Find Me On:
I do that with my friend Homeless Randy, except with Mad Men. And we are always drunk when we do it.
P.S. Since I am CLEARLY willing to do absolutely anything that is not one of the million things I have to do by Sunday, I’ve managed to drag myself into the furthest depths of the internet, and I cannot NOT share this with all of you:
I call dibs on being your Marla Singer!
Hey! You guys are clever! I need a suggestion for a way to prepare my Christmas ham! I usually use a brown sugar & lime glaze, but I’m thinking of switching things up this year. Any suggestions?
Have you considered robbing a Subway?
That last sentence is also pretty gross.
No!!! It is some black magic voodoo bullshit! If your job consists entirely of turning money into more money, then you are a goddamn wizard and should be burned at the stake. Did you know that coporate raiders can conduct a hostile takeover of a firm by buying out all of the stock? But if the executives don’t want to be taken over, they can buy the stock BACK for more than the raiders paid for it? And the end result is that the raiders basically make millions of dollars to not take over a company AND THIS IS A JOB THAT IS REAL AND LEGAL.
Sadly, though, my paper cannot simply be a rant about what a terrible subject corporate finance is. I have to compare 5 years of financial data for Southwest and Delta, which is ALMOST AS GOOD.
I would have said Maary Louise Parker, because I have many questions about her adult onset Benjamin Button Disease, and also I’m kind of hoping it’s contagious.
I still have one due on Sunday. It’s a big’un, too, since I know absolutely not one damn thing about corporate finance. I feel your pain.
Really? Because it’s 261 degrees Kelvin here!
I hope the flirting and the letter-writing weren’t related.
My day has been alright! Earlier this week my wife’s crazy Aunt sent us a book about gnomes for Christmas, which I’m still enjoying very much.
I’m not talking about a childrens’ book featuring whimsical gnomes. This is just straight up a textbook about gnomes, basically. It has every detail about gnomes you could possibly hope to never learn. And there are illustrations. And they do show gnome boobies. It is perfect.
Checking in on fantasy sports: I made it to the playoffs in the league that counts, and I have a decent chance of winning the whole thing. Chris Trash made it to the playoffs in the league that doesn’t count, and who cares about his chances because it doesn’t count.
No naps! You do not get rewarded for failing in your blog comments!
You know who’s probably overpaid? The guy who gets paid to compile a list of the most overpaid actors. Also, whoever comes up with the names for paint samples.
I was all set to post Gene Wilder as a runner up, but I got sucked into a Wikipedia rabbit hole that ended up leading me to the article for Achibald Hall, the murderous butler and by far the best random Wikipedia article I’ve stumbled across. What a charming cad that man was! He killed bad people, too!
I didn’t know man-hating feminists were even allowed to have dream weddings!
I’ll bet you $1 that nurture is actually the worst.
Poor Tila Tequila. Remember when juggalos threw poo at her, and still her life somehow only got worse from there?
A dozen hosannas to the writer of that article for using his thesaurus, but minus one million hosannas for implying that there is, or has ever been, any correlation between critical and commercial success.
Who’s working on the pumpkin head dance mashup?
Pants are the worst things ever invented. 100% chance my pants are off within 5 minutes of me getting home from work.
I spent my whole life worrying about premature baldness. It runs in the family. Then one day BAM! I find a grey hair. Didn’t even see it coming.
A) It’s still slightly less awful than the Wedding Crashers approach, where the guy lies to bang a girl and then she rapes him and they live happily ever after.
B) Online dating is SO MUCH FUN YOU GUYS. I mean, I’ve never tried it, but I’ve been helping a friend with his, and oh goodness am I having fun with it. I can be extra picky because I’m not the one trying to find happiness or whatever, so I basically just go through and nitpick at all of the little details. I disqualified one girl for using the word “literally” wrong, and another for putting Grey’s Anatomy on her list of favorite television shows. It’s a blast!