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 0Posted on Jul 13th, 2012 | re: Hey, This Is Nice: Family Fulfills Deceased Man's $500 Tip Wish (17 comments)

You know, I’ve seen this mentioned in quite a few comments on this video. I was raised by a Super Manners mom – no elbows on the table, napkin in the lap, no phone at dinner (in public too no duh). I had no idea this remove your hat at the table thing was such a big deal! It may be because we are a house of ladies and not fellas and hats weren’t really an issue with our particular set of ladies? My dad for sure takes his hat off when it’s eatin’ time, to the point where he complains to the server if there is no hat rack in a restaurant (OMG DAAAAAAD YOU’RE EMBARRASSING MEEEEE).
All this is to say, I am quite proud there are so many gentlemen in our generation’s midst :)

 +11Posted on Jul 5th, 2012 | re: The Kidz Bop Cover Of "Call Me Maybe" Vs. The Internet (29 comments)

I was going to say something about the heroin budget for this shoot. But then I thought “Hey Sarah, that is very strange and way too abstract for anyone to understand. Even you.”
But I would like it on the record regardless.

 +9Posted on Jun 29th, 2012 | re: THIS JUST IN, LADIES AND GENTS! (31 comments)

I am going with my friend at four. I woke up and texted her “IT’S MAGIC MIKE DAY IT’S MAGIC MIKE DAY!” I unironically am excited about this.

 +3Posted on Jun 29th, 2012 | re: Krispy Kreme - "Girl Work It" (35 comments)

Well, judging by their location and signage they are QUITE classy. I’m sure they would love Krispy Kreme’s patronage. He has 400 cars, scars, guitars, houses, mouses, and houses, you know.

 +3Posted on Jun 29th, 2012 | re: Krispy Kreme - "Girl Work It" (35 comments)

I dunno, have you ever driven through Alabama? There’s a strip club at like every truck stop. Maybe there are height requirements for entrance though? Bless his heart.

 +2Posted on Jun 29th, 2012 | re: Krispy Kreme - "Girl Work It" (35 comments)

Oh…uh…this was a reply to my other comment. I wonder if our metal detector has a BRAIN setting amiright??

 +2Posted on Jun 29th, 2012 | re: Krispy Kreme - "Girl Work It" (35 comments)

He can borrow our metal detector. I think it has a “hype” setting.

 +8Posted on Jun 29th, 2012 | re: Krispy Kreme - "Girl Work It" (35 comments)

You guys, has anyone checked on Krispy Kreme’s hype man? He seems to have lost his hype.

 +7Posted on Jun 26th, 2012 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (15 comments)

I should write for a living. My stories are endlessly entertaining.

 +5Posted on Jun 26th, 2012 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (15 comments)

I liked Wanderlust immensely. I paid for my friend to go see it with me opening weekend – a matinee of course, because we are geriatric. A couple that looked to be in their mid-forties and L-7 SQUARES got up and walked out during Paul Rudd’s super seXXXy mirror monologue. If you’ve seen the movie you know the one. It is a stunning display of improv/spoken erotica on Mr. Rudd’s part. But after everything else in that movie up to that point, including Lotruglio’s swangin’ thang, THAT’S what pushes you over the edge?
Related: I will never understand some of the people I see in matinees. Do they even consciously pick the movies they’re watching? Do they just ask the ticket person for two to the next movie showing? They probably always just need to go see whatever Tyler Perry movie is playing at the time.

 +7Posted on Jun 11th, 2012 | re: Let's All Find Our First Taste Of Root Beer This Week (14 comments)

Hey you see how delighted Noah is by that first taste of root beer? How he claps and dances? That was my reaction yesterday after discovering that when my niece says “prince” it sounds like “bitch.”
Just pure glee, you guys. I’ve truly found my first taste of root beer.

I was just spit-ballin’ there.

