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 +2Posted on Jul 12th, 2012 | re: Hey, This Is Nice: Family Fulfills Deceased Man's $500 Tip Wish (17 comments)

What is wrong with that waitress? She is WAY TOO CALM. I have worked that kind of menial job before and I would have lost my mind if someone handed me $500 and didn’t immediately threaten to take it away or demand unsavory favors. But no, this girl just nods and says “Oh my goooooood,” really slowly and in a low voice. Where is the shrieking and the tears? She disappoints me.

 +1Posted on Feb 18th, 2012 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (46 comments)

I have a lot of problems with the Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter movie, but I am sad to admit that I actually shouted “WHAT” at the trailer when it showed the National Mall in DC. The Washington Monument wasn’t completed during Lincoln’s lifetime, but they have it in the trailer. What is wrong with my life that I am more upset about THAT egregious anachronism than the mere existence of this film? I have bad priorities. Help me.

 +2Posted on Jan 24th, 2012 | re: That's Your Hair Salon: Blow (25 comments)

Strangely, about 75% of Missouri hair salons are like this. Some mix in a bit more 1990s big bangs, rat tails, and mullets, but overall this commercial doesn’t surprise me in the least. The make-up. The awkward sexuality. The aggressive hair that nobody would EVER come in and request. Yup. Everywhere in Missouri.

 +2Posted on Nov 28th, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E07: Season Finale (Sort Of?) (153 comments)

I know, right?! I used to like Dale until he saved Andrea. There may be a connection there but I refuse to contemplate it.

 +6Posted on Nov 28th, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E07: Season Finale (Sort Of?) (153 comments)

The swamp, I guess. Or maybe the fact that it has a magical endless supply of ammunition, electricity, fuel, food, water, and supplies.

 +6Posted on Nov 28th, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E07: Season Finale (Sort Of?) (153 comments)

The only problem with that theory (which I think is correct, by the way) is that it means Shane is the only sane one.
Are we okay with that? I might actually be ok with that. Is that wrong?

 +11Posted on Nov 28th, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E07: Season Finale (Sort Of?) (153 comments)

And now I ask the question we are all dying to ask: What kind of Honda do you drive?

 +2Posted on Nov 28th, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E07: Season Finale (Sort Of?) (153 comments)

Oh my god YES. His gross labored breathing sounds made me feel sort of sick.

 +3Posted on Nov 21st, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E06: Everyone Gets Their Honks Honked (126 comments)

We get new writers?! I am so excited! You just gave me hope. Thank you. Bless you.

 +12Posted on Nov 21st, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E06: Everyone Gets Their Honks Honked (126 comments)

My favorite part of gun club is how everybody is insanely good at gun club on the first try and then everybody gets to have sex in a Honda afterwards.

 +16Posted on Nov 21st, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E06: Everyone Gets Their Honks Honked (126 comments)

OMG yes, Hershel is on my last nerve. And here is something I want to know (although maybe my beef is with the lazy, unimaginative writers of this show who think idiotic cliche-ridden dialogue = dramatic action) but WHY GOD WHY didn’t Rick’s people sit down with Hershel’s people and talk about what they saw at the CDC? That was one of my favorite episodes last season because it actually moved the mythology of this world forward by showing the MRI of the Doctor’s wife becoming a zombie. Dale saw that video. Why did he just stare at Hershel with his bearded mouth hanging open instead of saying, “Actually Hershel, these people are dead and their bodies are artificially reanimated by a disease firing false electrical impulses in their brain stems and I know this for a fact because I saw the proof with my own eyes.”
WHY.
I am so done with the writers of this show. I don’t need them to write Shakespeare but could they at least be entertaining, clever, and consistent rather than boring and infuriating?

 0Posted on Nov 18th, 2011 | re: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Brokencyde (19 comments)

All I know is they better get off our lawns or I’m going to smack them with my cane. Who’s with me?

 +2Posted on Nov 18th, 2011 | re: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Brokencyde (19 comments)

You know what, guys? We have been talking about Brokencyde for what feels like decades now and I still honestly cannot understand a word they say in these videos. Am I getting old? Do I have old person ears? Or is everything just terrible and it isn’t my fault? Help.

