“Sour Patch Kids is people!”

“Topher Grace remains popular in my pants.” –thisismynightmare

The very large stick up this lady’s ass pretty much negates all her arguments…

And I bet teenagers these days like geometry or some shit. Stupid no-taste-having kids.

On the other hand, it also makes me feel like a fucking genius with a pleasant, non-autotuned voice who has made excellent life choices regarding finger tattoos and head piercings, so I think all things considered, I’m ok with feeling old. Pass me a bag of them Werthers, sonny!

Yeah, there is clearly some Benjamin Button-type shit going on here.

Disclaimer: I have actually never seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, so for all I know, this is an actual scene from the movie…in which case, I have to say I am surprised by some of the casting choices.

I wish JWOWW (all caps? really?) had specified whether she was talking about J-420 Cunningham or J-420 Chang because that would help me determine the credibility of her source.

I mean, everyone knows that J-420 Chang is a fucking liar.

I’m not a prolific videogum commenter and I don’t have a Twitter account, but as a fervent Harry Potter fan, I have to say that this Harry Twitter and the Potter of Gum is just the most MARVELOUS thing ever! Snape=Gabe — so freaking great! Dobby=Werttrew! Peeves=Winwood! I love this so much! It makes me want to comment more and start a Twitter (is that even the right terminology–”start a Twitter”? I don’t know!), just so I can play.

My day has been made. Thank you and good night.

I like that you divide people into very very specific groupings! It makes it easier for anyone to excel! The homeless guy I pass on the way to work is pretty good looking for an older, slightly racist guy who wears no pants and alternates between begging for change and bursting out in random song. (Unfortunately for him, my grandpa would fall into that same grouping, so homeless guy will only ever make it to 2nd best…but still, better than he would under less exacting criteria.)

I like this new world view!

Oh, Gabe…you can stop now…