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miss lonelyhearts
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 +11Posted on May 3rd, 2013 | re: What Is Your Most Embarrassing Celebrity Dream? (40 comments)

My best friend once texted me, “My mom had a sex with Chris Parnell.” (She is not very good with the grammar.) I went kind of crazy telling my boyfriend and my sister that OMG K___’S MOM AND CHRIS PARNELL HAD SEX ISN’T THAT AWESOME? and daydreaming about her mom and Chris Parnell falling in love and me spending Thanksgivings at their place, just hanging out while Chris Parnell carved the turkey. Then I actually spoke with this friend on the phone the next day and she told me that she left out a very important word in the text: her mom had a sex DREAM with Chris Parnell. A dream.

The most embarrassing celebrity dreams I’ve had are the two separate ones where James Franco and David Foster Wallace were my very sweet, attentive boyfriends. Mostly these dreams make me wonder how unbearable I am in waking life, and then make me grateful for my totally unpretentious real life boyfriend.

 +8Posted on Apr 30th, 2013 | re: Here Are Some Morning Links! (26 comments)

Ooh, yikes, I hope I didn’t imply that! Sorry if I did. I definitely don’t think that all people who have kids (or change their last names when they get married) are doing it because of tradition or because they feel they have to.

 +10Posted on Apr 30th, 2013 | re: Here Are Some Morning Links! (26 comments)

Hmm, I feel like it’s happening because only recently has it been socially acceptable to declare that you, as a woman, do not want to fulfill your feminine duty of having a baby. Coupled with the prominence of mommy blogs (ugh, I hate that phrase), such a sentiment seems primed to make a splash, you know? So on the one hand there’s the recently empowered non-child-wanters shouting defensively about their preference, and on the other hand there’s the always vociferous and opinionated mommy bloggers arguing back.

I don’t want kids, but that’s not a discussion I ever have with people who do want or already have kids. Why bother? I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind, and I feel comfortable enough with my decision not to talk about it all the time. It is, though, a discussion that I have with other friends around my age who don’t want kids. We are few in number, and since we don’t want to talk about it with our child-having friends, it feels kinda like a secret club.

 +5Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: What Is Ian Somerhalder Talking About? (37 comments)

And NOT the butterfly effect of chaos theory fame. This day, please end.

 +6Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: What Is Ian Somerhalder Talking About? (37 comments)

But seriously, when he says “the whole butterfly effect,” I’m inclined to think that he’s talking about the 2004 Ashton Kutcher classic, and the butterfly effect of chaos theory fame.

 +7Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: What Is Ian Somerhalder Talking About? (37 comments)

Is he talking about how it’s only 2:45 here and not even CLOSE to the end of my day yet? :(

 +13Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: You Can Just Do Whatever You Want (65 comments)

You know Chuck Bass?? CAN YOU INTRODUCE ME?!

 +26Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: You Can Just Do Whatever You Want (65 comments)

Ugh, I know, that whole post was gross. Whoops again! But as I learned from this post I can just do whatever I want.

 +18Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: You Can Just Do Whatever You Want (65 comments)

(I also thought, “Semi-seated venue? Who wants to stand for three hours watching The Deer Hunter?”)

 +15Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: You Can Just Do Whatever You Want (65 comments)

Oh my god, before I got to the phrase “also being raised to appreciate good music,” I thought you meant the movie The Deer Hunter, and I was like, “Well, THAT seems inappropriate.”

 +15Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: You Can Just Do Whatever You Want (65 comments)

My boyfriend gets bummed that even when we go to the nicest restaurants where we live, he feels out of place in a suit, because most of our fellow diners are wearing jeans.

I, on the other hand, accidentally wore unwashed jeans, a wrinkled t-shirt with holes in it, and a red satin jacket to work today. The day I happen to have a meeting with, um, Tony Kushner. Whoops.

 +5Posted on Apr 18th, 2013 | re: That's Your Intercollegiate Sport: Quidditch (28 comments)

My school won this. I don’t care about any sports, but I DO think it’s funny that our Quidditch team is now better than our famed football team. (They pay that football coach $5 mil a year!)

