Very cool that Salon quoted me from this post to make it seem like I actually think this video is an example of child abuse.

Can everyone please stop telling me how BUFF and ADORABLE I am???

I already rented us a party bus:

The Hof will go down in history as the second most popular thing in Germany, behind systematically murdering Jews.

Are you referring to me or Conan’s wax sculpture of Tom Cruise (R.I.P.)?

“Everytime I sneeze (fart noise), a little spritza. Like in a ketchup bottle (fart noise).”

GROSS! Whoopi Goldberg farts blood out of her pee-hole!