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Lysdexia
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 +4Posted on Jan 6th, 2012 | re: Checking In With Toddlers And Tiaras (35 comments)

More like, “Checking In With My Parole Officer To Make Sure I Haven’t Been Within 500 Yards Of A Playground.”

 +8Posted on Jan 3rd, 2012 | re: The Videogum Why Don't YOU Caption It? Contest: New Year's Resolutions (54 comments)

I’m going vegetarian. Part of going vegetarian is that you never watch anything involving Ashton Kutcher ever again.

 +21Posted on Jan 3rd, 2012 | re: Omar's Comin' Yo! To Jail Yo! (Good One Yo!) (2012 Yo!) (13 comments)

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 +6Posted on Jan 3rd, 2012 | re: Everyone Just Pick Who They Want To Play Them In The Biopic (47 comments)

Come on, dude, pro wrestling? Yuck.

 +10Posted on Jan 3rd, 2012 | re: Everyone Just Pick Who They Want To Play Them In The Biopic (47 comments)

Queen Latifah.

Sure, I’m a 6’1″ 200-lb white man, but I really think you should stop being so bigoted and let it happen.

 +8Posted on Nov 23rd, 2011 | re: Please Leave Your Pro Mirror, Mirror Comments In The Comments (82 comments)

Hi, my name is Lysdexia, and I’m a hired troll. If anyone would like to hire me to be a jerk on the internet, my twitter is on my profile. LET ME KNOW

*waits for internet dollars to start rolling in*

 +2Posted on Nov 23rd, 2011 | re: Tom From MySpace Is....NOT THE FATHER! (21 comments)

“MAURY, MAURY! I BEEN CHECKIN’ HER MYSPACE TO SEE IF SHE BEEN TALKIN’ TO OTHER DUDES, AND THE ONLY MAN SHE GOT ON THERE IS TOM, SO HE GOTTA BE THE FATHER!”- That guy

Pretty sure everyone at that party got served.

 +16Posted on Nov 21st, 2011 | re: Chloe Moretz Is A Prankosaurus In Training (26 comments)

Oddly enough, this is exactly how my grandfather survived World War II. Fooling old Italians with his fake accents.

 +19Posted on Jul 7th, 2011 | re: Michelle Bachmann Prays To God To End Health Care Reform, OBVIOUSLY (82 comments)

God should end free health care as soon as Michelle Bachman comes down with something that can’t be cured and costs a lot of money to research.

 +5Posted on Jul 7th, 2011 | re: As Close As We Have Yet Come To A "Perfect" Internet Video (40 comments)

Luckily, it was my left side that went out.

 +4Posted on Jul 7th, 2011 | re: As Close As We Have Yet Come To A "Perfect" Internet Video (40 comments)

I haven’t been on here in a while, do we still call something like this “Fake and Gay”?

Should the top rated comment on this video be “Upvote if you Justin Bieber’s dick 99% of these 12 people didn’t like METALLICA ROOLZ!”

 +2Posted on Mar 1st, 2011 | re: William Morris Signs The Chilean Miners! (29 comments)

So now that Two and A Half Men is off the air, their show is going in that slot, right?

 +80Posted on Feb 28th, 2011 | re: The 2011 Academy Awards (127 comments)

I’m still waiting for his speech to include “I want to thank you like an animal.”

If you replace most of the words in the interview with “cocaine”, it makes more sense.

“Charlie, you sound like you’re on cocaine right now.”
“Nails got it right, man, I am on cocaine right now.”

“Charlie, I hear so often about how behind the scenes, you donate so much money, everyone just tells me you’re on cocaine.”

“My new tattoo? Oh yeah, man, it’s gonna be pure… cocaine.”

I should point out that I’m maybe 10 minutes into the whole thing.

 +8Posted on Feb 23rd, 2011 | re: Crazy Crazy Awesome Awesome Is Our Generation's Brokencyde (86 comments)

This video made me really dumb for about four minutes after I watched it, so all I could think of was:

MORE LIKE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE AWFUL AWFUL!!!!

 +1Posted on Feb 18th, 2011 | re: Lauretta's Nuthouse Grandfather + Lauretta's Prize Giveaway, Maybe (27 comments)

Funny enough, this phrase got yelled a lot at my family get togethers.

RIP Grandpa.

 +12Posted on Feb 17th, 2011 | re: Just A Few Timeless Love Songs (27 comments)

There’s no combination of words that makes me want to click on a video less than, “Autotune remix.”

 +2Posted on Feb 15th, 2011 | re: The Criterion Collection is coming to Hulu Plus (38 comments)

I, uh, I actually like that film.

I know it’s your right to make puns, but let’s be civil here.

 +3Posted on Feb 15th, 2011 | re: Review: Wo Zhi Nu Ren Xin (What Women Want) (54 comments)

He’s a Shanghai Knight in shining armor.

 +61Posted on Feb 15th, 2011 | re: Review: Wo Zhi Nu Ren Xin (What Women Want) (54 comments)

I feel like “What Women Want” in China is to be born…

 +8Posted on Jan 14th, 2011 | re: The First Jam Of 2011: Trevor Sayers's "New Dance In School" (31 comments)

Best Major Lazer song yet! Keep it coming, Diplo!

Wait…

 +6Posted on Jan 7th, 2011 | re: Who Is The Next Top Homeless Person?! (40 comments)

Guys, that’s not Ohio, that’s Indiana. That’s my local Fox affilliate. I’m so glad I’m getting out of Indianapolis in a couple of days.

 +5Posted on Jan 7th, 2011 | re: Life Is A Highway (46 comments)

*Something about Lil’ Kim’s “The Jump Off”*