More like, “Checking In With My Parole Officer To Make Sure I Haven’t Been Within 500 Yards Of A Playground.”

I’m going vegetarian. Part of going vegetarian is that you never watch anything involving Ashton Kutcher ever again.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

Come on, dude, pro wrestling? Yuck.

Queen Latifah.

Sure, I’m a 6’1″ 200-lb white man, but I really think you should stop being so bigoted and let it happen.

Hi, my name is Lysdexia, and I’m a hired troll. If anyone would like to hire me to be a jerk on the internet, my twitter is on my profile. LET ME KNOW

*waits for internet dollars to start rolling in*

Pretty sure everyone at that party got served.

Oddly enough, this is exactly how my grandfather survived World War II. Fooling old Italians with his fake accents.

God should end free health care as soon as Michelle Bachman comes down with something that can’t be cured and costs a lot of money to research.