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 0Posted on Feb 2nd, 2012 | re: Worlds Been Had Colliding: Selena Gomez And Eli Roth Edition (40 comments)

Part of his ongoing, misguided campaign to be considered Mexican-American.

Germany has weird phone-sex ads too! By which I mean, phone-sex ads more explicit than softcore porn.

Both your numbers are off by a good three 0s.

 +5Posted on Sep 8th, 2011 | re: Happy Birthday, Jonathan Taylor Thomas! (26 comments)

He married a much older lady and the last I read they were on opposite sides of a lawsuit about PlayFood! I wish the internet would tell me how that story ended, it was AMAZING.

 +1Posted on Aug 22nd, 2011 | re: Entourage S08E05: The Greatest Love Stories Ever Told (15 comments)

Melinda Clarke, a.k.a. the American Polly Walker, is a delight.

 0Posted on Aug 22nd, 2011 | re: Breaking Bad S04E06: Did Friggen Shakespeare Write This Episode? (42 comments)

He is! Man that guy was creepy. I miss Claudette.

 +12Posted on Aug 19th, 2011 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (38 comments)

Gabe just wants to ask her a question.

 +5Posted on Aug 10th, 2011 | re: A Fake Interview With Emma Stone (38 comments)

The Help was a pretty terrible book, but whatshername the author did a good job conveying the dangerousness of the (made-up) project and the fear the (fictional) maids felt about participating in it. Reading it, I was alternately totally annoyed and totally stressed out by their stress.

The trailer makes the movie look like a kooky little comedy about, I don’t know, how to write a Trauma-Rama novel for Southern White Ladies. Will that make more people want to see it? Yes? “More people” are gross, just like this movie? Okay.

 +10Posted on Aug 9th, 2011 | re: Fake Jeremy Irons Quotes About Women (40 comments)

Kim Basinger and Ireland Baldwin respectfully disagree.

 +7Posted on Jul 29th, 2011 | re: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments (92 comments)

Man I’ve missed you guys.

 0Posted on Jul 28th, 2011 | re: Science Has (Incorrectly) Determined The Saddest Movie Scene Of All Time (91 comments)

We watched this movie at school once and when Artax died it was SO SAD I left the room to cry. I never tried watching it again.

 +14Posted on Jul 27th, 2011 | re: An Open Letter To The Disease Of Nostalgia (112 comments)

A half-hour of Clarissa helps the “unemployed, broke, and depressed” reality-medicine go down. The present is horrible. The future is bleak. When I was 10, it wasn’t. It’s nice to be reminded of a time when the country was waging one war the Middle East and the weight of the world had only just begun to rest on my little shoulders.

 +12Posted on Jul 25th, 2011 | re: True Blood S04E05: Eric And Sookie Sitting In A Tree, V-A-M-PIRE-I-N-G (36 comments)

Like we, the educated and worldly viewers of True Blood, wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between Scandinavian accents. Come ON, show.

 +4Posted on Jul 15th, 2011 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (86 comments)

Some of my friends were extras in Contagion! I am excited about looking for their heads in giant crowd shots!

 +6Posted on Jul 11th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Australia (80 comments)

Ooh also that rapper in the hospital who was our boyfriend for a little while. Remember? That guy? Australian!

 +1Posted on Jul 1st, 2011 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (47 comments)

Brave, starring me as a child. So great!

I’d like to remind everyone of the immortal decree of Patton Oswalt: you get a birthday party through the age of 10, after which you are allowed to celebrate 16, 18, 21, and thereafter exclusively the changing of the decades. Anything beyond that is childish and tacky.

Apparently it was all naked fondue spouse-swapping, all the time! Or at least so The Ice Storm would have us believe.

 0Posted on Feb 9th, 2011 | re: Let's Do The Charlie Sheen Numbers (73 comments)

Superglue is the third Koch brother!

 +13Posted on Feb 9th, 2011 | re: Let's Do The Charlie Sheen Numbers (73 comments)

The other 10 percent are my parents, one of whom did at one time sell drugs, though never to Charlie Sheen.

Sorry everyone. Just, sorry. I erase it from their DVR whenever possible and remind them of his terrible behavior at every opportunity, but there’s only so much one person can do.

Rachel did completely and 100 percent reclaim and OWN that Katy Perry song. Especially considering she was singing it to, for, and by herself. She’s much more tolerable a character when she’s making those
“overcoming the suffering” faces in the mirror.

 +5Posted on Feb 9th, 2011 | re: The Wicker Tree Trailer, You Guys (41 comments)

That’s one fewer Southern Christian’s evangelical yapping to have to tune out! So, ultimate gain?

 +5Posted on Feb 9th, 2011 | re: Harry Potter And The Pole Dance Of Yikes (54 comments)

Would you take ladies in patent leather bikinis spinning flaming poi?

 +14Posted on Feb 7th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Splice (177 comments)

I just love you all so much.

The episode 100 percent flummoxed my parents, but they did greatly enjoy “Bills, Bills, Bills.” An when the DVR stopped recording just when Katie Couric sat down with Sue, three yells of disappointment filled the living room, because everyone loves Jane Lynch.

SO FINN AND QUINN KISSED OMG! I wish I cared as much as I did when Mike Chang got to act. His “Tina?!” was the best.