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mikegentry
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Mr. Pink: the Early Years
I’ll give her this much: she is definitely boring.
I just figured he’d joined a traveling circus and was going around healing people. #nickstahlhasbeeninotherthings
“But what I do have is a particular set of skills, skills I have acquir– oh, fuck it, just keep her. Her Mom’s gonna be all up in my grill either way.”
I’m going to go with “Your child is crying, indicating intestinal distress, and repeatedly articulating that she needs to poop, and all you do is laugh nervously and stare glassy-eyed at Natalie Moralez,” as something to put my finger on.
Is it just me or does that kid have a face like, “That’s right, haters. You just wish you were me.”
Do not touch that robot on the anus or around the anus.
I love that they have to specify that he wanted to be touched both “on his anus” and “around” his anus. It’s like:
Judge: “So, you’re saying, Mr. Travolta tried to force your client to touch him on the anus?”
Lawyer: “Not just on the anus, your honor.”
Judge: “Really? Where else then?”
Lawyer: “He also tried to force my client to touch him AROUND the anus.”
Judge: “Oh! Really? On it *and* around it? Okay then. SUSTAINED.”
Is there any way I can explain how Thor broke out of the un-break-outable thing without looking like a giant nerd? No? Maybe?
“You know how we talked about before, how we want to document our family. Well, specifically, I would like to document myself looking at porn.”
WTF with the woman just sort of casually walking over at 0:20? “Hey, that girl just got swallowed by the sidewalk. Looks interesting. Maybe I should check that out.”
It only took 28 tries to perfect this masterpiece?
Hey, lady in the blue coat: drop the shopping bag. Whatever you had in there is just gone, man.
The Assault: based on the true story about how the French have always been pretty fucking racist against Arabs.
I’m looking forward to the day when the word “rape” is finally drained of all power and meaning, and people have to move on to an even more loaded word to express their fake exaggerated outrage.
“I just felt so Holocausted when I heard that song used in that commercial.”
“We make an effort to keep them functional and clean.” = your new all-time favorite pick-up line.
I’m so distracted by that freakishly tall woman on the left.
“Subject: RE: RE: oops [was: RE: FW: RE: FW: RE: "put your cum here and here"] — Oops, meant to add, ‘also put it here.’ Stupid app.”
–Olivia Munn’s “Sent Messages” folder
For a guy who is so brave and honest about his beliefs, he sure has a tough time just straight up saying that homosexuality is a sin (0:33).
“How insidious was this virus?”
“Oh, about yea insidious? Maybe? I have no fucking idea, really, because I do not own a computer, because I am Amish.”
I bet the fucking guy that made the months is pretty embarrassed now.
I feel like that video didn’t quite live up to my expectations. Like, maybe it lived up to around 66% of my expectations, but then left me about 33% disappointed.
“The drums! All my life, inside my head, the sound of drums!” –Bill O’Reilly
I’m glad she specified that the spanking was “unwarranted.” Because the first question that popped into my mind was, “Well, were you being bad?”
A ten part television adaptation? So… the idea is to make it less scary, but ten times as long? Really?