Timmy Metzner
Website: -

Latest Comments


 0Posted on Jan 14th, 2014 | re: Best New Party Game: Golden Globes Movies (21 comments)

Behind the Randy-labra

 +4Posted on Nov 21st, 2013 | re: Brainstorming Names For The Batman Vs. Superman Movie (67 comments)

Man of Steel: Robin’s Jealousy – or – You’re Welcome, Gay Fan Fiction

 +17Posted on Sep 23rd, 2013 | re: Best New Party Game: Autumn Television Shows (42 comments)

Law & Ordering a Pumpkin Spice Latte

 +18Posted on Sep 23rd, 2013 | re: Best New Party Game: Autumn Television Shows (42 comments)

House of Cardigans

no. just the bullied gay kid in middle school who grew into his looks and now feels the need to show that off instead of actually working through his insecurities #taleasoldastime

thanks though!

Party Time. Excellent… Not.

 +8Posted on Sep 5th, 2013 | re: Best New Party Game: Television-Inspired College Courses (42 comments)

The Rhetorical Nature of our Society or So You Think You Can Dance?

 +11Posted on Jul 23rd, 2013 | re: ATTN: This Is NOT Benedict Cumberbatch's Wedding (28 comments)

This infuriates me. How am I supposed to have my gay wedding top BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH OFFICIATING AN IBIZA DESTINATION WEDDING? Ugh. We are a competitive people, us gays.

Also I don’t have a location or officiant or a fiance or a boyfriend so this is really unjustified anger.

 +16Posted on Jun 7th, 2013 | re: Are You Doing Anything Special For The Purge This Year?! (81 comments)

I live in Baltimore so everyday is The Purge. Seriously. People do whatever they want and it’s terrifying.

 +7Posted on May 28th, 2013 | re: Prancercise: A Fitness Workout (18 comments)

I feel like… I feel like maybe this is a really clever audition tape for RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 6. Like. Get her on that show. And if not, I’m so so so sorry for thinking you were probably a very tiny man.

 +11Posted on May 23rd, 2013 | re: Tiny Angel Delivers Rapid-Fire Marvel Trivia Answers (15 comments)

I have this scarring memory of complaining about having to listen to the oldies station every time we got in the car. My dad turns around and says “Some day WHITNEY HOUSTON will be on the oldies station!” And i was stunned. It was a hard lesson in the passage of time, aging, the fleeting nature of life and also a subtle indictment of my yet to be realized homosexuality. A lot for a 5 year old to process.

 +3Posted on May 10th, 2013 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (31 comments)

August: Osage County might be my favorite play. I’ve been excited about this movie for a long time and this trailer with the uplifting music and the smiles just does not show how utterly terrible and broken and mean all these characters are. It’s a #dark play.

But then again Meryl and Juliette and Benedict… so… sure. I’m on board.

 +5Posted on May 9th, 2013 | re: Treadmill Dance (11 comments)

i was so worried he was going to fall. i’d just have to LEAVE THE GYM if i saw this happening there. it already brings up so much anxiety.

 +9Posted on May 8th, 2013 | re: Sarah Dunne's "Mwah" Music Video (19 comments)

I feel like it was a missed opportunity. The sign should have said. “You are now disturbed.”

 +15Posted on May 3rd, 2013 | re: What Is Your Most Embarrassing Celebrity Dream? (40 comments)

I had a very graphic and frightening sex dream about Anne Hathaway. She had… needs. As a gay man I did my best to fulfill them, but I remember grimacing the whole time.

I was utterly confused when I woke up.

i made it 14 seconds. i really feel like this needed a NSFWOEPDW (not safe for work or ever please don’t watch) warning.

 +9Posted on Apr 9th, 2013 | re: A Glee-Themed Public Marriage Proposal (13 comments)

Mine is definitely Adam Scott telling me he likes me and he loves me as he gets on one knee in a city hall somewhere. RuPaul is there telling me I didn’t fuck it up and then we go get some Bob’s Burgers.

 +2Posted on Apr 9th, 2013 | re: Kids Love A Good Twist Ending (26 comments)

Yook at all my exploded non-existent ovaries

 0Posted on Mar 22nd, 2013 | re: Bestie x Bestie Episode 4 (7 comments)

If videogum had a catchphrase what would it be? Just kidding. We know it already. It’s “more sand.” duh. #laughtrack

 +7Posted on Mar 18th, 2013 | re: Does The History Channel's The Bible Think Obama Is The Devil?! (33 comments)

Kelly’s one sentence response is perfection. I give it two Pulitzers way up!

 +10Posted on Mar 7th, 2013 | re: This Is Just Some Very Good Homophobic Slam Poetry (53 comments)

My biggest question is… who is supposed to watch this? what is your target audience? Do you want a pat on the back from other hatemongers? Then maybe just keep that to your small terrible circle of friends at youth group.

Do you want to try to convert the gays? Then why isn’t this a seven minute long techno remix sampling Robyn’s Dancing on My Own?


Someday I’m gonna be all “That’s my HUSBAND’s Job” and if it’s not Jeremiah, it’ll be Adam Scott. He’ll love me that much to switch his careers in this fantasy. Compromise.

Guys, my friend Jeremiah Boehr is a “Master Model Builder” at Legoland and he is so handsome and dreamy. You should go check out his fb fan page and then fall in love with him but then remember he is mine and not yours.

But to answer your question: Planet Express.

 +12Posted on Nov 21st, 2012 | re: What Ridiculous Movie Feat Do You Wish You Could Accomplish? (34 comments)

i want to observe a crime that causes me to go into hiding, as a nun. but more deeply. i want them to love me so much that they ask me back to teach their music class to kids in overalls and lauren hill.

 +17Posted on Oct 10th, 2012 | re: Scientists COMPLETELY RUIN Jurassic Park Cloning Theory (35 comments)

objects in mirror are (not) closer than they appear