Hi, my name is Sean Hannity, and welcome’s to Sean Hannity’s Douche. I am here to talk about the greatest, best douche God has ever given man. This douche is the most free douche, a douche where dreams come true, a douche that lives up to all the standards set out in the Douche-laration of Independence. Everyday, I thank God for bestowing upon us this feminine hygiene product, the greatest most free feminine hygiene product on the face of this Earth. And it pains me-it PAINS me-to see people disrespecting this douche, mocking its ideals and insulting its liberty. People who claim to be douche-riots. Yet they don’t appreciate the freedom and the liberty bestowed upon them by this douche, the greatest, best douche God has given man. Well I’m not afraid to say it: I love this douche.

He should’ve called called it Cheeseburger: A Love Movie. Because he’s fucking fat! LOL!

Is it safe to wear Ed Hardy ironically yet?

So does the cake taste like abstinence?

No this isn’t fucking racist, it’s TRUE. White people are scared of black people even though they’re just like us. Holy shit, no one has ever made that commentary before. Just because something depicts a stereotype doesn’t mean it is stereotyping, it is merely pointing out that the stereotype exists, rather than ignoring it.

Josh Brolin deserves to win for best supporting actor. He stole every scene he was in, and that was in a cast including James Franco and Sean Penn. Unfortunately, sentimentality and the Academy’s desperation for a “moment” will probably rob him. Benjamin Button was good, but Gran Torino doesn’t deserve shit. It’s completely cliche and predictable, not to mention that Thao can’t act for shit. Eastwood rocks ass (and does deserve an actor nod), and the first 45 minutes or so are hilarious, but unfortunately the movie is a steaming pile of shit trying way to hard to be “meaningful” and “important,” but ultimately it is only transparent.