TF2 post on videogum? I think I can die now.

I can’t be the only one who perks up when they hear the name Ted Stevens and then gets slightly disappointed upon realization that the news isn’t talking about Cursive.

We have lost a great man tonight.

Frank J. Lapidus…no, CAPTAIN Frank J. Lapidus was not just larger than life. He was larger than life, the universe, and everything combined. Always a giver first and a taker second, Frank Lapidus was a man of little words, but when he spoke, he was sure to bring laughter and amusement to all around him on the desolate island of Lost.

From his very first moments on the island, even the local wildlife, in the form of a cow, was transfixed by Frank’s badassery and manliness. His very beard itself was so powerful it caused the island to move in space and time after Frank left via helicopter. But the island wasn’t done with Frank. In fact, motherfucking Frank wasn’t done with the island.

Returning on his own passenger plane, Frank Lapidus did the impossible. Sully Sullenberger might have landed a plane on the Hudson, but Frank Lapidus landed a plane on a time traveling island where no man had successfully landed such a craft. Upon return, Frank’s manly aura was so powerful it ripped his shirt apart, revealing chest hair so magnificent it made Sun climax on the spot.

But Frank’s power and awe were too much for our world. In the end, it took the full force of the motherfucking ocean itself to kill Frank J. Lapidus. And Frank knew his time had come. Like Jesus, he was prepared to die for the sins of others. He took one look at that breaking door and resigned himself to the fact that his time on our mortal coil had come to a close, and took it like the god damn man he is.

In conclusion, Frank Lapidus was not lost. No, he was just found. His journey has only just begun. He’s not going to Guam, he’s going somewhere us humans cannot even comprehend. And someday, Richard Motherfucking Alpert will die and be right there to wrestle with him amongst the angels.

As Frank would say…this is the weirdest damn funeral I’ve ever been too.