You wanted to know what happens after irony? This is it. This is post-irony. It isn’t sincerity, not quite. It’s not so naive. It’s not so easy. It’s painful, and it’s not an enviable position to be in.

But today it is almost sort of a necessary posture to adopt, or else if you’re thoughtful at all, if you’re cognizant of all the terrible shit that’s going on in the world and your utter inability to do anything about it besides lamely attempt to cope and make people laugh, the only recourse is suicide. No, I’m not calling you lame, but I’m sure we all understand that basically any one person’s response to this world is by definition lame, pathetic, incapable of effecting change on a meaningful level except maybe to the people in your immediate life.

Gabe, you don’t know shit about any of us and we don’t know anything about you, but reading Videogum is one of the highlights (read: sole activities) of my boring-ass workday. And even when you’re being so 200% snarky, it helps me assume I have a handle on at least one? granted, pathetic?aspect of this existence. So if the price for us readers is having to carry you across a beach when you can no longer walk, I’m pretty sure everyone here would volunteer.

Not only does this scream fake, like you said – the voiceover narration is completely unnerving and way too close to the mic. It feels like the narrator is lying on his back in your ear canal, trench coat spread open beneath him, playing with himself while he mumbles ‘Gooby’.

Or, I don’t know, maybe that’s just me.

Okay, having read this interview in full I can say that this does nothing to dispel my personal conception of Tommy Wiseau as either (A) a confused but well-meaning crash-landed alien or (B) a confused but well-meaning Frankenstein monster who only recently thawed and began filming movies with great passion. Or the less-charitable but undeniable possibility that (C) he is actually a little bit retarded.

But I like to believe (A)

You are tearing me apart, Lindsay.

I’m really happy they found this kid. Can you imagine how terrible we’d all feel if he did all this stuff, his family found all these clues, and they all led to his dead body? Jesus. That’s a sad short story right there. Not to get too serious on y’all, but. Just saying.

I feel like I need to add that this is one of the best reviews ever. The scorn, it is so casual, but so zesty as well.

Someone here is going to make a comment about black people and dancing, but it sure as hell isn’t going to be me.

Here’s how I imagine this scene unfolding:

BALLBOT takes Optimus Prime’s gigantic sunglasses, crushes them in his hands.

OPTIMUS: “Those were 5 Million Dollar Sunglasses, Asshole”

OPTIMUS kicks BALLBOT in the BALLS