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 0Posted on Jan 17th, 2011 | re: The 2011 Golden Globe Awards (76 comments)

I was also put off. And I used to *adore* Ricky Gervais, but in the last few years I think he’s gotten really mean-spirited, which seems to me to be at odds with the guy who made all those lovely podcasts with the future Mr. Silentkit, Stephen Merchant. I was so not a fan of his last stand up special that I couldn’t even watch it for more than like fifteen minutes.
“Fat people – the WORST!” – Ricky Gervais, for at least ten minutes after it started getting uncomfortable and weirdly self-hatey
It’s not that I’m worried about celebrity feelings (it could be argued that Ricky Gervais *is* a celebrity, right?). I’m sure Angelina Jolie didn’t cry herself to sleep on a bed of diamonds. I just really didn’t find him particularly fresh or funny while he was going after some of these people.

I really, really don’t want you to feel bad at all for anything on the internet, because it’s dumb (hi, I’m dumb!). I think your end-of-week breakdown and my PMS coincided in a perfect storm of feelings, but then my dog said he thinks I’m pretty cool, and I felt better. I can understand your sensitivity – nobody here knows me, so who’s to say i’m not a creepster? It’s not wise to hop into a new community and go right for rape jokes, I guess. People who know me know that I tend to say inappropriate things, which make my friends laugh because I’m kind of like a girl scout. But as far as anyone here knows, I am a lady-touching nerdvert.
You seem like the nicest dude. Don’t feel bad. I’d post a .gif of like a monkey riding a pig or something to make you feel better, but I’m afraid that would get me assassinated.

Thanks for the retraction. I can’t believe how shitty I’ve felt from something someone said on a website I go to for videos of dancing dogs. I’m a little less likely to throw up now, and also I’m probably just going to keep my comments to myself. Sorry! No molesto! Seriously!

Um, I wasn’t trying to be edgy. I made a lame joke. I’m very sorry that you were very offended. I didn’t think it would be offensive. My (lame) point was that this “game” looks like someone brushing their hands across a female that is like totally not responding, and it kind of looks molest-y, not at all like the beautiful and interactive act that is Doin’ It. By extension, it seems to me that this kind of thing (which, again, will never exist in America, because ESRB and society and stuff) would only appeal to the kind of creepy creeper who would kind of just want to touch a lady who wasn’t moving. I was not advocating molestation? At all? Because who is?
I have, on many an occasion, been a lone lady on an airplane (full of gaming nerds) packing sleeping pills, and have jokingly asked any male acquaintance who may be on the same flight to keep an eye out for me. I guess that popped into my head. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, or suggest that molestation is totally awesome. If it came across that way, I am very sorry. I think I’m more offended that my post just wasn’t very funny, but that’s my deal. Your deal is obviously different, and I’m sorry I didn’t anticipate any other kind of deals.

What? I thought’s that how Southwest has such affordable airline tickets – they let nerds pay more for a seat next to a lone female packing Ambien.

Three things should be noted:
1. Nothing like this will ever officially come out in America, ‘cuz no major retailer would sell it, and Microsoft would never approve it.
2. Tons of games like this already exist in Japan, just without using the Kinect interface. But the things they’ll do with the DS stylus, not to mention other *far more specific* input methods…
3. No gamer would pay for something virtual when he can get the exact same real life experience from a girl who falls asleep on an airplane. Duh. (And sleeping airplane girl is far less likely to look quite as disgusted as Virtual Touch Victim #2.)

 +8Posted on Dec 17th, 2010 | re: Gwyneth Paltrow Singing "Shake That Thing" From Country Strong (66 comments)

Is there a synonym for “authentic” that’s, like, a stronger word? Like, super-authentic? Because that (hypothetical) word just really applies to everything in that clip, on the reals. Someone needs to invent that word, so I can use it when I’m explaining to my family why I missed Christmas to set up camp outside my local Fandango offices.

 +3Posted on Dec 16th, 2010 | re: Now Imagine Thor Was White... (155 comments)

It’s nice that these assholes let us all know when they feel threatened. They might as well be wearing a sash that says “Don’t date me, non-garbage people!” across the front.

 +23Posted on Dec 16th, 2010 | re: Now Imagine Thor Was White... (155 comments)

Stories like this always make me think of my favorite Preacher panel (about racist dickbags):