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 +3Posted on Jan 30th, 2013 | re: Scott Disick's Daily Routine Is A Wonderful Masterpiece (38 comments)

* “interviewed for a blog post”

(Just noted that he didn’t write it. Which was silly of me. Clearly he is too busy to be writing blog posts.)

 0Posted on Jan 30th, 2013 | re: Scott Disick's Daily Routine Is A Wonderful Masterpiece (38 comments)

“If I know I’m going to be writing a blog post that aligns with my outrageous public persona and is designed to be griped about all over the internet, I will riddle it with brand names so that the companies pay me for the press.”

 +2Posted on Aug 10th, 2012 | re: Louis C.K. And Television As Conflict Management (17 comments)

This post is awesome. So many things I think about with Louis C.K. all the time.

I know he’s beloved and nigh-unimpeachable for most people, but I think it’s pretty clear to most of us that he’s pretty self-satisfied. “Why shouldn’t I be? I deserve it,” he would say in response, in a way that just goes to prove the point even more strongly. I won’t lie, it’s a big turn-off for me. Louis is funny, mostly. And I like him, sometimes. But this thing, this “9 out of 10 credits,” “come on my critically acclaimed TV show and recite the words I write about our mutual hatred,” thing. I dunno. Guys? Did you all leave yet?

 +9Posted on Jul 12th, 2012 | re: The Most Memorable TV Moments Of The Past 50 Years?! (42 comments)

The Super Nintendo Chalmers reference makes my heart soar. To this day, that is how I pronounce superintendent.

 +30Posted on Jul 11th, 2012 | re: "Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience Member Gang Rape" Follow-Up (150 comments)

My personal feelings of ‘maybe we should take a deep breath about this whole appropriateness-of-rape-jokes topic’ are overrided by my increasing annoyance at the cliquey “us against the world” mentality employed by modern (read: outdated) comedians. Maybe, just MAYBE, sometimes something isn’t funny and/or isn’t even a joke (if my son were gay, I’d kill him. Is not a joke.), and people should be told that it sucks and be held morally accountable for their comments.

But no, I forgot, comedy is sacred and nothing deserves to be discussed ever because hey get over it it’s a joke and you’re the one who sucks for not getting it. SIgh.

 +6Posted on Jul 10th, 2012 | re: Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience To Rape Another Member Of Audience, LOL.0 (281 comments)

Daniel Tosh is by far the worst element of his own show. Not coincidentally, his show is in general an alright compendium of (mostly) funny web videos (read: a live-action VIDEOGUM). I know numerous people, myself mildly included, who think the show is funny but “hate” its host. Welcome to the new media, I suppose, where the shows are YouTube and the hosts are nightmarish YouTube commenters.

 +3Posted on Jul 10th, 2012 | re: Guessing The Plot Of Independence Day 2 (42 comments)

That last bullet point is the plot of the upcoming Will/Jaden Smith / M. Night Shyamalan film. Seriously. Officially, it’s a ‘secret,’ but that is the plot.

In conclusion: WORLDS BE COLLIDING (Alien and human worlds are the ones that are colliding as well as also Hollywood worlds and the worlds of the Smith family).

 +1Posted on Jul 9th, 2012 | re: Better Questions To Ask Emma Stone (34 comments)

In the public’s (pseudo?)defense, “Are you DTF?” is a question asked of lots of people regardless of whether or not they starred in Superbad. Sometimes people also starred in Jersey Shore. SO, you know. Normal.

 +2Posted on Jul 3rd, 2012 | re: The Amazing Spider-Man Is As Fun As It Is Unnecessary (36 comments)

It’s almost as if you don’t WANT Hollywood to reboot every comic book story every three years forever and ever until we all die.

 0Posted on May 7th, 2012 | re: Worlds Been Had Colliding: Lindsay Lohan And Woody Allen Had Dinner (8 comments)

Is this a thing? I think this is a thing, but you don’t see it THAT much…

You know, where a former star is basically being crushed out of existence and then a director “saves” their career and thus pumps up their own resume by being listed as their savior on their Wikipedia page in perpetuity (see: Quentin Tarantino and John Travolta: the success; and Quentin Tarantino and Kurt Russel: The Not Success). Nothing, I don’t think, comes out of the Hollywood press mill unless it’s supposed to, so it’s suspicious to me that BOTH Steven Spielberg and Woody Allen would have fawning “experiences” with Lindsy Lohan IN THE SAME WEEK.

I feel like, outside of Tarantino, Woody Allen tries this gimmick more than anyone else. Scorsese seems to do it sometimes but I think it’s more about latching onto an actor and never letting them go for him. ANYWAY, my point is: this is FAKE and GAY and I agree with Gorgy that it won’t work because Lindsy Lohan isn’t going to return to some former glory; Georgia Rule is as glorious as it was going to get.

