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Patti Stanger
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 +11Posted on Oct 1st, 2012 | re: The World Is Finally Ready For A Little House On The Prairie Movie (30 comments)

AND it’s being written by the woman who wrote Shame (for real). I can’t wait to see the big boners on those covered wagons!!

 +7Posted on Jul 11th, 2012 | re: Beware Of Benedict Cumberbatch, Ladies! (63 comments)

I can be such a Cunterbatch sometimes.

 +2Posted on Sep 27th, 2011 | re: Whoever Patti Stanger Is, She Needs To Rest Her Case (66 comments)

Hi guys! Sorry for everything, except for everything. Love you!

“Somebody bring me back some artisanal cheeses pleeeeeaaase.”

“I am going to fuck the shit out of this guy.” — Bill Clinton

 +25Posted on Jan 11th, 2010 | re: Shut Up, Jerry Seinfeld (110 comments)

Sorry for the long boring comment, but Warden’s the worst, so here goes:

Wow, Warden, you seem like an angry young man. Let’s take a look at your argument:

You say: But NBC is not out to create quality, they are a subsidiary of a publicly traded company and as such must serve the desires of their shareholders: namely, making money.

Correct! But…actually, the decline in NBC’s profitability since the end of Friends is closely tied to NBC’s failure to create “quality” programming. In the year following the end of Friends, every single fall pilot was canceled, save one: JOEY. It had a serious penalty attached and was basically given a walk to go two years. The other pilots — such gems as LAX, Hawaii, Medical Investigation — were canceled so quickly you probably barely remember them. In the intervening years, it’s been more of the same: Four Kings? Celebrity Cooking Showdown? The remake of Coupling. Knight Rider. Inconceivable. those were all real shows. Shoot me in the face please! Those shows represent millions worth of investment and they failed because of, well, a lack of quality.

The flaw in your argument is that network profitability and quality shows don’t go hand in hand. Sure, there are some shit-shows that pull in massive ratings, because we don’t all have the same definition of “quality.” Life is a beautiful mystery which contains both 30 Rock and CSI:Miami. But for every low-rated but best ever The Wire out there, there’s a Lost. Or Cheers. Or Seinfeld. Good and profitable. Well, I never! And as Gabe pointed out, Seinfeld needed time to work. As did, actually Cheers, which had abysmal ratings out of the gate. so could Conan grow his audience? Sure.

For years, Jeff Zucker has been relying on parlor tricks to increase profitability. Super-sizing shows, having an in-front instead of an upfront, moving Leno to 10 so you don’t have to develop. He’s tried to keep costs down instead of raising profits. And this has distracted from the fact that for years NBC has been like a soda company that stopped making soda and expected to keep making money. Or rather, they started making terrible soda and kept insisting we buy it based on the packaging. It might work for a while, but eventually we all realize we’re drinking a tall glass of Celebrity Cooking Showdown.

This whole late show debacle is directly descended from this terrible business philosophy. I actually think that now that Comcast has taken over and Gaspin is in charge things will start to swing back towards NBC actually making TV — quality TV — the most profitable kind! This late show stuff is just a hangover from the previous administration.

But in this whole mess one thing’s certain: don’t blame Conan.

And also one other thing: You know, shut up.

 +18Posted on Jan 8th, 2010 | re: Will Somoene Please Design A Self-Potato T-Shirt Already? (55 comments)

 +15Posted on Jan 8th, 2010 | re: Will Somoene Please Design A Self-Potato T-Shirt Already? (55 comments)

Thanks Bird. I just got out of jail and this is my first time on the internet.

 +1Posted on Jan 8th, 2010 | re: Will Somoene Please Design A Self-Potato T-Shirt Already? (55 comments)

Hey, I’m smart. How do I post a picture?

 0Posted on Sep 24th, 2009 | re: Modern Family: A Poor Man's (Attempt At) Arrested Development? (57 comments)

Sorry, I meant Contemporary Accidentally Shooting With BB Guns

 0Posted on Sep 24th, 2009 | re: Modern Family: A Poor Man's (Attempt At) Arrested Development? (57 comments)

I would like to watch a whole show of Ty Burrell accidentally shooting people with a BB Gun. It would be called Modern Accidentally Shooting With BB Guns starring Ty Burrell, and it would be ninety minutes long, and it would be great.

 +5Posted on Aug 19th, 2009 | re: Las Vegas Offers Hangover Themed Weekend To Assholes (29 comments)

May I invite you on my District 9 Shantytown Vacation? You stay for three years and you get to throw up a lot.

 +7Posted on Aug 18th, 2009 | re: The Videogum Movie Club: District 9 (125 comments)

I really liked the movie. I think in the wake of the Funny People FAIL this summer, it’s just nice to see a movie made on the cheap by someone who isn’t parading his own life in front of the cameras for approval, and isn’t relying on stars to dupe us into liking a poorly thought out film.

I know these two films are totally unrelated, but they are the two movies I was most looking forward to this summer, and I was glad that one paid off.

Plus, you know, cool aliens.

 +5Posted on Aug 3rd, 2009 | re: The Videogum Movie Club: Funny People (96 comments)

I think this discussion kind of produces a meta-review of the movie that adds up to this:

It was okay.