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 0Posted on May 7th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Eli Manning And Rihanna (25 comments)

There’s always precisely one Weekend Update joke that makes me laugh unexpectedly hard, and this week was definitely the rise in stolen NYC manhole covers and the corresponding rise in missing unicyclists. The rest of the jokes were BLUUUGGGGHHHWWWWWHATEVERRRRR

 +2Posted on May 7th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Eli Manning And Rihanna (25 comments)

So on that Food Truck episode of Bob’s Burgers, there was that singer with the song called ‘Oil Spill’ in which the oil spill was her vagina, a metaphor which was ‘not subtle,’ as Gene put it… and, well, that was basically that entire Rihanna song as well? Right? (GOOD STORY BRO)

“Fuck you, miss!”

Minute to Vomit: you have to eat your own vomit or guy fieri calls you ‘brother’ and eats a chili dog in your kitchen every day until death do you part

Mixed magic arts is more like it

My real honest belief is that this is does not make it any worse for them. not because its futility is unimportant. It is super important. but more because the feeling you have about how you drank donkey semen, at all, is kind of like absolute zero in the feelings of regret department. They cannot even register a slightly worse regret about this whole situation in its entirety at all

 +4Posted on Feb 1st, 2012 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (11 comments)

Why is Bill Murray still in makeup from his cameo in Zombieland?

 -1Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: Ryan Gosling's Dramatic Reaction To His "Oscar Snub" Revealed! (27 comments)

If everyone started saying “no,” instead of “no, but ____________!!_________?_____(__)_____.” even snarkily, we would be much better off.

 +11Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: Ryan Gosling's Dramatic Reaction To His "Oscar Snub" Revealed! (27 comments)

sorry. corporate LOLk vesting only covers the cost of vests ruined by spat-out tea.

 +4Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: Ryan Gosling's Dramatic Reaction To His "Oscar Snub" Revealed! (27 comments)

Crash winning for Best Picture had everything to actually say about race in America.” -Spike Delahaye

 0Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: NOW Who Should Play Stretch Armstrong In The Stretch Armstrong Movie?! (52 comments)

Honesty. Stretch Armstrong’s greatest trait. I think we have a winner, folks.

 +3Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: NOW Who Should Play Stretch Armstrong In The Stretch Armstrong Movie?! (52 comments)

Josh Hartnett. Kidding!

 +4Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: NOW Who Should Play Stretch Armstrong In The Stretch Armstrong Movie?! (52 comments)

Stephen Colbert already has essentially the same character on his resume

 +1Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: NOW Who Should Play Stretch Armstrong In The Stretch Armstrong Movie?! (52 comments)

I think some actor with a verb for a first name would be perfect for the role. Is Rip Torn too old? Oh, he’s 80 years old? Well, how about Ralph Fiennes? i’m sure all that stretching causes nausea.

 +7Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: NOW Who Should Play Stretch Armstrong In The Stretch Armstrong Movie?! (52 comments)

I think Hasbro has to ‘oven light’ that movie. To see, you know, if it is done baking. Because… it has been in there awhile? I think? I am quickly losing hope in this comment, a comment which had zero potential before I even started writing. No, what am I doing? Don’t click “Submit Comment!” You can just as easily start ov–

 +6Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: A Brief Note On The Ferris Bueller Super Bowl Commercial (90 comments)

the kind of person who grows up but still thinks that playing hooky is a true act of rebellion

 +11Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: A Brief Note On The Ferris Bueller Super Bowl Commercial (90 comments)

Oh my dear Jesus I just realized that American society has turned into Cameron’s dad

 +32Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: A Brief Note On The Ferris Bueller Super Bowl Commercial (90 comments)

If you mid-price it, does it not sedan?

 +3Posted on Jan 23rd, 2012 | re: Animatronic Baby: Not As Scary As You'd Think? (25 comments)

This isn’t terribly advanced animatronics, considering an actual human baby moves around basically in a mostly identical fashion to the tiny velociraptor hatchling in Jurassic Park, circa 1993. Does it make me a huge nerd loser by pointing that out?

 +2Posted on Jan 23rd, 2012 | re: Loser Is The New Nerd (42 comments)

we’ve always got “dolt” to fall back on.

 +4Posted on Jan 23rd, 2012 | re: Loser Is The New Nerd (42 comments)

with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead

 +18Posted on Jan 23rd, 2012 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (10 comments)

The studio’s just waiting for the production funding to come in the mail.

 +4Posted on Jan 23rd, 2012 | re: Christopher Plummer Demands Actor Dog Recognition (31 comments)

Listen, Plum. Some dogs are beginners, and some dogs are artists. Accept it and move on.

 +3Posted on Jan 23rd, 2012 | re: Christopher Plummer Demands Actor Dog Recognition (31 comments)

But I thought Marley could talk in Marley & Me. Wait, what? That was Jennifer Aniston? Woooof.


Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!

 +10Posted on Jan 23rd, 2012 | re: Christopher Plummer Demands Actor Dog Recognition (31 comments)

“Oh snap girlfriend, he know what to do with THOSE tossed salads and scrambled eggs!” -Perez Hilton probably