Gabe wakes up and turns on the light. LiveJournal is in bed next to him.
“What is it?” LiveJournal asks.
Gabe says, “I just had the weirdest dream.”
I remember the first time I saw the video for “Thriller.” I was in elementary school the year it came out and my school was having a fall festival. There were games set up in the parking lot, easy games that cost a quarter a piece to play. You won tickets that could be redeemed for various prices–plastic rings and stickers.
In the second grade classroom, a room with the shades drawn and the lights out, a television and VCR were set up to screen the “Thriller” video. It cost twenty tickets to see it. I saved up all of the tickets I won all day long just so I could see it. It took a really long time because I wasn’t very good at anything and there is a chance that I was given some tickets by older children who saw me weeping.
I watched the video in that dark classroom by myself because it was late in the day and everyone else who’d wanted to see it had already done so. Our school was really old and in the winter when they turned on the heat, the pipes knocked, a sound which the teachers assured us was caused by the ghost of the woman the school was named after.
Perhaps the video for “Thriller” seems quaint and silly now, but alone in that dark room, the distant voices of classmates and parents in the hallways fading as everyone left, I was utterly terrified and completely rapt. To this day when I hear the song, even Vincent Price’s hammy monologue, I get goosebumps and remember the wonderful feeling of being young and believing in that which we cannot see.
When I left the fair to walk home and looked up and down the mostly empty streets of my little hometown, I know for certain that the world was a strange place.
A show about horrific, deathless creatures whose very existence is to experience and perpetuate endless, mind-numbing agony?
It is going to be about lawyers.
Wrong! I am a rotting corpse.
I didn’t even know fitted existed!
I see. Thank you. I was unaware that there was any kind other than “snapback.” How do you get that one kind to fit your head if you have an usually large or small noggin?
I did an AOL keyword search for “snapback” was and to be honest, I still don’t quite know what they are talking about. Is it the same things as a baseball cap?
This is why I am happy that Youtube didn’t exist when I was this age. And why I am happy that my parents didn’t have a green screen in the living room. And why I am happy I didn’t have friends or any sort of peer group.
I WASN’T TOLD I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY: A Four Hour Monologue on Various Dire Subjects (Pts I-III)
From the Wikipedia Entry for Rainer Werner Fassbinder:
The 2011 Gathering of Juggalos Infomercial (2011)
Returning to his explorations of Michigan history, Fassbinder finally realized his dream of adapting Alfred Döblin’s 1929 novel “The 2011 Gathering of Juggalos Infomercial” in 2011. A monumental TV series running more than 13 hours, with a two-hour coda released in the U.S. as a 15-hour feature, it became his crowning achievement. It was the culmination of the director’s inter-related themes of love, life, and power.
The Infomercial centers on Vanilla Ice, a former convict and minor pimp, who tries to stay out of trouble but is dragged down by crime, poverty and the duplicity of those around him. His best friend, Sugar Slam, makes him lose an arm and murders Ice’s prostitute girlfriend, Coolio. The love triangle of Ice, Slam and Coolio is staged against the rising tide of the Tea Party in Michigan. The film emphasized the sadomasochist relationship between Ice and Coolio stressing its homoerotic nature.
I am pretty sure that a female gremlin is just water.
FRUIT GUSHERS FOR ALL!
I am very excited to see a movie that might not be terrible.
STATELY, PLUMP Tracy Morgan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him by the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:
–Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I’ll tell you why: It’s because the Pope owns Long John Silver’s.
“A screaming comes across Alec Baldwin’s thigh.”
I also have a 3D movie in production based on my Internet persona. It will be 5 hours long and consist mostly of me just sitting in the mall looking at people with sorrow, disdain or a combination of the two.
The soundtrack is going to be “The Judd’s Greatest Hits.”
Once, Gabe was babysitting for this family. He’d put the two kids to sleep and was settling into watch his “227″ VHS compilation when the phone rang. He answered it and a voice said, “The show was sort of ‘Meh.’”
Gabe gasped in horror and slammed the phone down. He tried to watch his tape, but was disturbed.
After a while, the phone rang again. Tentatively, he answered it and the voice said again, “The show was ‘Meh.’”
At this point, Gabe woke the children up, because he was scared, and then called the police. The cops told him that they would trace the call the next time it happened.
Finally, after a few minutes the telephone rang again. “The show was ‘Meh.’” He hung up, soul full of terror. Then the phone rang again. It was the police.
“Get out,” they said. “The call is Lizzing from INSIDE THE HOUSE.”
I knew this kid who’s brother dated a girl who got a Coke once and was drinking it and when she got to the bottom of the bottle, she saw that there was a Lizzing inside it.
Uh oh, all of the world’s religions are in trouble!
Last night, I was driving and a truck behind me kept following me and flashing its high beams periodically. It was really making me nervous. I drove faster and faster, to get away from this truck, but every turn I took, it took, all the time flashing its high beams. Finally, I got home and jumped out of my car. The truck stopped behind my car and the driver got out and started to run at me, but rather than chase me, he opened the back door of my car. Inside was Lizzing with a knife. Every time she rose up to stab me as I drove, which I am sure she realizes now was a bad plan, the truck driver flashed his high beams.
Oh Lizzing, we clearly can’t trust you with knives.
The Videogum South party last night was out of control.
First we all at at McAlister’s and ate soup and then we walked to a coffeeshop and read for a while and then after that we took a bath, but the tub was too full and some waster spilled on the floor. Finally, at like 10:47, we all fell asleep listening to “Siamese Dream” (Amazon had it on sale for $5.00!).
I love the “bought on sale at Home Goods” American primitive style decor that his family is rocking. I can almost smell the sachets of potpourri.
I believe the blind item said “A List.” Try again.
I promise you this: She is a vegetarian.