Find Me On:
No naps! You do not get rewarded for failing in your blog comments!
You know who’s probably overpaid? The guy who gets paid to compile a list of the most overpaid actors. Also, whoever comes up with the names for paint samples.
I was all set to post Gene Wilder as a runner up, but I got sucked into a Wikipedia rabbit hole that ended up leading me to the article for Achibald Hall, the murderous butler and by far the best random Wikipedia article I’ve stumbled across. What a charming cad that man was! He killed bad people, too!
I didn’t know man-hating feminists were even allowed to have dream weddings!
I’ll bet you $1 that nurture is actually the worst.
Poor Tila Tequila. Remember when juggalos threw poo at her, and still her life somehow only got worse from there?
A dozen hosannas to the writer of that article for using his thesaurus, but minus one million hosannas for implying that there is, or has ever been, any correlation between critical and commercial success.
Who’s working on the pumpkin head dance mashup?
Pants are the worst things ever invented. 100% chance my pants are off within 5 minutes of me getting home from work.
I spent my whole life worrying about premature baldness. It runs in the family. Then one day BAM! I find a grey hair. Didn’t even see it coming.
A) It’s still slightly less awful than the Wedding Crashers approach, where the guy lies to bang a girl and then she rapes him and they live happily ever after.
B) Online dating is SO MUCH FUN YOU GUYS. I mean, I’ve never tried it, but I’ve been helping a friend with his, and oh goodness am I having fun with it. I can be extra picky because I’m not the one trying to find happiness or whatever, so I basically just go through and nitpick at all of the little details. I disqualified one girl for using the word “literally” wrong, and another for putting Grey’s Anatomy on her list of favorite television shows. It’s a blast!
Last weekend I partied with a guy who acts as the mascot for a professional sports team! He was a cool dude, but I think that is the ULTIMATE dead end job. Where do you go from there?!
It’s been good for my staff, though. Since we work Sunday-Thursday, we only got 1 day off for Thanksgiving when everybody else got two. We could have taken a 2nd day off, but instead I finagled holiday pay for them on a day that they didn’t even have to work, so just basically an extra day of pay on their paycheck. I also demanded that we be changed to work New Years Day instead of New Years Eve. We’re 2nd shift, and now instead of getting regular pay to work until almost midnight on New Years Eve, they get to come in with hangovers the next day and get holiday pay instead.
It really depends on the kind of real job that you have. I used to greatly enjoy holidays, but this year is basically the first time that I’ve had a job where the work I have to do doesn’t reset at the end of every day. So holidays don’t mean that there’s less for me to do, just that I have less time in which to do it. I DID get to eat a lot of turkey, though, so there’s that at least.
There are worse gifts than drum kits. My brother got Facetaquito some of them, just to be a dick. There’s is a keyboard that looks like a cat and meows like a cat. And it is awful. There’s also a set of balls that you can get, but they’re not just ANY balls! They’re texture balls! They’re all lumpy and oddly-shaped! Do you know what happens when you throw an irregularly-shaped ball? It will go fucking ANYWHERE THAT IT WANTS TO.
Alternate idea: make a blanket out of actual waffles.
I recently started marathoning Arrow on my own, and Leverage with the wife. Homeless Randy suggested Arrow, and someone I can’t remember and who probably isn’t important anyway suggested Leverage. They’re both fun for different reasons!
Or you could just WOMAN UP and stop letting a MAN tell you when you can or cannot visit your parents! Grow a pair! A pair of ovaries!
A pillow that looks like bacon:
DON’T GIVE IT TO KELLY! Use it, Kate! Spoil yourself! Amazon has basically everything! I offer up the following suggestions: