Fear of mange keeps me up at night. Can you help me, Doc?
I followed the link and had all the cones in my retinas blown out by the color pink.
Public swings? For adults and everybody!?! In really inaccessible areas!? Nevermind.
One time I thrill-killed a drifter and was collared for it, but then I was all like “Did I do that?” and we all laughed. Then I ran.
Thanks, but I’m looking for some street credit.
I’d like to shoot him in the back! Get it? Do you get it? It’s a joke! LOL
I want to kill somebody who is different than me! Get it? Do you get it? It’s a joke! LOL
Now I know how Peter Dinklage feels.
Next time on Boss: Boss has to stay late at the office.
How are they going to get the President to Heaven to take care of this? Air Force One? I’m pretty sure it can’t fly there.
Not pictured: Your miserable fucking life.
Wearing sweaters is much cooler than pretending to be a superhero. Good career move.
When you steal the Goldeneye satellite, you’re bound to make some enemies.
I can’t believe that baby is so cool with sharing Dad germs.
Flight of the Toasters N’ Moose.
I’m glad Billy Mays isn’t alive to see this.
And thus a Chuck Palahniuk premise is born.
I don’t know, without the safety glass, I think my money’s on Trent. Something about a striped hood inspires confidence.
To fuck up badly is human, to make a PSA, divine.
But after watching Nell, you never need be bored again. Waiting in line at a Starbuck’s? Bust out a Nell and start examining the tumblers in wonder and gibberish.
“Katie, they’ve spotted us! Quick, get Suri in the car!”
“But Tom, you said the magic hat would…”
“The magic hat only works if you believe in it, Katie! And look what your doubt has done to us now!”
Also, the bonus Ketchup Kritter is clearly more of a Ketchup Kreature, especially when paired with a Mustard Monster.
“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off From Being Married to a Horse Face” by Seth “Flintstones” McFarlane
I’m put off by all the warming up coffee in a microwave talk. That is the worst coffee. That is desperation coffee. Microwaved coffee is I’m addicted to coffee coffee.
“Slated for an early 2013 release? I best slow my roll!” – The Impending Mayan-Predicted Apocalypse