I had recently been convalescing after a traumatic trip abroad when I began to feel I had lost my direction in life. Because of some unfortunate property damage, I owed a great debt to my former employers; although I said they could bill me, they offered to let me work it off instead. They wanted me to work as a contractor with a squad of marines, and accompany them to a remote location. I agreed, but I still don’t know if their offer was a blessing or a curse.

The marines were condescending toward me at first, but were impressed when I showed them I could do some heavy lifting. I’m not the kind of girl who’s content to be a backseat driver; I grab the wheel and do what needs to be done. I have trouble accepting one of the group, although he is a man of the cloth (a bishop, in fact). I once knew a man much like him who betrayed my trust. At the same time, this bishop has given me new hope in life. I pray that he will be able to bombard this location with the word of God (it’s the only way to be sure).

Now I am facing a dilemma. I’m no racist, but I admit that I hate the locals in this area. They are inhuman and cruel; at times I swear they must have acid instead of blood. There has been much violence during their close encounters with my friends. But there is a orphan girl here, so frightened of the natives that she hides under the buildings like a little lizard. A local mother wants to steal her and make the girl part of her brood. I want to rescue her, but I might put my friends in danger if I enrage the local population. I have two questions, one about the girl and one about the mother. Should I adopt this orphan, even if it puts the bishop’s good work at risk? Secondly, about the mother: can the grace of God help me send this ice-cold bitch straight to hell?

“One of these awards shows…pow, right in the kisser! Straight to the moon!”

I guess that would be more appropriate at the VMAs, or possibly never.