 +1Posted on May 4th, 2012 | re: Thursday Night TV Open Thread (56 comments)

We frequently discuss “the calm before the storm” this time of year, when all the shows are gearing up for their season finale-type plotlines and the actual content of the shows is pretty sparse and unfunny. This week was that, for me. Very few laffs. Some real plot points coming down, but none of them particularly funny. Community was probably the best at making me care what happened in the episode, but that’s only because so much DID happen, where almost nothing did in the other shows. So, my conclusion: I love these shows but this week was boring omg I’m sorry I hope they still love me!

 +16Posted on Apr 27th, 2012 | re: Fashion Shack (32 comments)

This commercial was directed by David Lynch in 1993, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

 +4Posted on Apr 26th, 2012 | re: Will You Go See More Movies If You Can Live-Text Them? (43 comments)

I already AVOID movie theaters because of texting and similar behaviors reflecting the overbearing self-interest of the modern moviegoer, so sure, why not make it official. Just make a different chain for me that serves beer and cuts off the thumbs of those found texting (Landmark Theaters, take note).

 +3Posted on Jan 18th, 2012 | re: Brad Pitt Eating Supercut (5 comments)

I watched Moneyball this weekend and noticed how he was always eating, which reminded me about how that’s a common schtick for his characters (starting with Ocean’s 11 through today), which made me think “wow! that’d be a great idea for a supercut. I should do it!”

Only then I didn’t because of food and sleep and nerds. But the internet gave it to me because that’s how the internet works these days. The Singularity is here!

 +2Posted on Sep 21st, 2011 | re: Nicholas Sparks Is Creating A TV Show, Finally (49 comments)

At the end, it is revealed that they made this already and it was called City of Angels and it is a perennial favorite for The Worst Movie of All Time.

 +29Posted on Jul 6th, 2011 | re: Watch Jay Leno's Head Fall Off! (23 comments)


Lambasting an anonymous jury for taking the fact that they hold someone’s life in their hands seriously… check.

Suggesting that it is an outrage that someone was found not guilty just because most people suspect they did it… check.

SOMEHOW tying it all to the same vaguely conservative political jokes you tell every night as if they two are even remotely related… check.

Sounds like a great night for Jay.

It’s also kind of expected that Louis would take this route, regardless of whether he saw the delivery or even what his *personal* opinion is. Chris Rock did immediately as well, before he knew all of that Tracy said and recanted. Comedians tend to defend each other and “the form” and their right to be offensive to the death, for reasons that, I suppose, are understandable. In MY personal opinion, when I hear Jeff Ross or Jerry Seinfeld or Louis C. K. or Chris Rock make these kinds of excuses for a horrible act, which they have plenty of times before (See: Michael Richards), it just seems so utterly pompous, so cliquey.

It always comes out in some vague “you just don’t understand comedy,” or “their only crime was not being funny,” and it is ever so lame. Gabe is right on the money here — it’s not an offensive joke that makes national headlines. It’s when an aspect of the person’s personality accidentally escapes on stage, and that personality ends up being kind of ugly. This is what happened to Michael Richards and it seeeeems to be what happened to Tracy Morgan. They have a license to offend, yes, but come on–being a comedian does not mean that nothing you say should be taken seriously or criticized. For a group of people who are so quick to state that the comedy stage is not a pulpit, some comedians sure do treat it as though it were sacred.

College: It Never Really Ends.

 +2Posted on Jun 14th, 2011 | re: Tobey Maguire For Prada, Obviously (42 comments)

You don’t understand that it takes courage and vision to look like a zombie? Some might simply say that sickly and demented is in vogue (in-joke!) for upper-crust models, but the genius of Toby is that the second image straight up looks like he was photoshopped into a scene from 28 Days Later.

(New ad campaign: 28 Pradas Later. Better.)

 0Posted on May 19th, 2011 | re: Titanic 3D To Completely Ruin Our Plans (48 comments)

 0Posted on May 17th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Summer Series (462 comments)

I always thought it was supposed to be bad. Not at the Nicholas Cage level, but it always seemed like part farce to me.

 +4Posted on May 17th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Summer Series (462 comments)

I would really love to see a WMOAT review of Charlie St. Cloud. I haven’t even seen it and I’m positive that the review would have me in stitches.

 0Posted on May 17th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Summer Series (462 comments)

Feast of Love definitely deserves a hearing in the court of Gabe. It is a terrible, terrible movie. It tries SO HARD to be good, but it’s not. It comes close to “pretentious rich white nonsense,” but that’s not it’s problem. The problem is that it is genuinely terrible storytelling–I dare you to even figure out what is going on in that movie in the third act.

 +1Posted on May 17th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Summer Series (462 comments)

There are only so many comments I can Upvote to keep them from disappearing! I’m only one man, and Wes Anderson’s relatives are legion apparently.

 +3Posted on May 17th, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Summer Series (462 comments)