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Boris Gruschenko
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 0Posted on Dec 4th, 2013 | re: No One Wants To Have A Pillow Fight With You On The Street (16 comments)

which creepy guy? there are so many of them in btv. have we had this conversation before? now i’m so curious!!

 +7Posted on Aug 23rd, 2013 | re: Congratulations To Ben Affleck, Our New Mr. Batman! (102 comments)

i never realized how badly i need more voyage of the mimi references in my life. that shit is where i learned about phantom pains! remember that girl and her amputated leg?? and then in 6th grade the mimi came and docked in my town and all us girls were going BUCKWILD trying to sit on ben affleck’s bunk. (which is sexy, nautical slang for “bed”).

 +8Posted on May 23rd, 2013 | re: How To Succeed With Brunettes (53 comments)

i am a brunette lady (FELLAS) whose father taught her to judge people based on their handshake. consequently my handshakes do NOT fuck around, and i often surprise men with my powerful, respect-demanding hand.

there is nothing worse than shaking hands with a man who gives you the little limp fish handshake because he thinks that women can’t handle the power of a firm grip. go for it, men, we can take it.

 +19Posted on May 3rd, 2013 | re: What Is Your Most Embarrassing Celebrity Dream? (40 comments)

i feel like i’ve been waiting my whole life to tell this tale. thanks so much for the outlet, kelly, you are a true jennifer lawrence.

when i was 9 i had a dream that i met sinbad in a park and we were on the jungle gym together and i took his picture because i knew that nobody would ever believe that i was hanging out with sinbad. and when i woke up in the morning i was SO depressed that it never happened and i had no photographic evidence of hanging out with sinbad, and i probably still haven’t gotten over that disappointment, and i strongly believe it’s shaped me into the person i am today. and i never told anybody about it, because, really, my subconscious? is sinbad the BEST you could drum up?? especially at the height of hanson-mania?? come on.

 +17Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: You Can Just Do Whatever You Want (65 comments)

I work for the symphony in vermont and i have to admit i really kind of love it when somebody shows up in flannel, jeans, and boots (and, this being vermont, that happens frequently.) usually everybody is dressed pretty upscale to our concerts, but it’s the best when there’s some lady all decked out in her fanciest diamonds and her floor length mink, sitting right next to some guy who looks and smells like he literally just climbed off his tractor. WE’RE ALL JUST PEOPLE TRYING TO GET ALONG IN THIS CRAZY WORLD, AND ALSO MAYBE LISTEN TO SOME ELGAR AFTER A LONG DAY OF PLOWING WHEAT or whatever.

 +4Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 | re: Reason Not To Be Famous #889: Oh, Reese Edition (41 comments)

geeze, i guess i’m really getting the most out of “of whom you speak” in my interactions today.

 +2Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 | re: Reason Not To Be Famous #889: Oh, Reese Edition (41 comments)

i know exactly the person of whom you speak and he used to be a borders regular and would just buy coffee and scowl at people. charming gent.

 +3Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 | re: Reason Not To Be Famous #889: Oh, Reese Edition (41 comments)

as a fellow burlingtonion/worker-bee on church street, i am sooooo curious to know the identity of the troll of whom you speak. a description is required immediately, please.

 +15Posted on Apr 12th, 2013 | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (159 comments)

I am currently having my own neighbor feud (they have so much loud sex, all of the sex, all of the noises, all of the time), and this morning my weapon of choice was playing the original soundtrack to Annie (pro tip: all of the songs can be easily found on YouTube or Spotify) at top volume through the wall. Nothing will temper boundless sexual energy like the shrill singing voices of children, and I’m assuming this will also work on weeknight parties. Go forth and conquer!

 +2Posted on Feb 1st, 2013 | re: If It Was Not Friday, I Would Recommend We Give Up (65 comments)

oh my co-worker has told me great thinks about sukhothai but ain’t nobody got time to go to essex when tiny thai is mere yards away from my apartment.