 +2Posted on Apr 9th, 2013 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (13 comments)

Molly Ringwald keeps doing all this weird unexpected shit (pen a short story collection, release a jazz album), which I find endearing (though not particularly interesting). But then I remember she is on that awful show The Secret Life of the American Teenager, and that is really just unforgivable.

 +22Posted on Apr 8th, 2013 | re: Slaughterhouse 90210: Parks And Metacreation (18 comments)

omg you guys I’ve been wanting to post this forever

 +8Posted on Apr 8th, 2013 | re: Saturday Night Live Melissa McCarthy And Phoenix (26 comments)

My favorite part was the perfectly unenthused way she said “Ham” over the “Get Ready for This”* song.

*Who knew it was called “Get Ready for This”? I didn’t, until I googled it like 30 seconds ago. I always called it the Spurs song.

 +5Posted on Mar 19th, 2013 | re: If You Don't Want To Be "Labeled A Sex Offender," Don't Rape Someone! (132 comments)

Just watched the video for the first time and wanted to say that, on top of every other fucked up thing you guys have recounted in these comments, it’s also REALLY fucked up that CNN left the victim’s name uncensored in that footage. UGH.

 +8Posted on Mar 18th, 2013 | re: If You Don't Want To Be "Labeled A Sex Offender," Don't Rape Someone! (132 comments)

I don’t think that’s right, actually. “The next thing she remembers, Jane Doe said, is waking up ‘embarrassed, scared, not sure what to think,’ under a blanket in an unfamiliar place surrounded by three boys…. Two of her friends picked her up, and after a short trip to drop off the two defendants, they started yelling at her over what they were hearing about the night before.” And one of the rapists sent her a text about how it wasn’t urine but a different bodily fluid. (I hate having typed that sentence.)

It’s not like it matters, though. This case doesn’t exist on some gradient of badness. It’s all just question-your-faith-in-humanity terrible.

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2013/03/steubenville-victim-testimony/63192/

 +4Posted on Mar 11th, 2013 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (11 comments)

I read a lot of celebrity gossip (like for real A LOT, definitely way too much), and my friends who read it also have recommended Dlisted to me, and I hate it for the exact reasons you just enumerated. These are smart people who identify as feminists. They think Michael K is funny and he gets a pass and I don’t understand why. Not that the writing on a gossip website is hugely important in the grand scheme of things re: equality, but it does bother me that it’s yet another arena in which such blatant misogyny, etc. reigns without much criticism. And considering that celebrity gossip is usually marketed toward women (which is itself not cool), it seems an especially damaging place for that shit to propagate.

 +1Posted on Mar 6th, 2013 | re: Here Are Some Morning Links! (13 comments)

(And every other season 2 episode except maybe the first couple.)

 +1Posted on Mar 6th, 2013 | re: Here Are Some Morning Links! (13 comments)

YES to bring Enlightened back. The second season had some of the best half-hours of TV I’ve ever seen. (I’m looking at you, Levi episode.)

 +9Posted on Mar 5th, 2013 | re: Oh Shut Up, Taylor Swift (82 comments)

Even Jessie and Mallory are more mature! Well. Maybe not Mallory, actually.

 +25Posted on Mar 5th, 2013 | re: Oh Shut Up, Taylor Swift (82 comments)

My first reaction: sheer frustration. And then I thought, well, clearly she DOES think of things in terms of guys vs. girls, because apparently there’s this scale of hard work atop which the men sit, and we ladies must aspire to that if we want to be treated equally. And then I felt bad for her, because if that’s what her parents taught her–well. It sucks to grow up believing that something so damaging is right when it’s clearly wrong.

 +53Posted on Mar 5th, 2013 | re: Oh Shut Up, Taylor Swift (82 comments)

If you work as hard as guys?! IF YOU WORK AS HARD AS GUYS?!

 +4Posted on Mar 1st, 2013 | re: Here Are Some Morning Links! (11 comments)

 +16Posted on Feb 28th, 2013 | re: A Talking Cat!?! Trailer, You Guys (34 comments)

What the fuck did I just watch?