Way more interesting than any conversation I’ve had in a bar, ever. But are you positive that wasn’t just an Oscar-shaped whiskey bottle?
What I realized last night is that maybe I should watch at home alone next year. I was feeling all fussy at my fellow partygoers for talking over the acceptance speeches. I am lame and sentimental and like to hear what people have to say at the moment their biggest dream is realized. Maybe next year my morph into my grandma will be complete and I’ll sit on the couch with a highball and say things like, ‘He looks like he’s never seen a comb in his life!’ and, ‘That’s a handsome woman.’
You know that blanket’s riddled with smallpox.