, where all the conversation happens. In my apartment, for instance, most of the conversation revolves around why the toilet is still flushing and usually ends in complex discourse concerning the jiggling of the handle. And world peace.

 +3Posted on Feb 26th, 2010 | re: Videogum's Teen Korner: The Taylor Lautner Abs Drama (60 comments)

…or the new video model from Crystal Swing’s new single “He Drinks Whey Protein”.

 +6Posted on Feb 26th, 2010 | re: You Wish The Quarantine Rapper Was Your Boyfriend (53 comments)

The opponents of national healthcare who say “you don’t want to have socialized healthcare like in Britain” have just lost the debate. Because if our hospitals had this I’d totally visit grandma more often.

 +3Posted on Feb 26th, 2010 | re: Crystal Swing Presents "He Drinks Tequila" (77 comments)

I drink NAPAALM and Battery Acid. Where’s my song guys?

 +7Posted on Feb 23rd, 2010 | re: Taking One For The Team: Gwyneth Paltrow Work Out Routine (45 comments)

My new job at an unnamed energy company has blocked videogum. I did not know this when I took the job. But if I eventually get promoted high enough, I’m going to have IT unblock it just for me. And give me a mat for the office to dance along to Gwenyth’s workout video.

 +24Posted on Feb 16th, 2010 | re: One Ginger's Call To Arms (59 comments)

IN related news, Atlanta, GA is experiencing a recent fury of electrical storms and tornadoes believed to be related to grave spinning, re: Martin Luther King Jr.

 +12Posted on Feb 9th, 2010 | re: Kirstie Alley Is Almost As Busy As She Is Fat, Says Kirstie Alley (59 comments)

My favorite part is “I was skinny my entire life, until I gained 75 pounds.” Pardon? That whole sentence was a prelude to an explanation that never came.

 +6Posted on Feb 4th, 2010 | re: You Can Make It Up: Rip Torn Gambles On The Puppy Bowl (24 comments)

I know something Rip Torn doesn’t. Garbonzo’s going down in the third quarter. The cutest fix ever is in Rip, and this, like many, many others, is not your day.

 +20Posted on Feb 4th, 2010 | re: Worlds Been Had Colliding: Snooki And Phoenix Edition (43 comments)

It’s closer than you think. Most people know Phoenix from that Cadillac commercial, and according to The Jersey Shore, this particular brand of Italians like Cadillacs a lot for some reason, so there ya go. Solved.

I hear he’s going to form a rap group with John Malkovich and Alan Rickman called Afterschool .38 Special. And I’m preemtively downvoting this because I’m ashamed this thought entered my head.

 +6Posted on Feb 4th, 2010 | re: Jon Stewart And Bill O'Reilly Are Both Adults (36 comments)

I would like to go on a date with the O’Riely Factor Body Language Analysis Girl but I’d be so unbelieveably self conscious, like “Wait, I just asked you to pass the salt, that wasn’t a power gesture or anything just so you know…”