richie almost-dies
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 +9Posted on Jan 31st, 2014 | re: Three Katherine Chloe Cahoons, Dancing For The Super Bowl (21 comments)

Are the girls ins the back twins?

 +2Posted on Jan 29th, 2014 | re: The Petting Zoo: The Week's Top 10 Animal Videos (13 comments)

She’s calling him Butkus as in Dick Butkus, not “butkiss.” It’s a perfectly good name, like Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, Dick Pole, Misty Hyman, God Shamgod, DeWanna Boner, Harry Colon, Lucious Pusey, etc.

 +1Posted on Dec 27th, 2013 | re: Crushes Of 2013 (40 comments)

Furby Boom is a baby, you sick bastard!

 +4Posted on Oct 29th, 2013 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (7 comments)

He’s doing two handed harmony tapping and Pete Townsend windmillling. C’mon, Death and Taxes, step up your dad rock game.

Enjoy it, nerds, this is the only time you get to say, “I know more about space than you do” without being wedgied.

“Norwegian knot-less pine? Come back when you have some Brazilian redwood.” -Kelly

 +11Posted on Sep 12th, 2013 | re: Today We Are All This Pee Wee Quarterback (38 comments)

At least he was blocking someone. None of these kids held a block more for more than 1 Mississippi’s. If I was any of those kid’s father I would mention how much better their QB is at football. Then they would grow up in quiet resentment until that grew into passive aggressiveness and a displaced sense of self loathing. They would go off to college and become distant. When they finally had a family of their own, they would never visit and I would finally see that I didn’t really appreciate them. I don’t know, that’s what I would do.

EVERY day?! That’s it guys, cancel Wench Wednesday.

 +4Posted on Sep 3rd, 2013 | re: Breaking Bad S05E12: Going Over Some Options (42 comments)

I really hope we get one last appearance from Beaver and Skinny Pete before the series ends.

 +17Posted on Sep 3rd, 2013 | re: Breaking Bad S05E12: Going Over Some Options (42 comments)

No wonder he bailed when he saw the big bald dude playing with his daughter at the park.

 +8Posted on Sep 3rd, 2013 | re: The Comedy Central Roast Of James Franco Open Thread (47 comments)

What kind of name is Catweazle? A creature who is indifferent and likes to get out of stuff? Just what we need another Jeremy PIven. POWWW!

 +7Posted on Sep 3rd, 2013 | re: The Comedy Central Roast Of James Franco Open Thread (47 comments)

BOY! Catwazle, I haven’t seen someone misread a post since last time Billy Joel was allowed to drive. POW!

During Transformers health class the gang is shown slides demonstrating why you should always wear a condom.

It wasn’t cheap, but Simon Cowell finally figured out how to cover up his manboobs.

 +11Posted on Aug 6th, 2013 | re: Cast Of The Lone Ranger Criticizes Critics' Criticism Of The Lone Ranger (34 comments)

Who would’ve guessed that a group of people who didn’t have any problem with one of America’s biggest movie star playing a racial caricature would have denial issues.

Seems like any unpleasantness would’ve been avoided with nighttime work.

Local businesses are getting boned once again.

Well, if it was one of the Spygate rings, you could say the Patriots stole it to begin with.

 +5Posted on Apr 8th, 2013 | re: Where Else Should The Avatar Sequels Go? (46 comments)

When I have kids I’ll taking them there all the time. I’m not particularly religious, I just like fucking with people.

 0Posted on Mar 27th, 2013 | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (109 comments)

Today was awful. I went to a job interview where the two female interviewers just kept staring at my junk. I kept talking to them in an intelligent way but their eyes just kept glossing over. When I went to leave I heard one of them whisper to the other, then they both tried to muffle their laughter. I know they didn’t take me seriously, but to be honest I don’t even know if I want the job anymore. Then to make it worse some drunk woman made a disgusting remark at me on the train on the way home. I went to stand by a group of women to feel safer but they too were only interested in looking at my pants.

 +18Posted on Mar 19th, 2013 | re: Your Dream Celebrity Wedding Officiant (39 comments)

Kelly can help me do the public marriage proposal.

 +12Posted on Mar 18th, 2013 | re: Girls Season 2 Finale Open Thread (48 comments)

I’ve half-watched Girls for it’s entire run because my girlfriend loves it, but I feel like the show it’s not made for me so I’m not qualified to comment. It’s kind of like when my boss and my black work friends discuss Madea. I guess what I’m saying is Lena Dunham is the white, rich girl version of Tyler Perry. Yup, that’s it.

 +5Posted on Mar 14th, 2013 | re: OK, We Are Definitely The New Fallen Roman Empire (28 comments)

Gotta say, though I’m loving classic rock day at Videogum, this would make an excellent Xiu Xiu video.

 +3Posted on Mar 14th, 2013 | re: Lunch Break: Old-Timey Blooper Reel Is An Absolute Delight (8 comments)

Favorite blooper reels:

Arrested Development Season 2
In Living Color
Grizzly Man
Community season 1

 +5Posted on Mar 14th, 2013 | re: This Lord Of The Rings Sand Castle Makes Me Feel Things (26 comments)

…and so castles made of sand fall into Mount Doom eventually.