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Endless Michael
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 +10Posted on Dec 20th, 2011 | re: That's Your Boyfriend: Guy Singing "Niggas in Paris" on NYC Subway (23 comments)

I love how at the end he finally realized there are people in the world other than himself.

 +6Posted on Dec 20th, 2011 | re: The Dark Knight Rises Trailer Open Thread (129 comments)

Haha, birdman25′s going to “do a family”.

 +3Posted on Nov 10th, 2011 | re: This Is Just A Good Rick Perry Blooper (45 comments)

I love how defiant he was about it, how unforced it was. It wasn’t exactly in response to a question. He’s like “Guess what?! Uhh…uhhh….um…”

Yeah, but screw education, that part he remembered.

 +7Posted on Nov 10th, 2011 | re: NSFW: "Me And My Mom Dancing To My Neck My Back" (39 comments)

When I was growing up, my mom was insanely overprotective about me crossing the street, and I used to watch a lot as my friends from the neighborhood would play “Army” across the street, fantasizing about how fun it would be to join them, if only my mom could loosen up a little.

Twenty-six years later, I’m reminded again that my parents had it right.

 +35Posted on Oct 31st, 2011 | re: Woman Responds To Marriage Proposal Like A True Lady (34 comments)

That reminds me, by the way, of a time I was in this same library (in Chicago), right after I’d first moved to the city. I was at this same computer, and I heard a sound I never heard before, but it was unmistakeable. I could hear a stream of urine hitting the carpet, and I’ll never forget how composed the librarian was. “Sir, would you PLEASE finish that in the bathroom?!” she said, sternly. First of all, “sir”, to a guy pissing in your library. Second of all, “please”. And finally, inviting him to finish his business right there in her establishment. #classylibrariangum

 +20Posted on Oct 31st, 2011 | re: Woman Responds To Marriage Proposal Like A True Lady (34 comments)

Man, she hit the DECK. I gasped. In the library. I would have been embarrassed, but the guy next to me was watching porn, so…

 +6Posted on Oct 27th, 2011 | re: Who Should Replace Will Smith In Independence Day Two & Three? (41 comments)

So Willow Smith looks set to go as an alien.

 +14Posted on Oct 24th, 2011 | re: There's Something Wrong With The Vampire Dog Poster (53 comments)

I vunt to kees your face!

 +5Posted on Oct 21st, 2011 | re: A Terrible Surprise From A Beautiful Man (83 comments)

I don’t know. People change, and maybe he’s getting work right now and he’s happy with himself, and I hope so. But then one day, oops I’m old and don’t feel this way anymore and my appearance has alienated the whole nursing home. I don’t know.

 0Posted on Oct 20th, 2011 | re: A Terrible Surprise From A Beautiful Man (83 comments)

First of all, jump in the trash can, you’ve ruined your body. Second of all, I’ve always wondered – you love getting tattoos and then one day you’re all out of room. Now what?

 +1Posted on Oct 20th, 2011 | re: The "John Travolta Was Snubbed By KFC" Game! (39 comments)

“Forget it, John. Let’s just book a private room at Burger King.”

 +10Posted on Oct 20th, 2011 | re: The "John Travolta Was Snubbed By KFC" Game! (39 comments)

I have never had trouble getting a table at KFC. You don’t need to make reservations at KFC, John. And a gallon of milk is less than $50.

 +3Posted on Oct 20th, 2011 | re: DANCE BREAK! (29 comments)

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching and you’re on LCD and bad at dancing,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”

- William W. Purkey, kind of

 +4Posted on Oct 20th, 2011 | re: Oprah Teaches Rosie O'Donnell How To Do A Tequila Shot (18 comments)

Did I just dream that there were such things as tranquilizer guns? Those are real things, right? I’ve been on medication lately, but I swear those things are real and maybe could have been used.

 +1Posted on Oct 20th, 2011 | re: Ricky Gervais Has Gone Completely Off The Rails (94 comments)

Well, damn it, Ricky. I like him overall, but yeah, he should write TV shows and close his twitter account and speaking to the press account.

 +2Posted on Oct 14th, 2011 | re: This Is Just A Good Photo Of Kirk Cameron Celebrating His Birthday (60 comments)

“The wish I made that there was scientific proof of God already came true.”

 0Posted on Sep 28th, 2011 | re: What Should Dane Cook Call His New Sitcom? (114 comments)

By the way, I somehow remember, in retrospect, seeing this somewhere before. But somehow that makes it better, In Dane’s case.

 +3Posted on Sep 28th, 2011 | re: What Should Dane Cook Call His New Sitcom? (114 comments)

Citizen Dane.

“He made ‘Chinatown’!”
– Hollywood

R2D2, Esq. is exactly right. This is precisely the kind of role he lampooned himself playing in “Funny People” that was supposedly “in his past”. This makes “Norbit” look like “The Apartment” (swoosh).

 0Posted on Sep 27th, 2011 | re: Let's Name Snoop Dogg's Sitcom! (67 comments)

“That’s So Cancelled”
“Doggfather Knows Best”

 +19Posted on Sep 27th, 2011 | re: BAD PARENTING ALERT! (46 comments)

I can’t figure out how to post my desired picture (new to the site, bad with computers, and also stupid), so I will describe my intended post to you, and then you can mail me your upvotes.

I would have posted the picture of the “more sand” girl, and then put “more juice”.

*bows*

 +11Posted on Sep 14th, 2011 | re: There Are Still Decent Strangers In This World Also (40 comments)

And I went with “an” because boring starts with b, which is a vowel.

 +4Posted on Sep 14th, 2011 | re: There Are Still Decent Strangers In This World Also (40 comments)

So…the guy was later okay? He looked awfully corpsey.

Also, what an boring swear-jar at that office, no doubt. They’ll never get that new scanner.

 +10Posted on Sep 9th, 2011 | re: Do It Cause Daddy Says So (20 comments)

Okay, a hypothetical – Daddy says one thing, Simon says another. Now what?!