Jordan Schlansky
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 +4Posted on Aug 5th, 2013 | re: This Is Just A Goodbye Post (241 comments)

I’ve said before that the internet makes me feel weird, but also real life kinda makes me feel weird. I haven’t always had much confidence and I get super flustered and turn red when I talk to people. It’s weird. Anyways, I started reading this site on day 1 and never stopped. I posted the occasional comment and upvotes translated into me gaining confidence which made talking to people a little easier. This site has just meant a lot to me over the last five and half years. Anyways, thanks for bringing me this far, Gabe. I think Kelly can take me the rest of the way.

 0Posted on Aug 1st, 2013 | re: "Man With 132 LB Scrotum Gets TLC Show" (53 comments)

do your balls hang low do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot can they get a TV show…

 +3Posted on Aug 1st, 2013 | re: "Man With 132 LB Scrotum Gets TLC Show" (53 comments)

I hope this show wins a MTV surfboard for Ballsiest TV Show.

 +13Posted on Aug 1st, 2013 | re: "Man With 132 LB Scrotum Gets TLC Show" (53 comments)

A lot of times when I read Videogum I am reminded that Gabe is smarter than me. Today that happened when he used the word scrota.

 +7Posted on Jul 16th, 2013 | re: Bernie's Workplace Double #FAIL! (17 comments)

Why did I want so badly for there to be sound on that video? I turned my speakers all the way up just hoping to hear something. The internet makes me feel so weird sometimes.

 +4Posted on Apr 30th, 2013 | re: Best Fails of the Week 4 April 2013 (26 comments)

This gave me an idea for my own fail blog. WhaleFail.orc

 +2Posted on Jan 25th, 2013 | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (188 comments)

I live in MN too. Minneapolis to be exact. I just moved into a sweet new place downtown this week! Hope you feel better.

 +9Posted on Jan 7th, 2013 | re: BREAKING: AL ROKER POOPED HIS PANTS AT THE WHITE HOUSE (32 comments)

I wonder if Smuckers will celebrate the anniversary of the time Al Roker shit his pants at the White House.

 +5Posted on Dec 13th, 2012 | re: This Is Just A Good Picture Of A Baby (27 comments)

Is this Jeff Goldblum’s baby?

 -1Posted on Oct 16th, 2012 | re: That's Your Boyfriend: "The Illusion" (40 comments)

Oh man, it’s been too long since I sat in my office cheering for a scissors neck stab. That was fun.

 +4Posted on Oct 9th, 2012 | re: Who Would Krispy Kreme Fight? (13 comments)

I thought he introduced himself as “the kreme.” He didn’t, but he could have. He’s earned it.

 +6Posted on Sep 24th, 2012 | re: The Simple Joy Of Listening To Ice Crack On A Lake (13 comments)

It sounds like the lake just ate some Taco Bell.

 +2Posted on Jul 10th, 2012 | re: The First Annual Cat Video Film Festival (3 comments)

Monster Pizza Party beforehand at Dulono’s for all MPLS monsters.

As a fellow dude with pointy ears, you just gotta embrace it.

In the part where Gabe is firing Kelly again, I read “of all your fireable offenses” as “of all your fireball offenses.” Then I pictured Kelly shooting fireballs at Gabe in some office.

 +4Posted on Jan 25th, 2012 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (10 comments)

Wow, Miley! Don’t you know about your father’s serious heart condition?

I want to call out Danica McKellar. I mean, sure, I guess it’s cool to write books telling girls it’s okay to be smart or whatever, but yo, you used to shit all over Kevin sometimes and that was pretty fucked up.

 +7Posted on Jan 12th, 2012 | re: The 2012 People's Choice Awards (51 comments)

Teenagers make the best decisions.

 +17Posted on Jan 11th, 2012 | re: Sick Little Boy Blows Up Building And It's Awesome (22 comments)

I just wanted to say that my dog, Pizza, was hit by a car last night and didn’t make it. I’ve been very sad and this post is the first thing that made me laugh since. Thanks, Gabe.

 +5Posted on Jan 10th, 2012 | re: An Open Letter To Tina Fey Re: Bonding With The Roots (44 comments)

I misread this at first, but I got really excited because I thought it said, “bonding with robots.”

I kind of understand how advertising and publicity works or whatever, but I’ve read (THAT’S RIGHT, LADIES) that 50 is donating one meal via the UN World Food Programme for every “like” they get on facebook and also one for every bottle sold over the next five years. I mean, that seems kind of cool. But yes, this commercial is dumb and I don’t really like energy drinks because they make me feel like I might poop my pants.

 +3Posted on Oct 11th, 2011 | re: Hey, Kanye West, You're Occupying Wall Street Wrong! (106 comments)

I saw Jesse Ventura at the first day of OccupyMN. He suplexed some lippy conservative into a fountain. I couldn’t tell if he did it for attention or for the love of suplexes.

 +1Posted on Sep 29th, 2011 | re: The Free Flexor Is OUR Generation's Shake Weight (41 comments)

I’ll ice YOUR wedding cake, if you catch my drift.

 +7Posted on Sep 27th, 2011 | re: Disney World Dance-y Marriage Proposal Is I GUESS Not That Bad (54 comments)

XTube, you say???

 +4Posted on Sep 19th, 2011 | re: Aaron Sorkin Broke His Nose While Writing, OBVIOUSLY (38 comments)

Gabe, did you break your tooth eating a KNUCKLE sandwich? Do you get it?