 +1Posted on Nov 18th, 2011 | re: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Brokencyde (19 comments)

But what you like most about it is how angry it makes your Mom’s “friend” Greg, that dick. *ahem*
What were we talking about?

 +1Posted on Nov 14th, 2011 | re: An Open Letter To The People Who Saw Jack And Jill This Past Weekend (58 comments)

And the way they keep beating Al Pacino’s career like a dead horse. That’s how the saying goes, right? I don’t know. I just keep picturing dead things after reading this film review.

 +6Posted on Nov 14th, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E05: Ever Done In It A Hayloft? (120 comments)

I don’t even care about the plot or the garbage characters anymore. I just watch to see if Shane will take his shirt off. I’m not ashamed of myself at all, no sir.

 +8Posted on Nov 14th, 2011 | re: An Open Letter To The People Who Saw Jack And Jill This Past Weekend (58 comments)

Guys, I listen to conservative talk radio at work to keep myself awake (rage works better than caffeine) and I can say in all sincerity that there are MANY people who still whole-heartedly support Herman Cain. Yes, it is baffling but no it isn’t a surprise to me because these people are so vocal on the radio (haha! who listens to radio anymore?).

I guess my point is that these people also like Jack and Jill.

Superglue, that is my biggest problem with it. Most expensive pudding? Try grossest looking pudding that was made by mashing chocolate around with your bare (unclean?) hands.

 +3Posted on Nov 8th, 2011 | re: New Commenters' New Corner: Brett Ratner, Your Boyfriend, Stinks! (187 comments)

I think it works as a stand-alone…kind of a warning about this entire comment string, perhaps.

 +17Posted on Nov 8th, 2011 | re: New Commenters' New Corner: Brett Ratner, Your Boyfriend, Stinks! (187 comments)

I’m a member of Shygum too, saraspot. Very quiet high fives for us!
I read everything on this site every single day and I only comment once every six months. At least it’s satisfying to watch everybody else being smart and sassy.

 +3Posted on Nov 7th, 2011 | re: The Heart She Holler Vs. Hell On Wheels (39 comments)

**puts on a pretentious hat**

Well, I hate myself for it but I am a grad student getting my masters in American History, specifically Civil War era, and you are NOT wrong. I didn’t even try to watch this show because I read the description of the anti-hero and wanted to slap somebody. I can’t imagine the level of naivety and gullibility the show’s writers are imagining when they create such an obviously anachronistic, revisionist, modernized protagonist.

I once read (on Videogum? maybe) that it’s hard to get audiences to bond with historical characters because if they are written realistically, we have nothing in common with them. So that is why historical characters are always weirdly feminist or open-minded or progressive or racially aware. It’s idiotic but it’s the easy path and writers go for it.

This show could have been good if they’d actually tried to make us like / understand a Confederate soldier. Confederates were people too. Sometimes they had slaves. Usually they didn’t randomly free them just to advance some watery thin storyline. UGH.

**takes off stupid hat and stomps it into the ground**

 +3Posted on Oct 13th, 2011 | re: Some Things About This Video Of A Baby With A Magazine (25 comments)

You know what? I think this dude just really misses Steve Jobs and he needed to feel like he had something relevant to say. So he made his daughter into a connection between himself and a smart businessman who did not know about him, or care about him at all.
Or maybe I’m just a little sensitive because I like magazines and I can’t afford an iPad. Hmm.

 +1Posted on Oct 11th, 2011 | re: New Chet Haze Music Video, Son! #GETCHAZED (38 comments)

Well, this video is…long. That is really the biggest thing I take away from it. Long and lots of camera-spinning. I’m guessing the spinning is why I feel nauseated now, but I’m not sure.

 +1Posted on Sep 11th, 2011 | re: The Classic Tablecloth Trick Done Perfectly (43 comments)

…or candy.

 0Posted on Jul 7th, 2011 | re: Michelle Bachmann Prays To God To End Health Care Reform, OBVIOUSLY (82 comments)

Guys, Bachmann is obviously a joke and I love laughing at ridiculous politicians as much as the next person…but I don’t get this one. Maybe I’m watching the wrong video? It was just a bunch of empty religious words and bible quotes about sinfulness, no outright bashing of liberal agendas via prayer. What did I miss?