This is when the argument “Nothing is out of bounds for comedy, even rape jokes. So I’m going to make a rape joke.” meets the “Ok fine, you can make a rape joke, and then we will make sure every potential future employer knows about your rape jokes.” counter-argument.

TPC: Very Funny

I think I was somewhere in the middle of “picked on” and full-blown bullied, because there were definitely kids that had it worse than me, but I learned a kind of social anonymity skill-set that kept me out of the cross hairs. Like if Liam Neeson’s character in Taken was based on me, it would have gone something like this:

I know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for lunch money, I can tell you in certain vague terms that I may or may not have any. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long 5-7th grade stretch. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you, or at least a cloudy, unsatisfying memory in your sphere of social hate. If you let my shirt collar go now and stop trying to push my pelvis into the urinal that I’m standing at, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will avoid you to such an extent that it’ll be like this never happened and like I don’t exist, and you’ll forget my face and name and I won’t be a war story for you and your illiterate friends to guffaw about in front of your soon-to-be ex girlfriends at Murphy’s down the road in 10 years.

Uh, if they are picking cords for people depending on their weight, especially healthy looking young women, they should really just get one big cord for everyone under 250 pounds. And if you weigh 251 pounds, keep the dream alive for a few months and trim up. And then don’t bungee jump.

I’m gonna watch the BBC 6 part mini-series production of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy with a friend and like 4 bottles of wine. Uhh. Finish The Leopard by Jo Nesbo even though I don’t really want to and only got it because I was traveling for a day. Oh, and Wall*E.

I’m sure there’s a non-numerical book code involved with the list that once cracked, the reader finds the message “SEND HELP PLS PLS PLS KH”

This place is about a minute away from my house. I should go take pictures of it so you can see how weird of a location it’s in.

I love the tweet about the verse from the Gospel of John and then the tweet about something-something whipping her thighs something-something-tingly. “The combination made my eyes bleed.”