Being illiterate has its drawbacks, as Xavier Beauvois demonstrates holding up a t-shirt he believes to say “Haiti”. We all have a good laugh at his expense.

I resent the implication that liking Betty White is ironic and absurd. I’ve been a huge Golden Girls fan since I can remember the show being on. I have Betty White’s autograph. I have all seven seasons of the Golden Girls on DVD.

I wish I could just like something for liking it without being accused of having an ironic intention.

Also: is it sexual harassment if someone lip syncs “Work me all night!” at you with a big doofy grin on their face?

I was walking along the beach with my French pool boy, Marco, and came upon a beached nerd. The tide was low and he was left stranded to dry out in the sun. I picked him up and threw him back into the ocean. Marco said to me, “Why did you do zat?” I said, “Because I wanted to save his life.” Marco retorted, “But look around you. Zere are ‘undreds upon ‘undredz of zees nerds. You can’t possibly safe zem all. Zere are so many, you could not pozzibly make a difference.” I looked at Marco long and deeply and said, “I made a difference for that one. I made a difference for that one.” Marco wiped away a tear away from his perfectly cheek-boned face. The end.

Remember when the ASIMO robot tried to climb a set of stairs at a robot show and it tripped and fell down the stairs and curled up into the fetal position because it was programmed to do so when it calculated the parameters for embarrassing itself? That’s what this is.