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Krakatoa Is Watching, Silently
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No.
You are responsible for this humiliation, kreigle37! Curse you! Curse you to heck!
I’m gonna go ahead and tempt fate and say “Success at last!” without even knowing for sure that this is gonna work. Cuz I gotta have faith, I gotta have faiiith, because I gotta have faith, I gotta have faithuh, faithuh, faithaah! BABY!
I find this clip and these people, within the context of the show, deeply disturbing.
Wow, that was cool. The sense of fun was contagious. Also, I LOVE THAT SONG! Probably my favourite album of the last five years.
Imagine a jpeg of the Peanut Brittle Fields of Dover right here. And wonder at their strange, canned majesty.
“They’re so canned!”
“I know, right? God is among us.”
What does your hairstyle say about the existence or non-existence of God on a day-to-day basis? Include citations please.
I liked it.
Then, with a shudder, Pinto Pete woke up in a library bathroom. It had all just been a dream.
Except for the scientists. The scientists were still there, as always, taking notes. All crowded into the opposite stall at the moment.
“Hey Neutron Bob,” said Pinto Pete. He was always super suave with the scientists. They always knew what he was gonna say before he said it – it was part of their projections, they’d foreseen it in their graphs – so there was no pressure. Whatever he said, it was the Right Thing To Say.
“How’s it hangin?” asked Neutron Bob with the sly smile of someone who knows what’s coming next but can’t WAIT to hear it.
“Long, loose and fully juiced,” said Pinto Pete. “But now I have to take a piss. Avert your eyes, gentlemen. And ladies.”
“Ha ha ha,” the scientists said, and applauded, but of course they didn’t avert their eyes because they were scientists, it was their job to observe and take notes. And of course Pinto Pete hadn’t expected them to and he found it comforting that they never did. Sometimes he wrote a mystery word on the urinal cake with his pee, something for the scientists to rewind and try to decode. An easter egg embedded in his life.
“Yowza, Neutrino Jim. Supasalutz, Dark Matter Dick. Keep on keepin on right on, Pulsar Steve. Realsies, all y’all.” Pinto Pete was angling towards the exit. High fives for everyone. Dark Matter Dick even moved in for a hug but then decided to scratch some super irritating and hard to reach spot on his back instead when he realized he was just outside Pinto Pete’s peripheral vision.
“I know I’m not the centre of the universe,” said Pinto Pete, turning to face the scientists at the exit, a single tear collecting gravity in the corner of his left eye, “but you guys make me feel like I am.” The heartfeltness of these words was enough to cause the single tear to become a bead and tumble playfully end over end down his cheek. The heat of joy contained within it caused it to vaporize about two inches down. The scientists made a note of that.
“Don’t forget us!” called Complexity Kim, squished between Quark Abdul and E Equals MC Kevin, as Pinto Pete turned towards the light outside the bathroom, the outside of everything he’d ever known. He knew that he’d always have them with him, scribbling notes and attaching labels to his behaviours. And that was enough. It was all he’d ever needed.
THE TRUE END OF THE SAGA OF PINTO PETE
Sandpaper, obvs.
I think you might be in the wrong mini-thread. This is the one in which everyone is tearing ME a new asshole. Establish your own mini-thread in which others can tear you a new asshole, assuming that you are all consenting adults. But this one’s mine.
The sun’ll come out… TOMORROW! Bet your bottom dollar that tomoorOW, there’ll be suUUun!
When I’m stuck in a DAY, that’s GREY and looonely, I just stick out my CHIN and GRIN and SAAAAAY!
EVERYBODY!
OOOOH!
The sun’ll come out… TOMORROW! So you gotta hang on til tomorrooOOW! Come what may!
TOMORROW! TOMORROW! I LOVE YA! TOMORROW!
You’re always a day awaaay…
I’ve always enjoyed your work, “Chris Trash,” but this… this is probably my favourite Videogum comment of all time. It says exactly what I would like to say and it’s also David Foster Wallace convoluted. I love you as much as anyone can love the characters C-H-R-I-S T-R-A-S-H, which is more than you’d think.
Your former comment was at -16 when I read your latter comment so I downvoted your former comment so that your latter comment would make sense. I have your back. Friends? Or Best Friends?
I hope that this comes across as funny rather than trolling. I am honestly trying to mend fences and build bridges here.
I’m actually a pacifist? How about an intense game of crib.
I know that you probably won’t read this and if you do, you probably won’t accept my apology, but you’re right. That did cross the line. I was quite annoyed when I wrote all that. I’m not even sure what butt-hurt means because it’s not an expression used around here but if it means getting obsessed by something trivial – due to a lack of sleep lately – and allowing it to build into a jihad against imagined forces of evil, then yes, I was butt-hurt. I deserve the backlash. In fact, I’m surprised I have any upvotes. Not that I give a care (I discovered that I secretly give a care when I start to get upvotes, but then I stop caring when I don’t, because I’m too cool for school).
