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 +10Posted on Jul 23rd, 2012 | re: The Videogum Movie Club: The Dark Knight Rises (157 comments)

I find it hard to believe that Bruce Wayne spent all of those years, physical damage, and millions of dollars to fight crime in Gotham, only to then completely give up and mope around Wayne Manor for eight years over MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL.

 0Posted on Jun 7th, 2012 | re: This Is Just A Good Inspirational Speech By Krispy Kreme (31 comments)

I’m pretty glad the government shut down the space program before he got involved in it.

I can’t wait for Will Ferrell to play Mr. Kreme in his biopic (Lifetime, natch).

Good speech!

 +3Posted on Mar 28th, 2012 | re: Instead Of This Robot Hand, Let's Just Not Communicate Anymore? (15 comments)

The next day, tele-handjobs were invented. Those guys at Honda are really handy!

 +10Posted on Feb 28th, 2012 | re: Not Your Older Sibling's Vacation Franchise! (26 comments)

I must admit that the cast you’ve assembled would probably be the best possible scenario. It couldn’t really end up that good, could it?

 +28Posted on Feb 27th, 2012 | re: The 2012 Academy Awards (101 comments)

Let’s never forget Angelina Jolie’s attention-whore leg.

The news reporter failed to mention that these were the Sandusky line of children’s undergarments.

Damned liberal media.

 -13Posted on Sep 8th, 2011 | re: Rick Perry Killed 234 People (APPLAUSE BREAK) (172 comments)

I’m not so sure statistics agree with you here. In places where there are harsh consequences to crimes (cutting off the hands of thieves, etc.), the crime rates are much lower than here.

 -20Posted on Sep 8th, 2011 | re: Rick Perry Killed 234 People (APPLAUSE BREAK) (172 comments)

Serious moment: Gabe, I’m not sure I can get on board with your idea that the death penalty is “morally wrong.” Please tell me that you don’t think think the death penalty involves picking some random guy out of a bus station and killing them.

You see, the death penatly is for people WHO KILL OTHER PEOPLE. How does anyone who kills another person have a right to their own life at that point?

I’m a liberal for the most part. I completely support gay marriage, clean evironments, Activa yogurt … all that stuff. But the whole “soft on crime” part bothers me. Perhaps if we had a justice system that paid back to criminals what they dished out, our society might not be such a violent place.

 +18Posted on Sep 7th, 2011 | re: Angry Little Boy Needs To Rest Case About Flip Flops And Boat Shoes (54 comments)

Boy, if he’s worried about what the frat guys will think about his bloody sock, just wait until they see this video!

 +3Posted on Sep 2nd, 2011 | re: New Dialogue That Was NOT Added To The Star Wars Blu Ray (125 comments)

Who the hell is George Cadanza?

 +8Posted on Jul 13th, 2011 | re: We Need To Talk About The This Must Be The Place Trailer Right Now (63 comments)

Um, is this actually SUPPOSED to be about Robert Smith??

 +2Posted on Jul 6th, 2011 | re: Watch Jay Leno's Head Fall Off! (23 comments)

That voice! That lisp! Those jokes!

Refresh my memory … how did this guy get a job in media?

 +14Posted on Jun 7th, 2011 | re: Pranks Are The Worst But This Is A Good Prank (27 comments)

Gabe, you clearly have too much time on your hands if you’re messing with drive thru attendants all day.

That’s weird … because I heard Osama just reappeared on a beach near the Indian Ocean:

http://www.celebrityfreakshow.com/zombie-osama-bin-laden-rises-from-indian-ocean/

 +1Posted on Apr 27th, 2011 | re: The Wednesday Dance (40 comments)

I like to imagine that these guys were driving along when that wheel fell off. While trying to fix it, they all got frustrated and, in a clever moment, decided to defuse the tension by having an impromtu dance-a-thon in the middle of the Turkish wilderness.

Um, is there some way to plan these things more than three minutes in advance? Some of us don’t happen to live down the street from The Bell House.

 +3Posted on Mar 2nd, 2011 | re: Best New Party Game 47: Charlie Sheen Movie Quotes (126 comments)

“Oh no, it wasn’t teh airplanes. It was Fire-breathing fists killed the Beast.”

 +8Posted on Mar 2nd, 2011 | re: Best New Party Game 47: Charlie Sheen Movie Quotes (126 comments)

“Luke, I am your F-18.”