The guy who directed Jingle All The Way is my Dad’s college roommate. While Jingle All The Way might not be the WMOAT he is very likely the Worst Director of All Time (Snow Dogs, The Spy Next Door, Are We There Yet?). Dad claims that he gave the guy (Brian Levant) the idea to go be a director.

My point is that when you go back in time to stop this guy from going to Hollywood (after killing Hitler) please try not and screw up too much with my Dad in the process. I don’t want to not exist. Or have to memorize a bunch of new kings or something.

We should all find something that makes us so happy…

But, not really, because I live near St. Petersburg and there are so many other better things you could be doing than sitting outside of Best Buy. Like going to one of the ten-thousand parks, or the beach, or Ft. De Soto Park which is a park and a beach and a Spanish fort. Or the Dali museum, or that really good Gelatto place, or the giant used bookstore which is the size of a Best Buy but is filled with old books. Or go to that movie theater owned by the guy who wrote The Punisher and insult his movie not realizing he is behind you.

Or, go hang outside of a Best Buy. That’s good too.

While You Were Sleeping is my pick. It’s one of those movies that is a romantic comedy but in real life everyone would be in jail. Sandra Bullock saves the Eyebrows of Seth Cohen’s Dad from getting his by a train. But then he’s in a coma so she pretends to be his fiancee. But then she falls in love with his brother. Then he wakes up and falls in love with her so she has to choose between…WHO CARES SHE’S A SOCIOPATH AND WILL SELL YOUR ORGANS FOR CAT FOOD. Which either means that she’ll sell them to be turned into cat food or that she will take cat food in exchange for them. Maybe both because she’s terrible.

But my Dad’s college roommate directed Jingle All The Way so that’s good too.

My High School boyfriend and I both thought that if we got maried we’d turn into Kevin Spacey and Annette Benning. That scene where he is bitching about wanting to stay home and watch James Bond really happened on our way to see the movie. (MLIAB?)

But even though we both recognized that our relationship would lead us to becoming people we both saw as awful we still dated for another 8 years. Because teenagers are functionally retarded.

I always thought the point of the movie was that we were supposed to hate all the characters (like Catcher in the Rye). So, I always liked the movie for doing a great job of showing terrible people.

I always wanted to read a book that was The Catcher in the Rye but told from all the non-Holden people. Just pages and pages of adults going, “Holden Caufield is such a little shit.”

Anyway, I nominate Australia for WMOAT because it is awful. It also features Videogum favorite Hugh “pee-pants” Jackman and frozen faced Nicole Kidman. And it’s amazingly racist in this weird reverse way where you can tell they are trying to hard not to be racist but it only makes them seem more racist. And the movie never ends. It just goes on forever and ever.

But mostly, pee-pants. Come on.