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kiss the pan
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 +14Posted on Apr 14th, 2010 | re: Glee S01E14: Welcum Back, Dorkz! (45 comments)

SOFT GABE!!!!!!!!! UR BACK and your ape jokes just made me vogue in my pants with joy. That is completely nonsensical, but you get my drift.

 +68Posted on Mar 22nd, 2010 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Envy (260 comments)

Gabe, you’re a trooper for finishing this. I walked out of it within 30 minutes in the theater after paying FIVE WHOLE AMERICAN DOLLARS to see it! That money could have bought me five tacos by now! Fuck you, Envy, you taco thief of a movie.

 +7Posted on Mar 19th, 2010 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (388 comments)

It was definitely an occurrence, and things occurred during it! V for Vgum and the rest, etc.
P.S. If you and I are Old Dogs, can I be John Travolta and you be Robin Williams, or do you want to switch?

Perfect logic great job!

 +19Posted on Mar 15th, 2010 | re: Hey, You Look Great (56 comments)

Is this just a clip from Zardoz? I bet this is just a clip from Zardoz.

 +33Posted on Feb 15th, 2010 | re: Videogum Everywhere Completes Its Second Successful Mission (32 comments)

Does this mean we all get our own IMDB pages for our “Thank you” credits? I’m going to go on my own page’s message board and mock my own weight! LOK AT DAT ASS MOAR LIEK EAT THA PAN LOL!!!!

 +14Posted on Feb 9th, 2010 | re: A Videogum Poll: Who Is Secretly A Big Jerk? (162 comments)

Carrie gurl u no i luv u, u my boo. I want 2 propose 2 u in front uv every1.

WILL U B MY E-WIFE

 +17Posted on Feb 9th, 2010 | re: A Videogum Poll: Who Is Secretly A Big Jerk? (162 comments)

I am not sure I understand Ricky Gervais. He overtly acts like a jerk all the time. I haven’t seen him ever NOT act like a jerk. How is he secretly a jerk? You (you = people voting for him) don’t think he’s faking it? Is that the secret? That isn’t really a secret. Let’s define “secret”!

 +1Posted on Feb 3rd, 2010 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Doritos Is Not A Secret Ingredient (26 comments)

I’ve had quite enough of your Dorito bashing, young lady!

 +5Posted on Feb 2nd, 2010 | re: Someone Please Give Die Antwoord Whatever They Want (98 comments)

Clearly I meant “marijuana.” The magic of these next level beats distracted my spelling skills, obvz.

 +6Posted on Feb 2nd, 2010 | re: Someone Please Give Die Antwoord Whatever They Want (98 comments)

These guys are obviously the Penn brothers and the girl is a Blade Runner android. (Note: I know Chris Penn is dead but that does not change the fact that he is here, in these videos, in a marajuana headband.)

 +26Posted on Feb 2nd, 2010 | re: Everything About I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant Is Depressing (49 comments)

Actually, it is a TLC show that was spawned from a documentary special on Discovery Health Channel (different from the OG Discovery Channel). All of these stations are owned by Discovery Communications, which generally uses TLC as the dumpsite for the stuff too terrible to be on the regular Discovery Channel.
Signed,
Dr. Television III esq.

 +7Posted on Feb 2nd, 2010 | re: 2010 Academy Award Nominees, Guys (203 comments)

Michael Stuhlbarg. SHOW SOME RESPECT WHIPPERSNAPPER!!

 +5Posted on Jan 22nd, 2010 | re: A New Theme Song For Event Horizon, Finally (23 comments)

Gabe, how did you get this video? My husband decided to make this for me because I am an Event Horizon superfan. He got together with his buddies and made this video so we’d have a new video to make love to (besides Event Horizon).

 +5Posted on Jan 22nd, 2010 | re: Cyrus Looks Like An Art House Step Brothers (40 comments)

John C. Reilly always puts loads of :) s on my face. A million :) s at once, sometimes, which is really difficult to do.

 +2Posted on Jan 22nd, 2010 | re: Dear 2012, Leno To Host White House Correspondents' Dinner (43 comments)

You know about Gummi Bears, and in the end, isn’t that the only thing that matters? (A: Yes)

 +10Posted on Jan 21st, 2010 | re: You Can Make It Up: Scott Baio Has A Picture Of A Black Guy In His Wallet (48 comments)

LOL, this tweet of his is perfect: “For New followers: I POST A LOT OF JOKES WITH PICS. They are JUST that, a joke. NOT targeting anyone. Laughter IS the best medicine.”
Haha, the medicine that is helping America recover from its assholes-mocking-unfortunate-stills-of-the-First-Lady disease? Thank you, Scott Baio, for healing the wounds I didn’t even know I had. You asshole.

 +35Posted on Jan 19th, 2010 | re: Best New Party Game 14 (142 comments)

I am a young English schoolboy who has recently gotten into some trouble. Long story short, there was an accident and I am now stranded with some of my classmates with no adult supervision. There is a dark force I feel inside our camp. We think it is a beast, but we haven’t seen it yet. Is this Satan? Can he be fended off with nothing but a conch and a pig’s head? Should we be mocking our friend for his weight problems? Thank you in advance for your help.

 +27Posted on Jan 19th, 2010 | re: Best New Party Game 14 (142 comments)

I am an archaeology professor who loves to travel. Recently, I’ve come across some information that may lead me to the holy grail! I know that sounds crazy, but frankly, I believe that thing belongs in a museum. My traveling companions are my wacky Scottish father who won’t stop calling me junior and a beautiful blonde German woman whose signs are just so hard to read! Should I try to find the holy grail, how should I tell this nice lady I am only interested in her as a friend, and, most importantly, how do I tell my father I prefer to be called by my nickname? Please advise, as I am being followed.

 +10Posted on Jan 19th, 2010 | re: MacGruberTrailer (19 comments)

How dare you take advantage of the late Dave Smith, beloved righthanded closer for the Houston Astros, 1980-1990. HOW DARE YOU, SIR!!

 +10Posted on Jan 19th, 2010 | re: Free Conan O'Brien! (32 comments)

I bet the answer to that guy’s sign is “Jay Leno and NBC both farted!” Sign makers are so clever.

 +31Posted on Jan 19th, 2010 | re: Free Conan O'Brien! (32 comments)

NOW who’s burying the lede? (The lede is about farts.)

 +55Posted on Jan 18th, 2010 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: City Of Angels (114 comments)

“We fit together. We fit together because of how your penis is elongated and fits into the canal-like structure that is my female vagina. ROMANCE.”

 +10Posted on Jan 18th, 2010 | re: The Big Bang Theory Minus The Laugh-Track Is All The Same To Me (45 comments)

I definitely do not like this show the times I have watched it, but Jim Parsons is very good and I wish better for him. Maybe he’ll play an uptight nerd on a good show one day!

 +2Posted on Jan 18th, 2010 | re: Saturday Night Live: Sigourney Weaver Is Taller Than Most Women (20 comments)

I thought that sketch was very funny and weird to have in the beginning of the show. It seemed like a writer’s sketch that’s usually tucked away at the end of the show. But I liked it! More weird shit, please!