Rando, I worked for Pee-Wee’s sister Abby in Nashville. He would call the office from time to time. We all called him Uncle Paul. Apparently they have a “bad other brother,” which I think speaks volumes to this other brother’s badness.

I’m with everyone else’s twins-on-bikes idea. I’m picturing a Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure-style (and -quality!) romp with that tiny Indian guy and the big Amazon lady. And something about freakish goats, maybe, I dunno. Not faintin’ goats, though, bless their little hearts.

 +4Posted on Jun 7th, 2012 | re: IS New Girl The First Post-Post-9/11 TV Show? (33 comments)

Last night I just happened to find two folks of the male persuasion (hotcha hotcha!) on my friends list that admitted to liking the show New Girl. One is married but the other is a hot artiste named Salem. I think it’s finally time to make it with him.
Also I LOVE this show and am unashamed of this fact.
ALSO also what’s post-post-9/11 even mean?

 0Posted on Jun 7th, 2012 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (20 comments)

I know a girl named Scout Finch. Just put that together. ABOYOIYOIYOIYIIIIING – the sound my brain just made.

 +28Posted on May 25th, 2012 | re: The Only "Call Me Maybe" Parody Ever (52 comments)

All I thought about as I watched that (er, grimaced through 40 seconds of it) was, “SOME POOR UNDERPAID EMPLOYEE IS GOING TO HAVE TO RESTOCK ALL THAT CRAP YOU USELESS CHILD.”
This is what 31-years-old looks like on me, apparently?

 0Posted on May 24th, 2012 | re: That's Your Girlfriend: This Racist (62 comments)

Also: Ethaticity. I’ll use it in a sentence: “Honkies are the best ethaticity according to that lady probably.”

 0Posted on May 24th, 2012 | re: That's Your Girlfriend: This Racist (62 comments)

Man y’all, I told Uncle Jerry Jeff, I said “Jerry Jeff, next time you got that video camera on Aunt Lo-Rene MAKE SURE HER DAMN TEETH ARE IN.”
The boy don’t listen. Bless his heart. Now bring me another Sun Drop.

 0Posted on Mar 5th, 2012 | re: An Open Letter To The Fan Who Puked On Michael Fassbender (63 comments)

Was he on SNL? Serious question. I was gonna make a joke, and that joke (which turned into a human) needed to know why he originally got famous (-ish?) to survive, and it couldn’t figure that out so then the joke called Jack Kevorkian and died.
So seriously, why is he famous?

 +16Posted on Feb 29th, 2012 | re: 1988 News Report Gets SERIOUS About Computer Viruses (34 comments)

You guys.

 +1Posted on May 19th, 2011 | re: Titanic 3D To Completely Ruin Our Plans (48 comments)

Unrelated: My outgoing voicemail message is ‘Welcome to Sarah’s voicemail, I love you.’ No one ever gets it.

 +1Posted on May 18th, 2011 | re: The 11th Spring Jam Of 2011: Mr. Ghetto's "Walmart" (43 comments)

Regarding their Louisiana Purchase cards: Were they in the amount of $15 apiece, and is it safe to assume those were the bouncy ladies’ compensation?

 +1Posted on May 13th, 2011 | re: For The Fellas: A Video With So Many Butts, So NSFW. (47 comments)

HOW YOU LIKE YO EGGS

 +1Posted on May 13th, 2011 | re: Okay, Sure. Hall And Oates And Cats. (26 comments)

Oh – as soon as i saw Rob Lowe air-banjoing in the car last night I immediately thought “Oh awesome, I can’t wait for concert_addict’s treatment of this tomorrow!” I will be monitoring the Thursday Night comments with great anticipation, don’t let me down buddy!

 +2Posted on May 13th, 2011 | re: Okay, Sure. Hall And Oates And Cats. (26 comments)

So, I got a job yesterday, reconciled with The Boy, and now an acoustic cover of Maneater with cat gifs? I think it’s all downhill from here.