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schlocktober
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 +4Posted on Oct 17th, 2013 | re: Goodbye, Damon Lindelof's Twitter Account (20 comments)

Lindelof knows he got away with murder by parlaying “Lost” into an actual career. He and Cuse were always total hacks. I will never forget their shit-eating grins during the lead-in to the “Lost” finale. Fuck those guys right in their millionaire faces.

 +1Posted on Oct 9th, 2013 | re: At Least We Don't Have To Play Ping Pong With Knives (45 comments)

This is what passes for a ping pong ball trick these days?

 +5Posted on Jun 3rd, 2013 | re: This Little Boy Is Today's #1 Internet Hero (33 comments)

I will take this opportunity to point out that, as a kid, I thought the lyrics were “My anus will face it, I’m addicted to love.”

 +1Posted on Jun 3rd, 2013 | re: Want To Talk About Dan Harmon Returning To Community? (17 comments)

The opening scene of season 4 was a glorified Eggo commercial that could have featured the characters from any two-bit sitcom. It was the beginning of the end. Is this news the end of the beginning?

 +4Posted on May 23rd, 2013 | re: It Is 2013, Right? (28 comments)

The writer of that commercial is a total JAG Officer.

Bill Murray + Crying = Tom Hanks?

 +23Posted on May 1st, 2013 | re: Benedict Cumberbatch Is, Once Again, Britain’s Sexiest Man (26 comments)

Wait, did Idris Elba die? Because otherwise, this is just silly.

 +9Posted on Apr 24th, 2013 | re: Child Has Right Idea, Steals Car To Escape Church (16 comments)

If there was audio, you could hear him yelling “Five-Oh, Five-Oh!” as he runs toward the house.

 +1Posted on Apr 17th, 2013 | re: Total Epic FAIL (14 comments)

Human multitasking is a fallacy.

H&G2: Jeremy Renner: Less Likable than Bradley Cooper?

I wish I didn’t know anything about KCC. Then I could maintain the illusion that video was actually the most self-aware thing I’ve ever seen.

Alos, Star Wipe! (I’m taking my name off this.)

 0Posted on Mar 17th, 2013 | re: Saturday Night Live: Justin Timberlake Enters The Five-Timers Club (53 comments)

“Now who’s the horse?”

 0Posted on Mar 11th, 2013 | re: Saturday Night Live: Kevin Hart And Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (25 comments)

I’ve never seen Walking Dead, but I really liked that sketch. It kills me when Nasim plays children.

 +10Posted on Mar 11th, 2013 | re: Mid-Day Dance Break! (14 comments)

Like a boss!

 -4Posted on Feb 5th, 2013 | re: The Perfect Crime: Flipping Off The Judge In The Court Room (38 comments)

She is behaving like a typical smart-ass teenager. The judge is a petty blowhard who’s abusing his authority. It is irresponsible of him to let his personal feelings determine sentences. Now we get to foot the bill for her 30-day incarceration for not adequately kissing his ass.

 0Posted on Jan 31st, 2013 | re: A New Addition To Our Sports Blooper Reel! (15 comments)

It’s your basic Staute of Liberty play, with one exception.

You gotta spend money to make money!

 +3Posted on Jan 25th, 2013 | re: Incredible Basketball Trick Shot Wait For It! (14 comments)

Before this became a basketball fail, it was a running fail. That is a seriously indoor kid (takes one to know one).

 +4Posted on Jan 24th, 2013 | re: Could Robert Pattinson Be The Next James Bond?! (38 comments)

Seamless!

 0Posted on Jan 20th, 2013 | re: This Is Just A Good Pizza Review (18 comments)

He’s a pretty good Topher Grace impersonator. Good, not great.

 +8Posted on Jan 17th, 2013 | re: BREAKING: Bradley Cooper Has Permed His Hair At Least Once (29 comments)

The mounting popularity and appeal of Bradley Cooper is the surest sign that I do not have the slightest fucking clue about what other humans enjoy.

 +11Posted on Jan 7th, 2013 | re: BREAKING: AL ROKER POOPED HIS PANTS AT THE WHITE HOUSE (32 comments)

I wish I could hear Roker tell this story in person, so I could savor what must be a very dramatic pause between, “a little something extra came out,” and, “I pooped my pants.” You know, to give the audience a moment to wonder, in silent awe.

 +2Posted on Jan 2nd, 2013 | re: Baby On A Roomba (21 comments)

Woomba 2.0

 +6Posted on Sep 7th, 2012 | re: Do Not Watch: Transparent Mantis Eats Fly (30 comments)

Mantises are the most inherently kung-fu creature on the planet. They move like a leaves in the wind.

No, wait, my real caption is:

“Just be thankful I didn’t fake my own death in front of 60,000 people at a football stadium.”