 +3Posted on Feb 1st, 2013 | re: If It Was Not Friday, I Would Recommend We Give Up (65 comments)

which one? was it tiny thai i love tiny thai so much love is forever fan i love you

 +8Posted on Oct 29th, 2012 | re: Anything Going On Today, Guys? (120 comments)

My heroic efforts to mobilize my co-workers to go home early (in the face of the blue skies and calm winds that Vermont is currently experiencing) failed. I will be going home at 5:00, as usual. Pray for me.

 +9Posted on Oct 29th, 2012 | re: A Man Dancing, To Ease The Fear (30 comments)

are you in the burlington area? we probably won’t be hit until after 4 or 5, but i’m spreading misinformation around the office in an effort to go home an hour early. that would be the sweetest triumph of all. i’ll keep you updated.

 +13Posted on Oct 22nd, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Bruno Mars (And Tom Hanks) (29 comments)

i was wondering that, myself! i almost googled “sidney applebaum” to see if it could’ve been a reference to anything else, but i didn’t care enough. but i DID care enough to post this meaningless comment, so who even knows anymore. mondays, am i right?

 0Posted on May 11th, 2012 | re: That's Your Hate-Filled Nonsense Garbage Ranting Girlfriend (93 comments)

ps- i hope you are out and enjoying the fantastic weather today. i work on church st and it is BUMPIN’.

 +2Posted on May 11th, 2012 | re: That's Your Hate-Filled Nonsense Garbage Ranting Girlfriend (93 comments)

who on earth is your landlord? i’ve had a few during my time here in burlington, and none of them every made me ice cream. one of the pervier ones used to just come in our house unannounced to “check the windows” during summer months, but that’s not even remotely close to bacon and whiskey. what’s your secret???? #vermonstersunite!

 +22Posted on Apr 27th, 2012 | re: Thursday Night TV Open Thread (106 comments)

buddy garrity + heapin’ dose of hamm + zou bisou bisou + roadhouse x perd hapley = a pretty great thursday night.

 +27Posted on Apr 26th, 2012 | re: Tips For Solo Dining (72 comments)

other perks of going to the movies alone: you might get offered a doobie by some random dude, and then later you can give him a handjob.

 +14Posted on Apr 26th, 2012 | re: Tips For Solo Dining (72 comments)

@Kate Schmidt young padawan, the secret is laying it flat next to your plate, and using your cell-phone to keep those pesky pages in check.

 +42Posted on Apr 26th, 2012 | re: Tips For Solo Dining (72 comments)

high-five for anti-social eaters!

there is no better dining experience than sitting solo in a mexican restaurant eating tacos and drinking beer while reading your way through the “song of ice and fire” series. “Salsa is Coming,” amiright?

 +3Posted on Jan 26th, 2012 | re: Host Of Wheel Of Fortune ISN'T A Job You Have To Do Sober? (56 comments)

if you ever went to the borders on church street, you already know the answer to this question. we were drunk/stoned every single day. hurrah!

 +6Posted on Jan 13th, 2012 | re: Friday Giveaway: John Mulaney's New In Town (50 comments)

NOOOOOOO

 +1Posted on Jan 13th, 2012 | re: Friday Giveaway: John Mulaney's New In Town (50 comments)

Woof. Neglecting to follow the rules is cool, too. Trying this one again.

“Shit, Where Did I Put My Glasses? Can Somebody Help Me Out? No, Seriously, I Can’t See Without Those Things.”

 +2Posted on Jan 13th, 2012 | re: Friday Giveaway: John Mulaney's New In Town (50 comments)

“Shit, Where Did I Put My Glasses? Can Somebody Help Me Out? No, Seriously, I Can’t See Without Those Things.”

 +5Posted on Dec 21st, 2011 | re: Best New Party Game 61: Passive-Aggressive Movie Titles (145 comments)

much better.