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 +2Posted on Nov 5th, 2012 | re: The Complete List Of Celebs Who Are Campaigning For Obama Today (50 comments)

all I really needed to see was, “not kid rock” and I’d say, “sign me up, Bronco, let’s do this thing.”

 +6Posted on Aug 24th, 2011 | re: How Much Paul Rudd Is Too Much Paul Rudd? (22 comments)

i’ve covered my walls and ceiling with paul rudds. that way, if i’m ever distracted away from my computer, i am still looking at paul rudd.

 +8Posted on Aug 24th, 2011 | re: How Much Paul Rudd Is Too Much Paul Rudd? (22 comments)

i’m a little disappointed. there were at least three small pictures that i saw with no paul rudd whatsoever.

 +14Posted on Aug 24th, 2011 | re: How Much Paul Rudd Is Too Much Paul Rudd? (22 comments)

c:\paul_rudd.exe

 +10Posted on Aug 24th, 2011 | re: Kids Krumping Is The Best Thing Around (26 comments)

child krumpers > child actors

 +17Posted on Aug 24th, 2011 | re: Will And Jada Smith NOT Getting Divorced "YET?!" (16 comments)

why are insiders always such dicks? if someone i knew told tmz i was getting divorced i would probably do my best not to know them anymore.

 +1Posted on Aug 23rd, 2011 | re: Earthquake Hits Virginia, New York, and DC. Eli Roth: First Responder. (28 comments)

i can’t upvote this hard enough.

 +3Posted on Aug 23rd, 2011 | re: Earthquake Hits Virginia, New York, and DC. Eli Roth: First Responder. (28 comments)

sorry, eli roth. i am unharmed and not being horribly killed by this earthquake.

 +6Posted on Aug 23rd, 2011 | re: Katie Couric's New Talk Show To Come With The Frame (48 comments)

challenge: failed :c

 +4Posted on Aug 23rd, 2011 | re: A Portrait Of America On August 23rd, 2011 (41 comments)

side note: phonograph is still in the dictionary, so i call shenanigans on taking cassette players out.

 +2Posted on Aug 23rd, 2011 | re: A Portrait Of America On August 23rd, 2011 (41 comments)

my number one hobby is explaining how books work. fortunately i found someone who clearly had no idea that it is time for books 2.0.

 +1Posted on Aug 23rd, 2011 | re: A Portrait Of America On August 23rd, 2011 (41 comments)

whatever, dictionary 1.0. your dictionary doesn’t update via tweets by miriam webster himself (history fact miriam webster is not a person)? why don’t you try to call the 21st century on your rotary phone? (seriously though the day i got my first cassette player was the best day of my young life. r.i.p. cassette players.)

 +4Posted on Aug 23rd, 2011 | re: Katie Couric's New Talk Show To Come With The Frame (48 comments)

challenge: accepted.

this is how i do it.

 +16Posted on Sep 9th, 2010 | re: The Cutest Bomb Scare (50 comments)

that’s what i thought too. i feel like 24 is going to copy this pony scare.

“i’m jack bauer. we need to defuse the nuclear bomb in the whitehouse. but all we have are more bombs.”

“wait. if there’s one thing i’ve learned from being jack bauer’s potential love interest that will inevitably betray or die while saving him, it’s that you have to fight fire with fire.”

“good call. all those phds you got from harvard in between supermodeling jobs have finally paid off. we’re going to kill that bomb. WITH A BIGGER BOMB.”

emmy please.

 +9Posted on Jul 20th, 2010 | re: Double Rainbow Guy Thanks Jimmy Kimmel For His Twitter, I Think (29 comments)

 +20Posted on Jul 19th, 2010 | re: Kids Eat Watermelon From INSIDE A Watermelon The Darndest Things (46 comments)

i think we need to have a talk about where babies come from, ian.

a stork delivers a watermelon and the baby has to eat it’s way out, right?

 +6Posted on Jul 19th, 2010 | re: Jeremy London Joins Cast Of Celebrity Rehab 4! (78 comments)

i think it’s significant that the two biggest stars on this season are jeremy london (party of five, ridiculous kidnapping stories) and some guy from the hills (the hills).

 +14Posted on Jul 19th, 2010 | re: True Blood S03E05: Will No One Help (Read: Eat) Tara? (54 comments)

vampire king stay the vampire king.

 +21Posted on Jul 19th, 2010 | re: The Sorcerer's Apprentice Open Thread (110 comments)

i didn’t see it. here is a cat wearing a wizard outfit.

i was just saying to myself, “self, first off that is an old joke and you need to chill out with it. second, i wish less people liked me. not like, mel gibson’s crazy racism or anything, but i wish i had ousted a beloved teevee icon so i could add to my gigantic collection of cars. too bad i can’t afford that, so i will just redouble my hate for someone who can live my dream.”

 +3Posted on Jul 19th, 2010 | re: The 11th Annual Gathering Of The Juggalos 17 Minute-Long Infomercial (132 comments)

guys, some of us just woke up (at noon). too early for seventeen minutes of juggalos. i’ma nap for ten hours, then i’ll have something to say about this.

 +74Posted on Jul 16th, 2010 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (133 comments)

fun mel gibson fact: so i follow gary busey on twitter (this is not the fact yet, just wait a minute, okay?) and he had the following to say.

“I’ve worked with Mel Gibson. Is he really that big of a racist A-hole? Yes. Yes he is.” -http://twitter.com/gbusey

that’s right, mel gibson. between you and gary busey, he thinks you are the crazy one.

 +35Posted on Jul 16th, 2010 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (133 comments)

can he swing/ from a web?/ no he can’t/ he’s a cat.