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 0Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Ask Dr. Birdie: The Doctor Is In (42 comments)

Fear of mange keeps me up at night. Can you help me, Doc?

 +2Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Dan Humphrey IS Jeff Buckley (17 comments)

I followed the link and had all the cones in my retinas blown out by the color pink.

 0Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: "Swingsetting" In Los Angeles (41 comments)

Public swings? For adults and everybody!?! In really inaccessible areas!? Nevermind.

 -1Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Seeing How The Urkel Sausage Is Made (14 comments)

One time I thrill-killed a drifter and was collared for it, but then I was all like “Did I do that?” and we all laughed. Then I ran.

 +3Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Would You Like To Be A Videogum Intern? (25 comments)

Thanks, but I’m looking for some street credit.

 +1Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Fastest Man With A Gun Who Ever Lived (36 comments)

I’d like to shoot him in the back! Get it? Do you get it? It’s a joke! LOL

I want to kill somebody who is different than me! Get it? Do you get it? It’s a joke! LOL

 -1Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Celeb Feet (16 comments)

Now I know how Peter Dinklage feels.

 0Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Well, Kelsey Grammer's New Show Looks Terrible (24 comments)

Next time on Boss: Boss has to stay late at the office.

 0Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: This Is Just A Good 911 Emergency (17 comments)

How are they going to get the President to Heaven to take care of this? Air Force One? I’m pretty sure it can’t fly there.

Not pictured: Your miserable fucking life.

 +1Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Tobey Maguire For Prada, Obviously (42 comments)

Wearing sweaters is much cooler than pretending to be a superhero. Good career move.

 0Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Get Well Soon, Sean Bean! (45 comments)

When you steal the Goldeneye satellite, you’re bound to make some enemies.

 +1Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Baby Is Terrible At Playing Harmonica (29 comments)

I can’t believe that baby is so cool with sharing Dad germs.

 0Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: The Fourth Summer Jam Of 2011: Toasters N' Moose's "Taste The Biscuit" (41 comments)

Flight of the Toasters N’ Moose.

 0Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Ketchup Moving Machine Has Finally Been Invented (21 comments)

I’m glad Billy Mays isn’t alive to see this.

 +2Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: BREAKING TRAMPOLINE ACCIDENT NEWS: PLAYBOY SUED (18 comments)

And thus a Chuck Palahniuk premise is born.

 0Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Today We Are All This Lion (24 comments)

I don’t know, without the safety glass, I think my money’s on Trent. Something about a striped hood inspires confidence.

 0Posted on Jun 15th, 2011 | re: Tracy Morgan Appears To Be Making Pretty Decent Amends Actually (46 comments)

To fuck up badly is human, to make a PSA, divine.

 +3Posted on Jun 14th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Nell (106 comments)

But after watching Nell, you never need be bored again. Waiting in line at a Starbuck’s? Bust out a Nell and start examining the tumblers in wonder and gibberish.

 +4Posted on Jun 14th, 2011 | re: An Open Letter To Tom Cruise's "Sunday" Outfit (35 comments)

“Katie, they’ve spotted us! Quick, get Suri in the car!”
“But Tom, you said the magic hat would…”
“The magic hat only works if you believe in it, Katie! And look what your doubt has done to us now!”

 +1Posted on Jun 14th, 2011 | re: That's Your Hot Dog: The Happy Hot Dog Man (29 comments)

Also, the bonus Ketchup Kritter is clearly more of a Ketchup Kreature, especially when paired with a Mustard Monster.

 0Posted on Jun 14th, 2011 | re: Ferris Bueller's Squeecond Day Off (16 comments)

“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off From Being Married to a Horse Face” by Seth “Flintstones” McFarlane

 +2Posted on Jun 14th, 2011 | re: How To: Microwave Your Food (31 comments)

I’m put off by all the warming up coffee in a microwave talk. That is the worst coffee. That is desperation coffee. Microwaved coffee is I’m addicted to coffee coffee.

 0Posted on Jun 13th, 2011 | re: A The Room Tell-All Is Coming Soon (13 comments)

“Slated for an early 2013 release? I best slow my roll!” – The Impending Mayan-Predicted Apocalypse