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EGhead
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 0Posted on Jan 30th, 2013 | re: That's Your Girlfriend: Lisa, Who Eats Cat Hair Right Off Her Cat (25 comments)

I can’t :-(

 +1Posted on Jan 30th, 2013 | re: Is This Fun?: Imagining TV Show Ice Cream Flavors! (46 comments)

You SHOULD toss in the towel after “Games of Cones”, because that’s the obvious best-ever answer right there.

 +4Posted on Jan 28th, 2013 | re: Some Extraordinary News (69 comments)

Oh good, I feel better now.

 +13Posted on Jan 28th, 2013 | re: Some Extraordinary News (69 comments)

I’m really sorry Taylor Swift doesn’t want to be your IRL BFF, Gabe, but please stop taking it out on your shift key.

 +3Posted on Jan 21st, 2013 | re: A Taste Of James Franco's Inauguration Poem, "Obama In Asheville" (23 comments)

He must be stopped.

 +16Posted on Jan 16th, 2013 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Drew Barrymore Has The Wine (33 comments)

Yes. The rest of us are singing it to “I Walk the Line”, duh.

 +2Posted on Jan 16th, 2013 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Drew Barrymore Has The Wine (33 comments)

Drew Barrymore’s, “I Have the Wine” is one of my favorite songs.

 +2Posted on Jan 14th, 2013 | re: "I Have The Wine" By Johnny Cash (26 comments)

You know, you actually had a point about differing cultural references, but I’m not sure where the ‘heavyset’ part came in.

 +2Posted on Jan 10th, 2013 | re: Are You America's Next Top Space Bachelor? (32 comments)

Butbutbut they were going to select only the smartest, healthiest individuals! You mean Space Eugenics is an impossibility?? Back to the ubermensch drawing board, I guess.

 +9Posted on Aug 13th, 2012 | re: Roseanne Roast Post, Y'all (31 comments)

I like how people think that saying “Wow, that was really tasteless and not very funny, and I really don’t think you should’ve have said that, because it makes you sound like an asshole” is the same thing as trying to take away their freedom of speech. No one is trying to pass any laws to get you to shut up, Jeffrey Ross. We’re just *telling* you to shut up, which is…. (wait for it)…. (wait a little longer)… FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

 +7Posted on Aug 10th, 2012 | re: Maybe We Actually Should #GETHAZED (35 comments)

Oh, thank goodness! I was just wondering what to do with all of these sick beats I have.

 +2Posted on Aug 9th, 2012 | re: Do Not Watch This Video Of A Spider Molting (20 comments)

Kelly, I think you have a problem, and that problem is spider videos.

Now that your addiction has progressed to the point where it’s beginning to affect those around you– i.e. US– you really need to seek help. It’s not just about you and your life anymore.

 +11Posted on Aug 7th, 2012 | re: Ragu: For When Your Parents Are Getting It Wet (39 comments)

When I was but a little egg– maybe 7 years old– I was really afraid that there were monsters under my bed. I used to insist on sleeping in my parents’ room at night, because, as we all know, monsters don’t hide under parents’ beds. My dad was getting pretty fed up with this, so I decided one night that I’d have to convince him I was *extra* scared. I snuck out of bed, down the hall, opened their door, and screamed for dramatic effect. You know, because of the monsters?

Apparently my parents thought I was screaming because of something else, something that I couldn’t even see because it was so dark. But anyway, that’s how I got my first sex talk.

 0Posted on Jul 31st, 2012 | re: Let's Get Serious, Like This Olympic Gymnast's Parents (33 comments)

You know most eggs are brown, right? Or is this a ‘only white people eat eggs!’ thing, because I’ve never heard that one.

 0Posted on Jul 31st, 2012 | re: Let's Get Serious, Like This Olympic Gymnast's Parents (33 comments)

Um…

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=brown+eggs

 +1Posted on Jul 30th, 2012 | re: Let's Get Serious, Like This Olympic Gymnast's Parents (33 comments)

“Xenophobic! Not necessarily racist! There’s a difference!” –a food visage… well, an *ethnic* food visage… which kind of damages his credibility, if you know what I mean (What I mean is I’m xenophobic, but definitely not racist)

Or they’re making a statement that being openly gay would hurt their careers, because the world is so incredibly homophobic still and maybe we should work on fixing that first. (Also, they’re Scientologists, and there’s probably no more homophobic religion than Scientology. So that’s another thing.)

I say that, from now on, instead of assuming that everyone is straight until proven otherwise, we don’t assume anything! Or, actually, even better, let’s assume that everyone is gay until proven otherwise. “Did you hear about John Travolta?” “Yeah, I heard that guy’s married… *to a woman!* I’m pretty sure he could be straight!”

I’m pretty sure that making fun of people for being mentally ill isn’t any better than making fun of people for being gay. Like, *pretty* sure, but who knows, really?

I think I’ll just stick to making fun of people who are so insulated by wealth and fame that they can’t recognize that they’re acting like jackasses. Also, Scientologists.

 +5Posted on Jul 17th, 2012 | re: Katie Holmes' Marriage Proves Existence Of God (33 comments)

Sweeeetttt. Lance Bass and I are totally getting married then, because I prayed for that shit *hard* when I was 12. I think the whole ‘gay’ thing is just to throw off the other NSYNC fans.

 0Posted on Jul 13th, 2012 | re: Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience To Rape Another Member Of Audience, LOL.0 (281 comments)

He didn’t actually tell a rape joke. His *character* in a *fictional show* told a rape joke, and the moral of the episode was ultimately that he was an asshole for it.

 0Posted on Jul 13th, 2012 | re: Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience To Rape Another Member Of Audience, LOL.0 (281 comments)

Also, LOL, pick up a DSM.

 0Posted on Jul 13th, 2012 | re: Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience To Rape Another Member Of Audience, LOL.0 (281 comments)

That was a joke ABOUT rape jokes, actually. It was a reference to something horrific Whoopie Goldberg said.

 0Posted on Jul 13th, 2012 | re: Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience To Rape Another Member Of Audience, LOL.0 (281 comments)

This is probably why you hate Daniel Tosh: http://jonathan-cunningham.tumblr.com/post/27128556858/in-2011-daniel-tosh-aired-an-actual-rape-on-his-show

I apologize if someone posted that already. This thread is so long! Which probably means people are arguing about this. Which probably means UGH.

Ugh. What is this? Tom Cruise is a very rich, very handsome, very crazy person, and I demand to know all of his business AND look at puppies! I will not choose!