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Roosevelt Franklin
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Fun with REAL Youtube comments:
“there’s a boy? at my school who looks exactly like justin bieber, but his name is mat! i have a HUGE crush on him. but this other girl likes him as well, but the other girl is really really gross.”

“I WAS THE 87TH PERSON TO WATCH THIS! THIS IS ICREDIBLE, IM SO PROUD OF JUSTIN AND IT WAS EVERYTHING WE WANTED PLUS MORE. IM STILL HAVING BIEBERGASMS. OH AND THANK THE LORD THAT THEY DIDNT KISS! (THEY PROBS DID BACKSTAGE BT OH WELL) COZ I WOULD HAVE PASSED OUT. AHH I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER STOP WATCHING? THIS VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D . HEY QUALITYS IMPROVING!”

yeah, thank god they didn’t actually kiss…then this might be considered the equivalent of preteen porn, which is both gross and ridiculous.

 0Posted on Feb 17th, 2010 | re: Operation Kevin Smith Drop, Phase 2 (45 comments)

Yeah, I have to side with Smith on this one too, not because of his movies (I don’t care whether or not you guys hate Clerks/etc.), or because he was so “wronged” by the airlines (which he freely admits that he’ll be fine and it didn’t bother him as much as the way they handled it) but because he’s really sticking up for this girl who was very clearly humiliated and wronged. To really hear the full side of this story and not base it off of a few “tweets” you should listen to his podcast, specifically the one where the girl tells her side of the story.

that being said: fat jokes are funny.

 +1Posted on Feb 2nd, 2010 | re: 2010 Academy Award Nominees, Guys (203 comments)

I’m not saying your opinion is wrong, but if it were true, why does every single woman I know LOVE this movie? (This includes progressive feminism-minded women).

 +18Posted on Feb 1st, 2010 | re: Connecticut Deserves A Better Class Of Criminal (37 comments)

If you can rob a bank, you can dodge a ball.

 +2Posted on Jan 26th, 2010 | re: This Insane Clown Posse Movie Is Real, My Ninjas (63 comments)

don’t forget Vanilla Ice and Jason Mewes!

actually. yes. please forget them. if you can. and I’ll do the same.

 +17Posted on Jan 26th, 2010 | re: This Insane Clown Posse Movie Is Real, My Ninjas (63 comments)

or was it champagne flavored Faygo? what a conundrum.
“Get to steppin”

 0Posted on Jan 25th, 2010 | re: Jurassic Park Erotic Fan Fiction Monday (13 comments)

this was of course supposed to be in reference to werttrew’s link, but alas.

 +1Posted on Jan 25th, 2010 | re: Jurassic Park Erotic Fan Fiction Monday (13 comments)

I found this link way more entertaining and *slightly* less creepy, if only for the pictures

 +17Posted on Jan 25th, 2010 | re: Jurassic Park Erotic Fan Fiction Monday (13 comments)

Clever girl…

 +4Posted on Dec 28th, 2009 | re: The Worst People Of 2009 (118 comments)

Looks like I get an Honorable Mention for not being a minute faster.

Story of my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adEdZSAJCfE

 +2Posted on Dec 28th, 2009 | re: The Worst People Of 2009 (118 comments)

What, no Gweneth? You’re getting soft in your old age, Gabe.

 +3Posted on Dec 14th, 2009 | re: My The Black List, 2009 (76 comments)

If you look at the actual list, the best/worst one by far is “Doc and Howie Whack A Granny”.

Let’s all imagine what it would be like if it gets made, starring Jeremy Piven and Seth MacFarlane (doing Stewie’s voice the whole time, naturally).

 +12Posted on Dec 9th, 2009 | re: Seriousgum Presents Rachel Maddow's Interview Of Richard Cohen (100 comments)

“Sputter…repeat talking points…backpedal…stammer…repeat talking points again…my hate crimes have been the victim of hate crimes!”
—Richard Cohen’s Tombstone

I’m going to choose to believe that the directors that I love that have signed this petition thought they were signing an online petition to bring back “Pushing Daisies” to television. Or something. I did that once, and I never even watched “Pushing Daisies”. It’s an easy enough mistake.

Roman Polanski should go to jail.

 +7Posted on Sep 21st, 2009 | re: The 2009 Emmy Awards (36 comments)

True…I’m sure people in Central and South America hate Charlie Sheen as well.

Let’s be honest. People all over the world hate Charlie Sheen. We should all film a giant “Buy the World A Coke”-type music video, only about how much he sucks. Featuring T-Pain.

