Intravenus de Milo
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 +34Posted on Feb 7th, 2014 | re: Heaven Just Got A Little More Videogum (278 comments)

I just can’t quite believe this is really happening. I guess the Internet isn’t forever.

I saved a few html’s of the Worst Movie of All Time, plus a couple of other highlights. It was all I could do. Tell them I did everything I could!

Nearer My Blog to Thee.

 +14Posted on Feb 7th, 2014 | re: Taking One For The Team: Glenn Beck's The Overton Window (7 comments)

“The Overton Window is like if a Jason Bourne book was re-written for kids, and then that kid’s book had sex with a ‘9-11 was an Inside Job’ message board.”

What other blog is going to deliver me REAL-TALK LITERARY ANALYSIS like this??

Misted Yellow sounds like a good title for all those videos of people peeing outside during the Polar Vortex

 +4Posted on Feb 7th, 2014 | re: Movies For Dudes: Unstoppable (19 comments)

Nearer my blog to thee

 +12Posted on Feb 4th, 2014 | re: Hey Guys, We Have To Talk To You About Something (353 comments)

So has shone a good blog in a weary world.

Love all around, Monsters.

 +7Posted on Nov 27th, 2013 | re: How Was Everyone's Break Today? (119 comments)

I, for one, plan on having pumpkin pie with like 5 or 6 meals while I’m home b/c pecan sucks, duh, plus there’s a pecan shortage DID YOU KNOW?

 +7Posted on Aug 5th, 2013 | re: This Is Just A Goodbye Post (241 comments)

Poor Gabe, his eyes downcast forlornly, forever gazing upon the Lady Dick.

 +1Posted on Jul 29th, 2013 | re: Life Can Throw Us All Some Pretty Funny Curveballs, Even Danica McKellar (30 comments)

That’s only because he & Tomas Berdych had that bet over who could get the most unexpected clothing sponsor for a professional athlete.

Bill Nye conclusively demonstrates that inertia is a property of both matter and derivatively lazy Hollywood movie studios.

We need waaaay more upvotes for the way you ouro’d that boros. A+++ would read comments again

 +8Posted on Apr 24th, 2013 | re: You Can Just Do Whatever You Want (65 comments)

I had a dream it would end this way.

 +25Posted on Oct 24th, 2012 | re: Finally, You, Too, Can Eat Garbage Food Like A Troll (48 comments)

What a coincidence, I own an exterminator company called Shaggy 2 NOPE

 +4Posted on Oct 24th, 2012 | re: Finally, You, Too, Can Eat Garbage Food Like A Troll (48 comments)

Donna! Darko!

 +17Posted on Oct 24th, 2012 | re: Finally, You, Too, Can Eat Garbage Food Like A Troll (48 comments)

The Onion Rings to rule them all.

 +4Posted on Oct 17th, 2012 | re: The Second Presidential Debate Of 2012 Open Thread (115 comments)

“O my stars! The tempers flare so righteously between these gentlemen! If only… they could… stop… arguing…”
:: faints dead away ::

 +1Posted on Jul 26th, 2012 | re: Benedict Cumberbatch Was Nice To Someone! (60 comments)

I was just thinking the same thing! That *has* to be what she’s referring to. They’re from the ELCA, the awesome lutherans. And I think their youth gathering is every three years, so you have some time to breath now…

 0Posted on Jul 26th, 2012 | re: Benedict Cumberbatch Was Nice To Someone! (60 comments)

I met Alex Trebek when I was young and foolish, although we only exchanged words when the cameras were rolling. Looking back, I think he was only in it for the money. (In all fairness, so was I.)

 +1Posted on Jun 19th, 2012 | re: Well, Woody Allen's Son's Tweet Is A Bummer (33 comments)

I believe we’ve found the real winner of this thread.

 +8Posted on May 18th, 2012 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (47 comments)

But stay north of 31st street if at all possible… not because the South Side is inherently bad but because otherwise my brilliant plan to stay holed up in Hyde Park will be foiled.

(Although it would all come crashing down anyway if Obama decides to stop by his house for any reason… let’s hope he brought enough toothpaste and sunscreen from the White House.)

 +11Posted on May 8th, 2012 | re: Heaven Just Got A Little More Maurice Sendak (22 comments)

Heaven just got a little moreice Sendak.

(Sorry, I’m in the nonsensical gibberish phase of my grieving process.)

(Seriously though, this man’s imagination is such an indelible part of me that I hear his name and I’m instantly transported back to my elementary school library… one room, sunny but a little musty still, the goofy librarian who most kids don’t like but I don’t mind… I remember the exact spot on the shelves where the SED-to-SEL section was located… it takes first-grade me some effort to reach up to where the SEN books are, but it’s totally worth it. The librarian is like “again with this?” but I can tell she secretly approves. And I just read and imagine, read and imagine…)

 +1Posted on May 1st, 2012 | re: Let's Make Up Some Equally Stupid New MTV Movie Awards Categories (78 comments)

Is it weird that I totally remember this being a category in 1999? I mean, obviously it was a total joke, but I definitely remember Deep Impact being nominated for one of Morgan Freeman’s pauses. And Lisa Kudrow presented the award, but never announced a winner because OBVIOUSLY.

OK, back to grad school!

 +29Posted on Feb 27th, 2012 | re: The 2012 Academy Awards (101 comments)

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner for Best Adapted Deanplay!

 +4Posted on Feb 10th, 2012 | re: Rick Santorum Is An Incredible Asshole, Feb. 10 Edition (58 comments)

For previous editions of “Rick Santorum Is An Incredible Asshole,” please see: any news article in which Rick Santorum attempts to articulate a policy position.

 +6Posted on Feb 8th, 2012 | re: The Rock Will Be President Someday, Says The Rock (45 comments)

The slope from Barack to The Rock is mighty slippery, my marsupially-inclined friend.

Also, something something if Rocko can’t even win an election for dogcatcher, etc.:

 +33Posted on Feb 8th, 2012 | re: Ellen Scores A Point For Gay Rights AND JC Penny's Brand Image (72 comments)

Purrrrrrfect…. I shall send them gifs! Gifs of their daughters’ favorite pop icon kissing the voice of their daughters’ & sons’ favorite animated fish.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, &c.