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father time
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 +25Posted on Feb 7th | re: Heaven Just Got A Little More Videogum (277 comments)

okay, well, i already posted my tearful goodbye in scott’s post because i’m at work and only skimmed the comments and didn’t realize there was going to be another one, so i will just say this: kelly, you are an immensely talented writer, and i can’t wait to see what you do next (senior editor of cerealprize.com, obviously). thank you for everything, and give my regards to gabe in heaven.

(also i’m going to repost this because it makes me laugh so much and because i made it for YOU.)

 +14Posted on Feb 7th | re: Life Is A Highway, You Guys (145 comments)

i’ve had this in heavy rotation all week, and now it’s finally here:


i don’t know what i can say that hasn’t already been said more eloquently and poignantly a million time over, so i’ll try and be brief. i’ve been here on and off more or less since the beginning, but only started commenting in the last couple of years, and even then not all that regularly; partly because i’m in a different time zone/a sleep til noon garbage vampire, but mostly because i never really feel like i’m funny or clever enough to keep up with all of you baby geniuses. you are all—staff and commenters alike—some of the most brilliant, hilarious, and caring people i’ve ever had the iPrivilege to eKnow, and i am incredibly thankful for the time we’ve shared together. you have all well and truly made the internet a better place, which may not sound like much, because NO DUH, the internet is a nightmare, but we’re like four years out from blade runner at this point, the internet is BASICALLY all we have.

i love all of you like a tiny baby loves sand.

h.a.g.s. k.i.t.

 +15Posted on Feb 6th | re: David Blaine: Electrified: One Million Questions Always What? (55 comments)

and with this, we solemnly raise your tortilla into the rafters.

 +10Posted on Feb 6th | re: David Blaine: Electrified: One Million Questions Always What? (55 comments)

was that also the same week as the first HWEDT post? what a week!

 +28Posted on Feb 6th | re: David Blaine: Electrified: One Million Questions Always What? (55 comments)

i just remembered i still had this on my hard drive, and that i regretted not adding bananas onto brad pitt’s shirt the first time around, so i fixed it, FOR POSTERITY.

 +12Posted on Feb 6th | re: How Is Everyone's Day Today? (146 comments)

a giant lenticular print of this on my tombstone plz

 +11Posted on Feb 6th | re: How Is Everyone's Day Today? (146 comments)

i keep intending to wake up super early to actually go to class (i am terrible at school), but then the second my alarm goes of i’m like “ehh, why start now?” and then go back to sleep. and then when i wake up again i tell myself that if i’m not going to go to class then i am at least going to work on all the projects i have piling up, but then i just end up playing pokemon (LADIES) and reading videogum all day. and one would think that once videogum goes to blog heaven that might mean that i’ll at least get some work done for once, but, i’m still only about halfway through pokemon x, so it’s liiiike

 +10Posted on Feb 6th | re: The World Keeps On Turning, George Clooney Keeps On Pranking (49 comments)

once a girl dumped me while we were sitting in her car eating in-n-out burger after quietly sobbing for several minutes and refusing to tell me why, so i dunno, you guys.

 +16Posted on Feb 6th | re: The World Keeps On Turning, George Clooney Keeps On Pranking (49 comments)

if i got dumped i would probably get pizza immediately, none if this “a few hours later” nonsense. if anything she’d call a few hours later like “oh, you’re STILL eating pizza?” (LADIES.)

 +8Posted on Feb 4th | re: A Fake Interview With Nicolas Cage (9 comments)

when is gabe’s podcast dropping, and why isn’t it just friendly chat in podcast form??

 +17Posted on Feb 4th | re: Hey, What’s Up With Topher Grace? (53 comments)

FOLLOW THE MONEY

 +22Posted on Feb 4th | re: Hey, What’s Up With Topher Grace? (53 comments)

#kelly4cerealprize #whateverthatevenis

 +5Posted on Feb 3rd | re: Hey Guys, We Have To Talk To You About Something (353 comments)

http://twitter.com/oldmanleal

how does one go about joining the secret monster facebook page? is there a handshake i have to learn?

 +10Posted on Jan 31st | re: Three Katherine Chloe Cahoons, Dancing For The Super Bowl (21 comments)

i must hear that stupid song at LEAST three times a day, but i’ve somehow never heard the actual macklemore part, and i plan on keeping it that way.

 +2Posted on Jan 31st | re: This Week In Comedy Open Thread (12 comments)

broad city is so great! i don’t watch girls, so i can’t speak to that comparison, but it sort of reminds me of a more crass version of flight of the conchords. also, broad city is just a VERY good name for a television program. the part at the end where ilana was trying to rope abbi into a three-way with lincoln and abbi just awkwardly flopped away was tbs very funny.

 +9Posted on Jan 29th | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (79 comments)

“there’s nothing in the bible that says a dog can’t be raptured!”

 +9Posted on Jan 29th | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (79 comments)

heaven is for real is one hundred percent the most hilarious movie title i have ever seen.

 +14Posted on Jan 29th | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (79 comments)

so as i’ve mention before, my friends’ band is currently on tour, and they keep texting me with really last-minute request for design stuff (tweaking their album artwork for a second pressing, designing custom drumheads, and other stuff that they PROBABLY should have figured out BEFORE they left), which i’m more than happy to do, but which are kind of difficult because i still have school and my regular shitty job. BUT! today they are paying me what basically amounts to a week’s pay at my real job to call in sick from tonight so i can finish something that they need by tomorrow morning. it’s kind of great! although i kind of feel bad since i was probably one of only like, three people closing tonight.

 +4Posted on Jan 24th | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (3 comments)

 +6Posted on Jan 23rd | re: Best New Party Game: Sick Movies! (67 comments)

invasion of the booger sneezers

 +14Posted on Jan 23rd | re: Best New Party Game: Sick Movies! (67 comments)

we bought a flu

 +7Posted on Jan 23rd | re: Best New Party Game: Sick Movies! (67 comments)

buffalo ‘sicksty-sicks

 +12Posted on Jan 23rd | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (19 comments)

they’re together in heaven.

 +8Posted on Jan 22nd | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (94 comments)

we’re supposed to wear khakis but mine fell apart and i didn’t have time to got buy new ones so i just started wearing my normal pants (grey or maroon) and no one said anything for like six months (not even the district manager, when he visited) but then we got a new store manager a few days ago.

 +11Posted on Jan 22nd | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (94 comments)

congratulations! today my new boss gave me a warning after like a year of me wearing the wrong color pants at work. SHUT UP, PANTS JOBS.