 0Posted on Sep 21st, 2009 | re: The 2009 Emmy Awards (36 comments)

Duly noted. That’s one thing all of America can agree on (and apparently does not, considering Two & a Half Men is still on the air).

Baldwin is great. I just think Carrell is equally great and doesn’t get enough credit (from “the biz”, not from “the people”, because clearly, and luckily, The Office IS still on the air).

 +8Posted on Sep 21st, 2009 | re: The 2009 Emmy Awards (36 comments)

Am i the only one who’s a little annoyed that Alec Baldwin keeps winning Best Actor in a Comedy over Steve Carrell? Don’t get me wrong, I love both shows equally, and Baldwin is great, but I feel like Michael Scott is a much more complex character to portray than Jack Donaghy. Also, Ricky Gervais and Tony Shaloub are great too, not to take away from their respective wins. And I’m certainly glad that Charlie Sheen continues to not win. I just think that Michael Scott needs another chance. Especially after managing to destroy Stanley’s life last week.

 +2Posted on Sep 9th, 2009 | re: Going Down The Ricky Tic Rabbit Hole (27 comments)

So, I’m pretty sure every small town with a public access channel has one of these guys, but: my small town’s public access channel had one of these guys. A brilliantly insane master of videotape who would film these hour long dramas, which consisted of him talking on the phone in these longwinded, one-sided conversations with the other “characters”, and long, awkward montage transitions of clocks.

The best one was where he played a “canine lawman” on the search for spacepups from another dimension. Or the one where he bought an evil Christmas tree from a treebroker (who turned out to really be Hitler in disguise) that wound up killing his son.

If I could find all of his tapes I would post them on youtube in a heartbeat.

 +1Posted on Aug 24th, 2009 | re: One Thing Leads To Another (54 comments)

Am I the only one who was expecting this to be a cover of The Fixx song? I am? ok then.

 +5Posted on Aug 20th, 2009 | re: Jay-Z Runs This Town (With The Help Of His Aides, Rihanna And Kanye West) (34 comments)

Man, they really nailed the pagan/Juggalo Gathering aesthetic feel and atmosphere that the Apocalypse will surely have, all the way down to the sacrificial goat’s bleating/Rihanna.
That Kanye and Jay-Z sure know how to savoir some faire.

 0Posted on Aug 5th, 2009 | re: Weird Al Yankovic Has His Finger On The Pulse Of 2004's Youth (21 comments)

Is anyone really watching the video? Are they seeing the animated Reilly kicking a moose in the face and chopping cows in half with his foot? That alone is worth a couple lol’s.

Plus, making fun of Meg White’s drumming (however subtly) is always relevant.

 +5Posted on Jul 31st, 2009 | re: Shakira Is The Hot, Colombian Elaine Benes (73 comments)

you are…forgiven?
honest mistake. it is a ridiculous line that bears repeating. the most ridiculous in the whole Shakira catalogue (which might be saying something if I actually knew more than 4 Shakira songs) but i think this blows “not confusing my small and humble breasts with mountains” out of the water.

a-whoooOo!

 +11Posted on Jul 31st, 2009 | re: Shakira Is The Hot, Colombian Elaine Benes (73 comments)

I found the real thing here: http://www.aceshowbiz.com/video/download/00009362/
but it’ll probably disappear by the time I post this. Why all the secrecy about this video? it’s like it’s the leaked video of the latest “Harry Potter and the Paris Hilton Sex Tape” movie or something. Or maybe Shakira is so embarrassed by this song/video she doesn’t want anybody in America to know it existed.

Anyways, more than the spasm-y dancing and questionable costumes, I have always found that Shakira’s similes and metaphors are the most entertaining part of her music. “I’m starting to feel a little abused like the coffee machine in an office”…WHAT?!?!

 0Posted on Jul 28th, 2009 | re: Kids Play "Folsom Prison Blues" The Darndest Things (67 comments)

To be honest, I would love to watch this kid “acting the fool”. I feel like he could pull it off just as well as this. Maybe he’d do that Snoop Dogg country song and make it even more ridiculous!
That’s some gathering-ready Wicked Shit right there.

seriously though…he’s got pretty cool parents and he gets awesome credits for remembering every word…even I don’t know all the words to this song by heart, and I just got my Johnny Cash-elors’ Degree.

 +6Posted on Jul 28th, 2009 | re: The Greatest Fight Scene Of All Time (51 comments)

Why is nobody else acknowledging the perfectly random but amazing placement of the entire Teen Witch rap? Has that stone been squeezed dry and bloodless already? Is it because it’s not Kenneth?

Sad day for Teen Witches everywhere.