There’s always precisely one Weekend Update joke that makes me laugh unexpectedly hard, and this week was definitely the rise in stolen NYC manhole covers and the corresponding rise in missing unicyclists. The rest of the jokes were BLUUUGGGGHHHWWWWWHATEVERRRRR
So on that Food Truck episode of Bob’s Burgers, there was that singer with the song called ‘Oil Spill’ in which the oil spill was her vagina, a metaphor which was ‘not subtle,’ as Gene put it… and, well, that was basically that entire Rihanna song as well? Right? (GOOD STORY BRO)
“Fuck you, miss!”
Minute to Vomit: you have to eat your own vomit or guy fieri calls you ‘brother’ and eats a chili dog in your kitchen every day until death do you part
Mixed magic arts is more like it
My real honest belief is that this is does not make it any worse for them. not because its futility is unimportant. It is super important. but more because the feeling you have about how you drank donkey semen, at all, is kind of like absolute zero in the feelings of regret department. They cannot even register a slightly worse regret about this whole situation in its entirety at all
Why is Bill Murray still in makeup from his cameo in Zombieland?
If everyone started saying “no,” instead of “no, but ____________!!_________?_____(__)_____.” even snarkily, we would be much better off.
sorry. corporate LOLk vesting only covers the cost of vests ruined by spat-out tea.
“Crash winning for Best Picture had everything to actually say about race in America.” -Spike Delahaye
Honesty. Stretch Armstrong’s greatest trait. I think we have a winner, folks.
Josh Hartnett. Kidding!
I think some actor with a verb for a first name would be perfect for the role. Is Rip Torn too old? Oh, he’s 80 years old? Well, how about Ralph Fiennes? i’m sure all that stretching causes nausea.
I think Hasbro has to ‘oven light’ that movie. To see, you know, if it is done baking. Because… it has been in there awhile? I think? I am quickly losing hope in this comment, a comment which had zero potential before I even started writing. No, what am I doing? Don’t click “Submit Comment!” You can just as easily start ov–
the kind of person who grows up but still thinks that playing hooky is a true act of rebellion
Oh my dear Jesus I just realized that American society has turned into Cameron’s dad
If you mid-price it, does it not sedan?
This isn’t terribly advanced animatronics, considering an actual human baby moves around basically in a mostly identical fashion to the tiny velociraptor hatchling in Jurassic Park, circa 1993. Does it make me a huge
nerd loser by pointing that out?
we’ve always got “dolt” to fall back on.
with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead
The studio’s just waiting for the production funding to come in the mail.
Listen, Plum. Some dogs are beginners, and some dogs are artists. Accept it and move on.
But I thought Marley could talk in Marley & Me. Wait, what? That was Jennifer Aniston? Woooof.
“Oh snap girlfriend, he know what to do with THOSE tossed salads and scrambled eggs!” -Perez Hilton probably