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Me: The Tyler Huckabee Story
-A Memoir by Tyler Huckabee-
(in his own words)
I don’t know if I’ve told this story on here or not, but it’s a good story and I probably did it as my Monster alias, so.
A few years ago I was buying a Christmas tree at Menard’s and took the one I wanted up front so they could saw off a little of the bottom of the trunk. While the guy was sawing it off, he asked me, “how long will it take you to get home?”
I assumed he was worried that the tree would be, I don’t know, outside too long(?) so I said, “Not long. I don’t live far.”
“Well, can you call me when you get there?”
“Uh,” I said.
“I can help you. Just call me when you get home.”
“Uhm. Well. I’ve, like, set up a Christmas tree before.”
“I’d just feel a lot better if you called me when you got home.”
“Okay. Well, I’m not-”
And then he said, “excuse me, Sir. Were you saying something?” And he looked up and I saw his Bluetooth and I felt crazy all of a sudden so I just shouted “MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
And that is how I feel about answering calls on those earbud things.
Larry’s Crown(ing)
i won’t wear them, but they’ll make a wonderful edition to my shelf of Fright Night memorabilia.
The Gang Like the Internet
I would want to smell like carrots, because they are healthy and that is what the ladies like.
(Dr. Birdie? Just won a contest and I need to get a date STAT.)
Excuse me, Mr. Franco. Refill on coffee? How’s the pie?
That’ll do.
At least no Americans will see this.
On the plus side, the stock on my Amanda Bynes collective memorabilia company just EXPLODED.
Hey, What’s Up With Buffy Summers Being the Answer to All Our Problems Lately?
In related news, looks like Zach Galifinakis can add another entry to his death-by-high-fiving archives.
I think I speak for us all when I say that 20 years down the road, whether Topher is still an acclaimed artist or working for a used car salesman, we will all still have just a little bit of up hope because Topher is still alive.
Speak for yourself, old man Gabe. On my fancy new “lap top” computer, I can sip mojitos out by the pool AND comment on VG at the same time. Motherfucking miracles in the dog days of summer. This guy knows.
Someone call the tombstone etcher. “You are a pig and I am a man” is going on my headstone.
(FYI, as Huckabeast’s official spokesman, I’d like to point out that this comment is not offensive to Americans, although I can see how you’d think that grouping Americans as one giant collective bunch of “racists” could be seen as offensive, it definitely isn’t. Thanks! Don’t forget to upvote Huckabeast!