Gentlemen, meet your valet. I’m John Bates.

First of all, Schumacher is not known for his discerning tastes. But if we’re looking at who was the most appealing Batman I have to agree with him. He was serious and fun, but also incredibly sexy. Clooney was TOO fun and the rest were TOO serious. Keaton was good, but not sexy enough. Bale was just…robotic.

Style never goes out of fashion.

(p.s. I mean that in the losing weight sense, because I totally do not think Chaz is a loser in the regular loser sense. In my opinion, he is one really brave dude.)

Maybe it’s a crossover season “Dancing with the Biggest Loser”

No ultra-conservative children. (“we need a foil for this wacky mom, character–hey, why don’t we make one of her KIDS a republican!”)

So, I mentally applied real Les Mis roles to each of your suggestions:

Britt Daniel for Valjean
Aziz Ansari for Gavroche
Ryan Gosling for Marius (double duh)
Kelly Conaboy as Eponine
Vincent Gallo for Thenardier (I originally cast Aziz for this, but I can change my mind, dammit)
Chuck Bass for Marius’ friend whatsisname
Hugh Laurie as Javert
Lil Wayne as Madame Thenardier

…AND Aubrey Plaza as Cosette