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 +6Posted on Jul 17th, 2013 | re: What Is Your Dream Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Wedding? (25 comments)

Brad constructs a “green” chapel using sustainable materials in New Orleans which will slowly biodegrade with the passing of time, much like his once-cherished love for Jennifer Aniston. Angelina pilots a small plane into the airspace, hands off the controls to co-pilot Morgan Freeman (who will also be walking her down the aisle), and parachutes to the altar. Jon Voight is allowed to attend but forced to be flower girl. Gwyneth Paltrow accepts her warily-extended invitation and beams throughout the ceremony and reception, her British accent waxing and waning depending on whether or not she is has introduced Jay-Z into the conversation and her proximity to actual British guests such as Gavin Rossdale. Angelina announces in her vows that her family does not drink milkshakes. Brad is high and wears sunglasses. In lieu of a band, the children put on some skits they wrote and directed themselves. Their parents smile magnanimously at their brood while assuring their guests that under no circumstances will any be allowed to pursue a career in Hollywood. Kingston Rossdale preens by Vivienne. The guests are shooed out at 10 pm so that the entire Pitt-Jolie clan can depart for Cambodia, with Morgan Freeman once again behind the controls, to watch the sunset behind their grazing elephants.

 +8Posted on Mar 4th, 2013 | re: Best New Party Game: Spring Break Movies! (85 comments)

The Bourbon Identity. The Bourbon Ultimatum. The Bourbon Supremacy. The Bourbon Legacy.

 +3Posted on Feb 28th, 2013 | re: This Video Of A Sun Flare Is Great And You Should Watch It (20 comments)

Whose job is it at NASA to add sound effects to videos of OUTER SPACE? Because I bet they cry themselves to sleep at night.

 +8Posted on Feb 20th, 2013 | re: Oh Man, SyFy's Stranded Looks Great! (36 comments)

Boring business explanation. They couldn’t trademark “SciFi.”

 +3Posted on Feb 11th, 2013 | re: House Of Cards Is So Great And Bloggers Are So Ridiculous (51 comments)

Double super agreed, especially between those two people who we are definitely all talking about. If a director is making two people pretend to have consensual sex on TV, the director should at the very least also ask one or both of those people to act like they are attracted to their co-sex-ee.

 +2Posted on Feb 11th, 2013 | re: House Of Cards Is So Great And Bloggers Are So Ridiculous (51 comments)

House of Cards is so good, y’all! Way better than I thought it would be, although it was my bad for doubting Fincher in the first place. His episodes are beautifully shot. A fun thing to do (if you are a nerd) is look for anything red in the frame during the first 2 episodes. You basically can’t find anything, because the Seat of Power is apparently cloaked in yellows and blues.
The talking to the camera is awesome when Fincher does it, because it’s actually filling in motivations that for character reasons he can’t show you. I thought it started getting mishandled in the Joel Schumacher episode when Spacey starts telling you things that he then shows you in the next scene. Also, Clare is the most interesting character! She is America’s new Don Draper, America.

 +1Posted on Oct 26th, 2012 | re: What Are Your Favorite Halloween TV Specials? (45 comments)

Respectfully disagree, I still watch it every Halloween and those ghost pirates are STILL SCARY.

 +3Posted on Oct 26th, 2012 | re: Triumph Visits The Presidential Debate (4 comments)

This post deserves a Trigger Warning for the dreadlocks and spray tan.

 +12Posted on Oct 19th, 2012 | re: What Is Your Pop Culture Halloween Costume? (78 comments)

This is basically my costume except I haven’t put all the fake blood on it yet nor purchased a hammer.

 +5Posted on Oct 19th, 2012 | re: President Barack Obama On The Daily Show (8 comments)

I watched it! Was everyone’s favorite part when Barry started calling issues “not real sexy”? It was? Okay, great.

 +2Posted on May 8th, 2012 | re: John Travolta Rests His Case (25 comments)


 +3Posted on Apr 19th, 2012 | re: How To Look Like A Puppy: A Makeup Tutorial For Us (19 comments)

I eagerly anticipate Part 2: Pooping on the Curb.

 +7Posted on Apr 10th, 2012 | re: Videogum Birthday Party! Tonight! (21 comments)

Sup pogs, I’m going! Will be literally lurking around instead of just in the comments. Like this guy, I also have a surprise, except my surprise is that I’m a lady.

 +3Posted on Mar 5th, 2012 | re: BREAKING OUIJA BOARD: THE MOVIE NEWS: The Ouija Board Movie Is Back On! (25 comments)

Proposed script revision: hip teens and tweens played by 30-year-olds use the Ouija board to ask ghosts why commenting is closed on the Amber Tamblyn prank post, because inquiring minds want to inquire that.

If they edited Harry Potter with a Ouija board scenes into The Woman in Black and released it as this movie, I would go see it opening weekend.

 +5Posted on Mar 2nd, 2012 | re: Obama Clinches Re-Election With Omar Little Name Drop (52 comments)

Very confusing news. I thought Obama’s position on Omar was still “evolving.”

 +5Posted on Feb 3rd, 2012 | re: 42 Saint Bernards (34 comments)

Most people didn’t think Animal Planet could pull off a sequel to the Thomas Crown Affair, and still fewer suspected it would trump the original.

 +3Posted on Jan 17th, 2012 | re: "Donkey Punch" Is OUR Generation's "Self Potato" (48 comments)

Yeah, and he realized how ridiculous it was, too — look on his face was priceless. I yelled “kangaroo punch” at the TV, not because that is a thing, but don’t kangaroos box? And do people really punch rabbits in the neck? So much googling to do.

 +7Posted on Jan 17th, 2012 | re: "Donkey Punch" Is OUR Generation's "Self Potato" (48 comments)

I can’t thumbs up this conversation hard enough. And thanks for keeping my diet on-track with the mental image of Hot Pockets Lasagna. “No thanks” – Garfield.

 0Posted on Jan 9th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Charles Barkley And Kelly Clarkson (25 comments)

 +2Posted on Jan 9th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Charles Barkley And Kelly Clarkson (25 comments)

Oh man, what a great ad. But the costume’s like an old famous painting. Personally, I think no one does it better than the guy from Peter Pan’s Home Page!

 +1Posted on Dec 23rd, 2011 | re: What Are Your Favorite Holiday TV Specials? (74 comments)

Yes! But so sad. Also like The Christmas Toy, with Rugby Tiger and Mew, who was just a cat toy. Henson Christmas specials are amazingly depressing!

 +4Posted on Dec 8th, 2011 | re: American Psycho Is FINALLY Getting The Remake It Deserves (35 comments)


 +2Posted on Oct 26th, 2011 | re: Who Should Play Axel Foley's Son In The Beverly Hills Cop TV Show? (38 comments)


 +1Posted on Oct 11th, 2011 | re: Hey Ladies, Are You Ready For Another Pride & Prejudice Movie?! (47 comments)

Sigh. I will go see this, thus ending my streak of Never Giving Nora Ephron My Money.

 +7Posted on Oct 11th, 2011 | re: Hey, Kanye West, You're Occupying Wall Street Wrong! (106 comments)

Thumbs-upping your comments takes up so much of my workday.