Even though there’s a point in my above post somewhere, I fully retract the second paragraph. Apart from the “this thread is super annoying” part. Because it is, to me, but if this place were always what I want it to be all the time, I would get bored with it. And, like I said, I’m partly responsible for prolonging the argument in the other thread and now again in this thread, so the super annoyingness is partly on me.
Apologies to Baby Friday and teacherman for being unnecessarily insulting and breaking the unspoken Monster’s Code. Totally not an okay thing for me to do. I will try to be more civil in the future, assuming that any commenting is in my future. If I do comment, it will not be in the form of a rant… unless I stop commenting for a while again and gradually discover wrongs needing to be righted as I read in silence, a silence which must be BROKEN! For I am Krakatoa the Righteous!
As I am wont to do.
I think she was talking to me.
Ugh. Whatever part I played in prolonging this stupid debate over the right and wrong way to commentate, I apologize for. I did not for one second think that anything I had to say would change the way things work around here. I just said what I had to say because everyone was getting so pissed off. I actually think it’s pretty cool that some of you have met up with each other in real life or are planning to do so. I am not an enemy to friendship. There, that’s what I want on my tombstone. “He was not an enemy to friendship. So there’s that, at least.” But anyway, I wasn’t trying to be malicious and I’m not butt-hurt about anything and I never was. I was just saying some stuff that I thought needed to be said.
And now I am consumed by regret (well, not really consumed, more like vaguely puzzled) because I feel like I made things worse. This thread is SUPER ANNOYING! And in so many ways. For one thing, all the “We are the greatest!” bullshit has returned but now with Super Powers. Which would be bad enough (for me) but on top of that there’s Baby Friday and Teacherman just not letting the whole stupid argument die. Let it die, please. As Mr. Hausfrau said, this shit happens occasionally and it has zero effect on anything. I don’t know why I think that you’re both teachers – I guess I must have read it somewhere in the comments – but I would hope that the people teaching my children would be grown up enough to let a stupid fucking argument they had on the internet die a natural death. Without resurrecting it Frankenstein-style so they could fuck it to death over and over and over again. It’s done. Move along, there’s nothing to see here.
Also, what makes Videogum monsters the greatest? The fact that we are mostly polite, usually respectful of each other, and in general not huge rageaholic assholes. These are not virtues. They are the absence of negatives, in my opinion, which is not the same thing. They are a baseline of courteous behaviour that you should expect from any fellow human being. Until a monster goes to an actual third world village and saves some children from starvation, we have nothing to pat ourselves on the back for. And even then, only that one monster has reason to pat him or herself on the back, not the community as a whole. If you want to share affection, sure. Go for it. But we are not the greatest. At our best, we are not that bad. “We were not that bad.” – Videogum’s tombstone.
It gets better. I was going to quote some lyrics from that Byrds’ song, Turn Turn Turn, because it’s sort of about the circularity of things and how there’s a natural rhythm in which everything finds its place, which is the long way of saying that it gets better. But in the process of looking up the lyrics in question because I couldn’t remember them verbatim, I came across this informational nugget: it’s almost a line by line adaptation of a passage from the book of Ecclesiastes! I didn’t know that. What makes it interesting is that the song itself is kind of a hippy-dippy lovefest thing, peace and love and all that, whereas the original Biblical stuff is much more resistant to such an interpretation. Just as there is a place for love, there is also a place for hate, which is a bit extreme. It sounds more like a hymn to Shiva the Creator/Destroyer than something you’d find in the Bible. I dunno. I thought it was cool. And now that I’ve gone on and on about it in what was meant to be a short “here is something interesting, maybe” comment, I might as well show you what I’m talking about.
1. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;
3. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5. A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6. A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7. A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
This is probably not at all comforting. Oh well. It is at least mildly interesting! And that, by any method of measurement utilized by man, is better than a stubbed toe.
I don’t think I read whatever it is you wrote that you think tilted more towards gloom than joy, but whatever it was, you on a bad day is still better than most people on a good day.
Awesome gif. I just wanted to say that, but as soon as I decided to write “Awesome gif” I thought “But if that is truly werttrew’s degree of rage, shouldn’t it be channeled towards some pursuit other than finding and relaying awesome gifs? Such as righting all the many wrongs in the world, or at least dying in the attempt, since that is the least he can do, given his massive rage?” I didn’t actually think that in those words, I don’t talk to myself in that way in my head, so don’t worry. The thought which immediately followed was, “Well, obviously it was a joke, he’s not that pissed off really, so why should he do any of that stuff? Sometimes you can just post a gif of some scrawly-head almost swearing without actually blowing your top yourself.” And now, after writing this, I’m like, “But still.”
The end of the story of my two-second chain of thoughts.